Revision as of 15:08, 2 March 2020

Tamarack Times Gossip Column

Enid Schmitt, well-meaning and at times acidic busy-body of Tamarack Falls (and, at times, Fort Brunsett), holds the position of gossip columnist at the small town newspaper of The Tamarack Times.

Her posts are made every Thursday, based on +req/rumor entries given by players about the RP happenings of the past week, as well as ongoing plots and the story of the world and NPCs themselves.

They can be found on +bbread 3, the Media board.

This is an online archive of all of Enid's posts, to be more easily viewed in their entirety.

Archives for posts from previous years are located at the links below:
March-December 2017	January-December 2018	January-December 2019

January 2, 2020

T A M A R A C K T I M E S
GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT
This week in Tamarack Falls, I wish you a
bleary welcome to the year 2020. Finally,
a number easy to make silly glasses for!

If you slept through the fireworks on the
lake on NYE,  you are a hardier soul than
I, and I commend you.  Even this far from
the cliffs, they were dang loud, but also
worth every wince.  If you've  never gone
up  to  the  top of Salvation and  looked
down on it all,  you're missing out.  I'm
no poet,  but  it was  a garden of light,
and  kudos to the city  of  Fort Brunsett
and the tireless efforts of the fireworks
companies who made it possible.

Are you the type to write out resolutions
for the coming year?  I try, heaven knows
I try, but the bon bons tempt me back.

If you want your name in the paper,  send
in  YOUR  resolution,  and I'll put it in
the column for next week.  Let's see what
our town wants to change!

I know for sure I want to change the bear
family in the woods up on  Mischance.  If
they  want  to  set up housekeeping some-
where,  there are much better places than
the  mine  to  do it.  Kids, I have it on
good authority that  the  local officials
are taking this very seriously, so please
be  smart  about  stupid  dares.  Animals
like these should be  hibernating at this
time of year,  and  if something has them
out  and  about,  a  trained professional
should be the one to find them.

January 9, 2020

T A M A R A C K T I M E S
GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT
This week in Tamarack Falls, I have a big
column for you, so let's get right to it.
Last week,  I asked for your resolutions,
and boy howdy did you send them in!

* Mrs. Elsa Vayn  has resolved to eat at
   least one piece of fruit a day.
* David Carmichael has resolved to go on
   at  least  one vacation every quarter,
   much to the delight  of his less work-
   a-holic partner, Bobby.
* Joe Quinn has resolved to lose 50 lbs.
* Jane Quinn has resolved to kick  Joe's
   patoot  into  gear any time he reaches
   for doughnuts instead of celery...
* Alexander Dolst has resolved to finish
   the novel he has been working on since
   seventh grade.
* Rebecca Fry has resolved to not murder
   her niece,  or  brother,  for spilling
   neon pink dye  into  a vat of milk and
   costing  the family thousands of bucks
   for wasted product, time, and inedible
   ice  cream.  I  have  it on good auth-
   ority that said niece and  brother are
   banned  from the barn for the foresee-
   able future to  facilitate  their con-
   tinued survival.
* Elizabeth Fry  has resolved  to  avoid
   her aunt.
* Jonathan Fry has resolved to buy stock
   in Tension Tamer tea.
* Delika Soluos  has  resolved  to learn
   calligraphy, so  she can start her own
   greeting card business.
* Mr. A. Nony Mouse  has resolved to get
   a name.

On the subject of resolutions folks asked
not to be named for, we have twelve other
people wanting to lose weight, eleven who
want to travel more, five who want to get
wealthy  lovers  and  live  out a life of
luxury, four  who  want to learn the fine
art  of cooking  better for one,  two who
want to do more for the environment, and
one who wants to bone my editor.

My  editor  says  thank you,  and he will
consider your offer, anonymous lover.

January 16, 2020

T A M A R A C K T I M E S
GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT
This week in Tamarack Falls,  we  are   a
month away from Valentine's Day, but that
isn't stopping the stores,  is it?  Thank
you, capitalism,  for giving me cheap yet
delicious  chocolate  and  peanut  butter
hearts.

On the subject of hearts, get this: Mandy
Hart  thought Monday was going to be just
another morning, woke up, made her coffee
and ate food which she has told me to say
was  more  healthy  than the Boston creme
doughnut it actually was, when there came
a  banging from her garage.  In she went,
and lo and behold,  her garbage bins were
a mess.  Thinking it  was a raccoon,  she
tidied up,  looked for holes, then forgot
all  about it by the end of the work day.
Upon arriving  home  again,  the  garbage
bins were on the floor,  along  with  the
garbage  that  was  in them, and what did
she  find but a PIG rooting around in it?
As it turns out,  a  tourist family's pet
had  gotten  loose, and there were happy,
oinky endings all around.  What  a way to
spend a Monday.

This was not the only  animal sighting to
occur over the past week.

A  showing of "Matilda" down at the  ele-
mentary  school  this  past  weekend  was
disrupted   by  a  bleating  stampede  of
shaggy,  smelly   goats -- and  the high-
schoolers  who set  them  free  there are
going  to  start  doing  some  very  fast
community service, aren't they, Samual?

January 23, 2020

T A M A R A C K T I M E S
GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT
This week in Tamarack Falls,  it looks as
though  we  may  have a new manicurist in
town!  I hear tell that Lou and Bang Bang
down at Crops and Bobbers have been talk-
ing with a lovely stranger about settling
here.  Lady, come stop by the office some
time and have a chat.  I still have a bit
of that good coffee left  that the office
vultures haven't managed to pilfer.

In other news, I finally snagged a source
young  enough to clue  me in on why we've
all been seeing glitter everywhere. Seems
like  one  of  the  local  kids started a
viral trend on TikTok called "angel dust-
ing"... The original form called for some
sort  of container of white glitter to be
placed above a doorway,  with  the aim of
having it  fall onto the head of the next
person walking through,  but  one  of the
younger ladies at the office has informed
me  that  receiving the glitter inside of
an envelope,  and  filming yourself doing
so, has also become a part of the trend.

Now, given the crisis going on with micro
plastics  in  our  oceans, I did feel the
need  to reach out to our mystery TikTok-
ker, and  much  to my  pleasant surprise,
they had already established ground rules
requiring  their  followers  to  use eco-
glitters.  Kudos, kid.  You've got a good
head on those glitter-crowned shoulders.

Vazi, on  the other hand...  I have heard
a  few  conflicting  opinions  of how you
managed to break that ankle, kiddo.

1. You  were chasing a flying paper air-
    plane and ran off the roof.
2. You were out on the lawn and slipped.
3. Your  younger  brother  turned into a
    whirling  dervish of dooooom and your
    ankle was sacrificed to the Lego gods
    as tribute.

I'm going for Lego gods. If you have ever
had  kids  who had Legos, I know you will
be too.