View source for Tamarack Times Gossip Column/2018

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=Year 2018 - Archive of Tamarack Times Gossip Column=


==January 4 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;is&nbsp;mak-<br>ing&nbsp;up&nbsp;for&nbsp;lost&nbsp;time,&nbsp;isn't&nbsp;he?&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;heard<br>a&nbsp;little&nbsp;&nbsp;birdy&nbsp;say&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;one&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;two<br>female&nbsp;employees&nbsp;&nbsp;at&nbsp;Homepage&nbsp;marched&nbsp;on<br>into&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;store&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;start&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;&nbsp;shift,<br>hustled&nbsp;all&nbsp;the&nbsp;post-lunch&nbsp;shoppers&nbsp;out,<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;flipped&nbsp;the&nbsp;sign&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;'Closed'&nbsp;for&nbsp;a<br>'private'&nbsp;'conversation'&nbsp;with&nbsp;Kip.<br><br>Now,&nbsp;&nbsp;lest&nbsp;your&nbsp;thoughts&nbsp;travel&nbsp;down&nbsp;the<br>same&nbsp;paths&nbsp;mine&nbsp;did,&nbsp;&nbsp;let&nbsp;&nbsp;me&nbsp;assure&nbsp;you<br>that&nbsp;it&nbsp;does,&nbsp;&nbsp;indeed,&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;&nbsp;better&nbsp;than<br>that.<br><br>Cerise,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;it&nbsp;was&nbsp;she&nbsp;who&nbsp;accosted&nbsp;our<br>darling&nbsp;Kip,&nbsp;is&nbsp;said&nbsp;to&nbsp;have&nbsp;spent&nbsp;quite<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;while&nbsp;having&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;rather&nbsp;'intense'&nbsp;dis-<br>cussion&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;store&nbsp;&nbsp;owner.&nbsp;&nbsp;Is&nbsp;it&nbsp;a<br>coincidence&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;witnesses&nbsp;&nbsp;say&nbsp;he&nbsp;was<br>spotted&nbsp;&nbsp;putting&nbsp;his&nbsp;shirt&nbsp;back&nbsp;on&nbsp;after<br>the&nbsp;Incident?&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Now,&nbsp;Sally-Mae&nbsp;says&nbsp;he&nbsp;even&nbsp;tried&nbsp;to&nbsp;hug<br>her&nbsp;afterward.<br><br>Mina,&nbsp;&nbsp;dear,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;all&nbsp;thought&nbsp;you&nbsp;and&nbsp;Kip<br>were&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;&nbsp;happy.&nbsp;&nbsp;Is&nbsp;&nbsp;there&nbsp;&nbsp;trouble&nbsp;&nbsp;in<br>Slutcracker&nbsp;paradise?<br><br>Did&nbsp;he&nbsp;use&nbsp;the&nbsp;whip&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;wrong&nbsp;place?<br><br>At&nbsp;least&nbsp;the&nbsp;skiers&nbsp;are&nbsp;happy.&nbsp;We've&nbsp;got<br>a&nbsp;good&nbsp;&nbsp;48"&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;powder&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;those&nbsp;slopes,&nbsp;<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;more&nbsp;snow&nbsp;to&nbsp;come.&nbsp;&nbsp;Careful&nbsp;not&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;<br>introduce&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;&nbsp;noggin&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;cow&nbsp;&nbsp;fences,<br>folks.&nbsp;&nbsp;Wind's&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;&nbsp;blowing&nbsp;hard,&nbsp;&nbsp;and<br>they're&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;white&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;anything.&nbsp;&nbsp;Cross-<br>country's&nbsp;not&nbsp;as&nbsp;safe&nbsp;as&nbsp;it&nbsp;could&nbsp;be...<br><br>Last&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;&nbsp;least,&nbsp;&nbsp;we've&nbsp;&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;some<br>mysterious&nbsp;geese&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;loose.&nbsp;&nbsp;Anyone<br>lose&nbsp;a&nbsp;goose?<br><br>Or&nbsp;seven?<br><br>I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;the&nbsp;flock&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;chasing&nbsp;kids<br>off&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;sidewalks&nbsp;&nbsp;into&nbsp;&nbsp;snowbanks,&nbsp;&nbsp;and<br>stealing&nbsp;&nbsp;mittens,&nbsp;&nbsp;though&nbsp;&nbsp;what&nbsp;&nbsp;use&nbsp;&nbsp;a<br>goose&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;mitten&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;beyond&nbsp;me.


