Who loves Christmas? Esther Swift loves Christmas!
The house has been utterly decked out for the holiday, in a way that probably took the entire servant staff of Lazy Otter Downs to make happen. There's tinsel everywhere -- looped around everything -- there are glimmering, twinkling lights everywhere, and there's a giant Christmas tree in one corner of the main hall. It's completely covered with ornaments that fit the following categories: ice, mermaids, leopards, stars, planes, and space.
There are a lot of mermaid/merman ornaments. A lot of them. Yes, the gay merman ornaments. Does Etsy know? She probably knows. Anyway:
Laid out along one wall of the main hall is a bountiful feast, such as it takes a literally inhumanly good and prodigious cook to make. Some of the things are mundane, but incredibly good, and some of the things look like they may be, like, hedgefruit or hob-frog-legs or something. Every chafing dish has a little label on it, proclaiming whether it's vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, carnivore-friendly, and 'contains no items from the Hedge'. The good china is out, the linen napkins, the good scotch. It'd be ostentatious if it weren't so fucking goofy at points. (Seriously, she has a merman ornament with a buff chest and a rainbow tail and a pierced nipple. Like, what? She must know.)
Etsy's resting on one of the divans, holding a small cup of hot broth, sipping it and waiting for guests to arrive and be shown in by Thurgood (yes, they have a fucking butler). She's wearing a blue Empire-waisted silk dress that's brand-new and was probably a Christmas present. It floofs enough to be an Etsy-specific dress, after all. Her feet aren't feet currently, but fins, relaxing along the divan, the bones extended and splayed out. It's nice to have a party in your house where you don't have to pretend to have feet if you don't need to.
As Reggie comes down from the upper floor, he's treated to a splendid view of the whole of the tree. It is, perhaps, a surprise to him that the tree could possibly host that many homosexual merfolk. "Darling," Reggie trills as he heads towards the liquor, "when you gave instructions to make the yuletide gay, precisely how specific were you in which connotation you intended? Because I can feel Piers Morgan and Nigel Farage frowning at this tree from West London." Reggie receives a proper hot toddy for his trouble, and proceeds to meander vaguely Etsywards in his characteristic waddle. He's dressed comfortably in slacks and an ugly Christmas sweater. It contains the entirety of the lyrics to Last Christmas by WHAM!. You're welcome.
There is a ringing of the doorbell, and dear Thurgood ushers in a rather large and homely woman. Esther Buckingham, AKA The Other Esther, is also bedecked in an ugly Christmas sweater, as well as a long red corduroy skirt and boots. She is carrying a tray of tree and wreath shaped cookies, thanking Thurgood profusely for his aid in her entrance. "My goodness," she murmurs when she gets an eyeful of the tree and ornaments. "So many little topless mermen. That one looks like one of the Village People!"
Lumi has been around during the holidays, but scarce. It's hard to tell with the impassive, icy demeanor that she presents externally, but for people who are around her more often she's been quieter and more withdrawn than is normal even for the paranoid Winter courtier, which suggests that something is possibly up. She's here, though, or at least entering now, wearing a horrible Christmas sweater with a bunch of depictions of the older variant of Joulopukki, a Finnish Christmas figure not so different from Krampus. The rather satanic looking figure in about half the knit depictions of him involve him holding children up by their ankles and spanking them, and the other half are giving presents. Cheery!
She's carrying a platter with a giant fruit cake on it. She seems to be embracing all of the worst things about Christmas. "Hello, sorry I'm a few minutes late," she says in a toneless voice.
"Hello hello!" Etsy trills from her divan, but she doesn't get up. Look, her fins are all relaxed and she doesn't want to pretend she has feet right now. She waves a hand toward Esther first -- because she's a guest -- trilling, "Am thinking I do not knows so wells? Come and say a hellos and then helping selfs to so many foods. Our motleymate Regina made everythings. Is so goods." She laughs -- musical laughter is a real thing when you're a siren, she laughs in arpeggios -- at Reggie's words, and Esther's both. "I am lovings my gay mermens! Also is a tractors and a guns and other things for Billy Rays, and an ices and a Finnish things for Lumi, and stars for Calms, and planes for Reggies... oh and foods and seals for Reginas. I remembering everyones of a motley." Her face turns toward Lumi lastly and she trills a greeting toward the incoming iceberg.
