Rorschach was back in the cemetery. It wasn't but just down the block from Zillah's shop and really he appreciated the solitude. He sat, long red coat on, at the foot of a grave holding a picked violet (which appeared dark grey in his mantle) in hand. He watched the stone for a time motionless wrapped in his thoughts.
Haruki's come to learn Rorschach's haunts and the best places to find him, which is what drives him into the graveyard yet again, looking around curiously for his friend. Of course it'd be easy to presume that as often as not he doesn't find anyone here. He's never silent when he approaches Rorschach. His footsteps always crunching on the ground, there's almost always a cough, little sounds to say 'I'm here. I'm not sneaking.' And the whole time he's reading the situation to see if maybe he should just disappear. He doesn't disappear though instead he offers an oh so soft. "Hi," expression filled with concern.
Rorschach turned his head up to Haruki and warmed a slow smile from scarred lips. He signed back. "Hey, missed you. Sit a while while time is a thing?" Strange but not the strangest offer he's ever given.
"Missed you too," Haruki replies. He walks over to Rorschach, steps quieter now he's not making a deliberate attempt not to sneak, and sits down next to Rorschach. Too close maybe. "How've you been?"
Rorschach looked to Haruki and handed him the tiny wildflower and admitted <<Better than I have any right to be.>> There was almost melancholy tone to his smile and watched Haruki for a long moment before asking curiously <<You...ok? Itsuki ok?>> There was a bit of a weight on his friend like something sitting on his optimism.
Haruki takes that tiny wildflower, and leans in to kiss Rorschach's cheek. He raises the flower to his nose to sniff it. "No. You've every right to be good and happy. You deserve all the happiness and niceness and good things." He smiles and nods. "I'm good. Itsuki's good. We're practicing magic. It's fun."
Rorschach warmed a smile and offered an arm for his friend. There were some days he was ready to march to war in the night. Others? Other times sit quietly honouring the struggles of those past and present. He considered and asked curiously in one hand <<You seem... down. You can be okay and still dealin with some shit. I mean if you want to talk.>> he shrugged and looked around and then made a gesture like 'I don't think they're gonna say shit'
Haruki shakes his head and smiles. "No. I'm good." He is telling the truth there, kind of, for a moment. "Well apart from Oberon. I saw him. He looks like he's sleeping rough and busking for money. Like what the fuck, really?" There's a hint of anger there. "I know he's been offered two places to stay. He has his family too. He has his friends. Why the fuck is he then..." Yeah he's more angry at this than upset. "I think he just wants people to feel bad for him. And I do feel bad. I mean, I get it. I've been in that bad dark place where I have absolutely nothing and I can't think my way into even getting help. But he doesn't... I'm hoping it's just an act to get more money." He then adds. "I didn't speak to him. I just saw him. I wanted to yell at him though." He sighs. "Anyway I'm not the one sitting here in a graveyard looking sad."
Rorschach rolled his eyes and signed <<Don't' get me wrong, I completely resent people living as I and others have had to for pity and attention. We didn't do it for pity. We did it because we fucking had to. The choices we made->> he stopped signing and his hands fell silent. There were things, big things, he didn't talk about because they didn't define him, but were just as real to his existence as his antennae were now, and like the head-ornaments, became something he had come to terms with. He leaned over and head thunked against Haruki's and just signed <<Never let anyone buy your emotions. At the end of the day? Sometimes it's all that's real. That's more valuable than anything. Makes us know we're here.>> Beyond someone's melodrama being tasteless, there were truths he was holding onto.
Haruki nods at Rorschach. He understands entirely there. "Thanks for stopping me from making a terrible mistake. Terrible mistakes." There. "He should go and sell his fucking sadness." He suddenly declares, before quickly adding. "I don't mean that. Stupid sugardick." He watches Rorschach then asks him. "What has you here?"
Rorschach signed with one hand and a sober expression <<I'll be happy to put him out of his misery. Trust me. I wouldn't lose sleep.>> Maybe too honest, but honest. As it was his hands were tied so it was wholly a non-issue. <<He can't handle the world having a balance. having rules. He plays for him. The rest of us play for one another. He should really run for office. He'd fit right in.>> Politicians. Selfish innately. As for what had him here he shrugged and said <<You want the made for TV answer or the truth?>>
"I would," Haruki says. "I'd never forgive myself." He looks into Rorschach's eyes, searching there. "The truth. Always. Unless you don't think I can handle it. Then I'd rather... nothing, not a lie."
Rorschach shrugged and said <<Dude, if there is any one truth it is we create our OWN consequences, not those of others. Trust me, you are zero responsible for the bullshit he does. None of that shit is because of you. All of that is a result of careless choices he made and thoughtless conduct. And that's the last braincell I'm spending on him>> He looked at the grave though, and then the graveyard before sighing and signing in his lap keeping his hands 'quiet'. <<Just coming to terms that someday everything I love will be under earth. And I'll be here and not even know it happened.>>
Haruki looks at Rorschach, and kisses his cheek again. "Hmm. Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe we'll get hit by an asteroid. Maybe you'll keep finding new things to love along with the old. Maybe they'll all come back as ghosts to keep you company. Hmm?" His answers are quiet, thoughtful. "Can't tell what the future holds. Well unless you can. And even then... sometimes its better to just focus on what's real now."
Rorschach shook his head and smiled with a faint amusement <<Not about that. My mind? Well not certain but in all reality? It'll go after a time. Reality too hard to define. Too... ephemeral to keep together. But until then? I'm not giving up. Just... making peace with truths so that I can respect the sacrifices they will make and the things suffered on my behalf. Things that will come to pass. It's just... huge. Everything is so big and I am awed and yet helpless in its grip. Kinda makes little things all that more important. While it's sad? It's pretty fucking goddamned beautiful.>>
Haruki listens and nods at all of this, and he seems lost for words for a time. The silence is warm and comfortable.
Rorschach pulled his legs uncomfortably under him and signed thoughtfully <<Think about this, that our sorrow, our grief? It's what gives joy meaning. Love? the contrast exists so we don't take what is good to us for granted. Without the risk of loss would we cling to life so tightly with both hands? Would we know the value of love if we didn't appreciate the size of the abscess it would leave were it lost? One is a testament to the other. Even that hurt we mourn at the loss of something or someone we love? It is an echo of its meaning, relevance, and value to us. It's a monument that says this happened. This mattered. It mattered to me and I'm... fucking shocked that I even still have the capacity to feel so deeply, so greatly, that it can hurt so much. I am grateful for that pain. It means life still has meaning to me, and that I am still a part of it. And that? That is beautiful and huge. So ... magnanimous I can only stare at this earthen blanket and fucking say thank you.>>
Haruki's paying attention, drinking it all in, letting the words bubble around in his brain. He nods at several points and he is smiling, gently by the end, and again, what is there to say when it's all been said so perfectly. He gestures around. He smiles. He signs 'love' and that seems to be enough.
Rorschach hugged Haruki and signed nothing for a long moment> Finally he let him go and said <<Today we hurt. And today we say thank you to our grief that we can still appreciate the value of happiness. Tomorrow? We will appreciate whatever we have and know food will taste better for it. We weep today but tomorrow? Tomorrow we will live like Raymond K. Hessel." And that was if Haruki even watched Fight Club. He had zero desire to ever watch that movie again as he liked his head left alone questioning the veracity of too much already, but still, it felt relevant.
Of course Haruki has watched fight club. He nods at the reference, at all of it. And then he frowns. "He said I lived in fear. That I didn't live my life fully." As if that idea bothers him, and then he shakes his head and pushes that away, because they weren't going to talk about him ever again. No. "I like your philosophies. Even if they..." and he's not even sure what they do. "Live like Raymond K Hessel."
Rorschach signed to Haruki <<It's easy to pass judgements on others instead of looking at ourselves. I wouldn't sweat the words of the selfish until their house is in order. Hell, you don't even have to sweat mine. I ask you, when your time comes, how do you want to be remembered? Live toward that legacy, not for what some judgemental dipshit tells you. Besides, fear keep us alive and from doing dumb shit. Those that are fearless? They're careless. It's not enviable."
"I'm not going to be remembered," Haruki says. "I'm going to be but grains of sand in an hourglass. Forgotten. But that's okay too. You don't need to be remembered to be able to touch people's lives and make a difference. To bring wonder to them, and joy, and hope. They don't need to remember the messenger, just the message."
To that the vagrant, punk in the red coat smiled.
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