B-Ray can be heard before he arrives with the butler - talking to someone as he comes into the area. "No bubba, ah ain't got no em-tee-vee and y'ain't gonna order no X-Games, that some kinda porn or somesuch? Lissen. Ah told ya to clean the reloadin' shop an' work on yer carvin' skills." A pause to listen. "No, y'don't need no pizza. There's pecan pie f'm G'ma Jean in the kitchen an' leftover brisket stuff. And don' think ah don't know the levels on ALL mah bottles." Some more listening. "Lissen, life ain't fair. But you clean that reloadin' area good an' ah'll let ya see a friend of mine's airstrip. He's got an airship." A pause, pulling the phone away for a second to reveal loud excited yelling. "Yeah, some'in like that. He's one of those furrin fellas tho, from the Englands. But he's good folk. Uh huh. OK. So git 'er done, the work, an' don't stay up too late. Do yer best, a'right?" More listening. "OK. Good. Good. Don't let Scout fool ya, he got fed already. Kay. Seeya later," says B-Ray as he hangs up his phone, walking in. He has an extra pecan pie straight from a Georgia grandma and a container of cookies that he puts down near the other food. "Lord save me f'm teenagers," he mutters as he puts his phone away, removing his trucker cap to muss his hair with his hand. He's announced by Thurgood I imagine!
"I'm not complaining, darling. I could sustain myself on the tears of Piers Morgan, if necessary. Gay merman Christmas it is." Reggie takes a gulp from his hot toddy, a drink one is supposed to sip, and manages it with a bit of a cough and little else. Whoops. "No, no, you're fine Lumi. Just fine. We're only getting started. Grab yourself a drink so I don't look out of place when I get on to my second drink. Regina's prepared a spread for us." He's then lifting his glass towards Billy Ray, "Ah! My intrepid second seater! Good of you to make it! There's food. Drink. Gay mermen. Ugly sweaters! A proper holiday party in the offing." Reggie resumes his forward waddling, aiming himself at Esther likewise, an ingratiating grin spread across his features. "Hullo there! Welcome to our home. Reginald Danger!" That's him, you see.
Esther carefully sets her cookies down, then comes over to greet Etsy. "Hello! I don't think we spoken much. I'm Esther Buckingham," she says, trying not too loom too much, but probably looming some, as an ogress is wont to do. "This is such a wonderful place, and such wonderful decorations!"
Esther then offers an ingratiating but weak grin to Reggie. "Hello, Mister Danger. It's a pleasure."
Lumi puts her platter with the fruitcake down well away from Regina's food, so that nobody mistakes it for something the Knight of Knowledge of the Tongue made (it's probably terrible, and mostly brought as a jest), and then she gets herself a drink. "The last time I made it through a holiday party without drinking, I was young enough that it wasn't legal for me to drink yet," she says to Reggie. "I don't plan to change that now. Especially not in a safe place like this." She raises the glass in Esther's direction and says, "I'm Lumi." Her accent is an utterly bland American one, not really readily traced to any specific location.
"Billy Rays!" Etsy trills, and sets down her cup of broth so that she can clap her hands happily. "Hellos! So many good foods for you, Reginas did a cookings." And then her attention turns to Esther, and she beams. "The other Esthers! Of course. Should knows you betters. Enjoy homes and hospitalities. Thank you for a compliments many. Is the house of my Reggies." She extends both hands toward Esther in greeting, taking one of the ogress' in both of her webbed, light-blue ones. "So good to do a meets. And Lumi, do not worry about a latenesses. But could makes a plates and get a meads for mes, please? I do not want to get ups."
"Mista Reggie, ace pilot, 'eya bubba!" calls B-Ray with a grin as he puts down his food. He'll make his way over to give Reggie a hug, and then Etsy, grinning at them, "Sorry ah'm late. The boy was a bit on'ry an' then Scout was bein' a bit too cute an' then some fella another Freehold wanted to talk to me about an idea for a thing. This is all super beautiful, y'all, y'all over did it, a lot and ah love it. And this food, this is Miss Regina ah wager! Smells ten kinds'a delicious! Heya y'all," he says to the others.
"It's so good to meet you, Lumi," Esther says in her raspy voice. Then Etsy takes her hands, and she returns the warm greeting with a light squeeze. "Yes, I'm the other Esther. I hope I haven't caused too much confusion," she says in a demurring tone. "I'm happy to be here. And that food does smell delicious."
"Please, please, call me Reginald. Or Reggie. Mister Danger is my father." Reggie wags a hand in the air, trying to impress upon Esther just how groovy and down to earth he is despite living in a mansion waited on hand and foot by servants and a butler. He's lying, in other words. "I do want to thank you for coming, however. We're celebrating the blowing up of a huge fuck off enemy base camp full of... like. Cybernetic briarwolves! And flame throwing tanks and such. And also the birth of our Lord Jesus. And so on. Ooh! And there's *cake*." Reggie gestures towards the dessert table meaningfully. "And liquor. Knock yourself out, literally if you like, we've spare rooms and such. Feel free to spend the night if you get inadvisably drunk. Reggie'd, as my mates would call it." He laughs at his own joke shamelessly.
"A pleasure, Esther," Lumi says with a voice so devoid of any apparent emotion that it's hard to imagine she actually finds it a pleasure. That just seems to be the way she talks, though. "Since our caterer and motley mate, Regina Hazard, is a Knight of the Knowledge of the Tongue, this is probably the best Christmas feast in Vermont. Or possibly east of the Mississippi," she adds, gesturing toward the table. "With no shortage of food, either. There never is when Regina's involved. If you can still walk by the end of the evening, you should feel proud." She doesn't head for the food, though. She just takes a big drink of her whatever alcohol it was that she fetched. "It sounds like you have a lot going on back at your place, Billy Ray. I'm glad you could get away from it." She puts her drink down and turns then to go get Etsy some food and mead, though she doesn't bother with anything for herself yet, she just brings the plate and cup to the mermaid.
Lumi's words seem to light a fire in Esther's eyes. No shortage of food? Challenge accepted. The ogress nods politely, then heads to the table of food as if she is on a mission. Pretty soon, a plate is piled high with a little bit of everything, and armed with that and a beverage, Esther goes to sit down and enjoy the feast.
"New Lost, kin, eighteen years and twelve kindsa dumb an' stubborn," grouses Billy Ray as he finishes his hugs and moves to the tables. Beer, two plates layered with food before he takes a seat. He'll dig into his food, finishing his mouthful with a swallow of beer before he'll go on, "So ah'm helpin' 'em a bit, y'know, settle in an' all that. Boy wanted t'be a Top Gun pilot, shoot down bad guys in a' F-22 an' bed his way 'cross the west coast. Uncle's like us an' asked me t'help him out so he's stayin' with me a bit. Tryin' t'give him some structure, y'know?"
"Probablies the best Christmas feasts in the worlds, without an exaggerates," confirms Etsy, releasing Esther's hands. "No, not so much confuses. Is a goodness that we are so much a different." Really, Esther looms and Etsy is freaking tiny. Maybe five feet tall. "Oh yes, do eat all the everything. Reginas will be so much a happies if the food is all gones." She takes the plate from Lumi and settles in herself to eat. That is, apparently, one point of crossover between the Esthers: Etsy can eat. Meat, apparently. When picking up a barbecue wing, her piranha teeth strip the meat off of the bone. "Is not driving you too much the crazies, Billy Rays?"
"Well, if he wants to make good on being a pilot, Billy Ray, I am licensed to teach. I could also buy him a plane, come to that. Can't get him an F-22, that I'm aware of. Thurgood?" Reggie looks to his Butler and inquires, "Can we get an F-22?" Thurgood, to his credit, looks entirely nonplussed at this line of inquiry. "The Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor, sir?" "Yes." "The Fifth Generation all weather stealth tactical fighter?" "That's the one." "The fighter to be replaced by the F-35 joint strike fighter?" "Yes. Precisely." "No, sir. That would violate several international laws." "But Israel has them." "They're a nation sir. You are not." "But can I BECOME a nation?" "No, sir." Reggie looks a bit deflated at that whole line of inquiry and sighs towards Billy Ray, "I cannot get your relative an F-22. Yet. BUT. I /can/ get him laid up and down the western seaboard if that would help?"
Lumi gets her drink, then comes back and perches on the edge of the divan where Etsy is sitting. "Actually, I know a guy who might be able to get you an F-22 if you can afford it. The problem is that you'd never be able to find an air strip that would let you take off from it, and once you're in the air it's not like it's easy to hide that you have a contraband F-22." She takes another big gulp of her drink before she goes on. "The nation thing is more complicated. Look at Sealand. They act like they're a nation, but most places don't recognize them as such. It gets murky. You'd also have to be outside of the US borders."
"Little bit, Miss Etsy, little bit - d'you know how much a teenager eats? ALL THE FOODS. All of 'em. An' th' boy can't keep his room clean -an- he told me." Billy pauses, chugging his beer, "He told me he thought guns were too loud and noisy and bad." A shocked look at each person. "Ah know, right? RIGHT? Anyway. An' he apparently played water polo in school which ah don't even think is a -real- sport like football." He digs into his food. "It's a trial, that's f'r sure, an' thanks Reggie. Y're a real friend." A grin at Lumi, "Boy don't need no jet, Miss Lumi!"
Esther takes her first bite of food and seems to get a little teary eyed. "Oh my goodness. Oh. This food is so delicious," she murmurs, dabbing at her eyes with her napkin. But her Anton Ego eating the ratatouille moment does not stop her from devouring the feast like the ogress she is. "My word, the woman is a culinary genius!"
"Canada is outside the US. We're near Canada. Get me that bloke's number, Lumi." Reggie is apparently now in the market for an F-22 Raptor. Why not? "Could also just hire a nanny. I hear they're good for unruly chilren. I'm sure I could get a good referral from the agency." Reggie meanders back towards the bar again, pointing at his glass which is monstrously unfilled. Briefly. It's refilled quite promptly, of course. "Etsy and myself have made the bold decision not to procreate. We'll just get a lot of adorable puppies and give them their own instagrams. Include them in our obnoxious holiday cards. Like the Obamas, minus the drone strikes." He takes a quick drink from his cup and waddles over towards his favorite chair. "Thurgood?" "No, sir. You cannot get a Predator Drone, either." "Bollocks."
She's very busy eating food, which is why she isn't interfering with Reggie asking about all of the things that he can't have. "But Thurgoods will do the feedings because I will forgets," she offers around a mouthful of meat. "Well, should brings him to meet Reginas. See, she will want to do a feedings, and he will eat all the foods, and it is a symbiotics!" She stuffs another chunk of chicken into her face.
"No can do, my friend," Lumi says with a shake of her head. "I'm a Knight of the Utmost Silence, and secrets are my weapon of choice. If you got me the money I could get you the plane, but I can't get you in touch with my sources." She takes another drink, more of a sip this time. "I don't know if I could get you a Predator, but I might be able to manage a CH-5 Rainbow. It's likely to cause you a lot of issues as soon as you take it off if you do it anywhere in the developed world, though." She finishes her glass and gets up to pour herself another. "I'm glad you're enjoying the meal, Esther. Culinary genius definitely describes Regina. She's an eccentric woman, but she sure can cook."
"That's smart," agrees B-Ray as he finishes plate one, pointing a fork at Etsy and Reggie, "Ah like that. Ah'll bring 'em by." A grin at Reggie and he tells Esther and Lumi. "Y'know, ah'm basically a hero bombadier assistant pilot fella. Ah should have Reggie gimme an honorary scarf or somesuch. y'all wear scarves, right Reggie, that's a thing?"
Esther waves her fork a little in agreement with Lumi. "That seems to be a thing, isn't it? Eccentricity linked to genius or something like that. The brain works in amazing ways, but in the process, it works in...amazing ways, I suppose. I'd love to get her recipes, but I'd probably end up burning something."
"I think flying a Chinese drone over Donald "Did you notice that baby was crying through half of the speech and I didn’t get angry?" Drumpf Tower would be the pinnacle of hilarity, all things considered. Worth the price tag, honestly. You know, I met the president once, back during his Apprentice days. He was at this party I was at with Jeff Goldblum. He makes me look like a classy and refined person. Donald "Did you notice that baby was crying through half of the speech and I didn’t get angry?" Drumpf. Not Jeff. Jeff's a fine diamond of a man, and perfect in all ways." Reggie takes another gulp of his drink, then widens his eyes at Billy Ray. "Oh! Yes! Of course! You need your own silk scarf, don't you? I should get right on that. Thurgood, remind me to get Billy Ray a silk scarf." The Butler says nothing, but clearly he makes a mental note. The poor bastard. "Would you call Regina eccentric, though? Enormous. Yes. Strangely terrifying? Certainly. Eccentric? Ennnnnh."
"I've never met anyone but Regina who manages quite the same combination of gregarious, jovial, and terrifying," Lumi notes, finally taking her second drink and heading to the spread to get some of the food. She picks up a plate and puts a few bites of differnet things on it, but seems halfhearted in her efforts to get food even as delightful as it is and for all of her talking Regina's efforts up. "She's not quite crazy in the way people usually think of when they think of eccentric, though. Just not what people might expect, I guess." She sits down with her plate and drink. "Billy Ray, I think you do deserve a scarf. Goggles too. Not welding goggles, aviator ones."
"I am pretty sures that when you has to be reminded to not eat a peoples, that falls under 'a little bit weirds.'" Etsy chimes in, shaking her head in vague amusement when Reggie goes on about celebrities. Apparently he does this now and again. She swings one of her legs, her fins dusting the ground underneath her divan. "The foods is like... impossibles to cooks if you are not a Reginas, I am pretty sures." She nods emphatically when the topic of scarves comes up. "I am needings a scarves too! Thurgoods, get for me a scarfs please. Because I am also a pilots." She beams at Lumi, asking, "Did you know Reggies buyed me a planes??"
"C'n they be night vision goggles wit' thermal sensin' an' teleoptics?' asks B-Ray of Lumi, excited. A grin at her as he digs into his second plate, destroying it steadily. "My god, this plane - it's amazing, y'all. Y'should check it out before you go - it's pretty and super awesome, it's real, real good." He finishes his plate, rising and getting more food and a second beer, settling in, "Regina's food is amazing," he agrees with Etsy, "Ah'm pretty sure she c'd take world war two rations an' a handful of dirt an' make a fine, fine feast."
Esther heads for seconds as well, clearly enjoying herself. "You know, it should be difficult to not eat people. But I've heard people taste like pork. I guess if you don't like pork, or you aren't desperately hungry...ooh! Hedge boar ribs!"
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