==January 11 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;had&nbsp;yet<br>another&nbsp;day&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;Homepage&nbsp;Books&nbsp;showing&nbsp;a<br>great&nbsp;big&nbsp;CLOSED&nbsp;sign&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;world.<br><br>Kip,&nbsp;darling,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;know&nbsp;the&nbsp;attention&nbsp;is&nbsp;a<br>lot.&nbsp;&nbsp;We&nbsp;&nbsp;only&nbsp;want&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;love&nbsp;you.&nbsp;&nbsp;Or&nbsp;we<br>want&nbsp;to&nbsp;delight&nbsp;ourselves&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;honking<br>big&nbsp;dose&nbsp;of&nbsp;schadenfreude&nbsp;and&nbsp;be&nbsp;glad&nbsp;we<br>aren't&nbsp;the&nbsp;ones&nbsp;with&nbsp;multiple&nbsp;girlfriend<br>collisions&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;hallway.<br><br>How&nbsp;DO&nbsp;you&nbsp;manage&nbsp;those,&nbsp;anyway?&nbsp;Doesn't<br>seem&nbsp;to&nbsp;be&nbsp;working&nbsp;out&nbsp;for&nbsp;you&nbsp;too&nbsp;well.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;not&nbsp;working&nbsp;out&nbsp;well,&nbsp;&nbsp;what<br>else&nbsp;doesn't&nbsp;work?&nbsp;&nbsp;Ice&nbsp;skating&nbsp;on&nbsp;snow.<br>Katie,&nbsp;&nbsp;let&nbsp;us&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;when&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;broken<br>ankle&nbsp;&nbsp;heals.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'll&nbsp;get&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;editor&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;<br>take&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;ice&nbsp;cream&nbsp;and&nbsp;tell<br>you&nbsp;all&nbsp;about&nbsp;his&nbsp;own.<br><br>The&nbsp;slopes&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;Mount&nbsp;Salvation&nbsp;have&nbsp;been<br>pretty&nbsp;&nbsp;busy&nbsp;lately,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;for&nbsp;their<br>value&nbsp;as&nbsp;a&nbsp;place&nbsp;to&nbsp;play&nbsp;on&nbsp;snow.&nbsp;&nbsp;Folks<br>say,&nbsp;and&nbsp;I&nbsp;can&nbsp;attest&nbsp;myself,&nbsp;that&nbsp;there<br>have&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;&nbsp;odd&nbsp;prints&nbsp;and&nbsp;circles,&nbsp;&nbsp;and<br>sometimes&nbsp;lights&nbsp;at&nbsp;night,&nbsp;dancing.<br><br>Have&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;ourselves&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;new&nbsp;&nbsp;coven&nbsp;of<br>witches,&nbsp;&nbsp;or&nbsp;is&nbsp;snow&nbsp;circling&nbsp;the&nbsp;latest<br>version&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;crop&nbsp;&nbsp;circling?&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe&nbsp;&nbsp;the<br>aliens&nbsp;have&nbsp;gone&nbsp;&nbsp;native&nbsp;&nbsp;Vermonter.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;<br>so,&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;&nbsp;got&nbsp;some&nbsp;Cabot&nbsp;cheese&nbsp;and&nbsp;Ben<br>&&nbsp;Jerry's&nbsp;with&nbsp;their&nbsp;names&nbsp;on&nbsp;it.&nbsp;<br><br>Assuming,&nbsp;that&nbsp;is,&nbsp;that&nbsp;they&nbsp;have&nbsp;names.<br><br>Gossip&nbsp;columnist&nbsp;starts&nbsp;interstellar&nbsp;war<br>by&nbsp;making&nbsp;erroneous&nbsp;assumptions.&nbsp;See&nbsp;the<br>full&nbsp;report&nbsp;at&nbsp;seven!<br><br>

==January 18 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;tell<br>that&nbsp;Daniel&nbsp;Dross&nbsp;&nbsp;lost&nbsp;his&nbsp;marbles&nbsp;over<br>at&nbsp;The&nbsp;Seventh&nbsp;House.&nbsp;Word&nbsp;is,&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;asked<br>some&nbsp;&nbsp;poor&nbsp;crippled&nbsp;young&nbsp;woman&nbsp;over&nbsp;for<br>breakfast,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;gentlemanly-like,&nbsp;&nbsp;only&nbsp;&nbsp;to<br>take&nbsp;a&nbsp;drawing&nbsp;she&nbsp;did,&nbsp;storm&nbsp;around&nbsp;the<br>cafe,&nbsp;&nbsp;shred&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;thing&nbsp;and&nbsp;throw&nbsp;it&nbsp;in&nbsp;<br>the&nbsp;fire.&nbsp;<br><br>Now,&nbsp;&nbsp;shame&nbsp;on&nbsp;him,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;what&nbsp;I&nbsp;want&nbsp;to<br>know&nbsp;is&nbsp;this:&nbsp;what&nbsp;was&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;drawing?<br>Linda,&nbsp;if&nbsp;it&nbsp;was&nbsp;anything&nbsp;like&nbsp;yours,&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>retract&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;statement.&nbsp;&nbsp;No&nbsp;one&nbsp;should<br>have&nbsp;to&nbsp;see&nbsp;that.<br><br>Sources&nbsp;say&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;dragged&nbsp;her&nbsp;right&nbsp;out&nbsp;of<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;shop,&nbsp;&nbsp;didn't&nbsp;&nbsp;even&nbsp;&nbsp;let&nbsp;her&nbsp;finish<br>her&nbsp;tea,&nbsp;or&nbsp;her&nbsp;bread&nbsp;and&nbsp;honey.&nbsp;Tsk.<br><br>You&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;know,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;she&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;bore&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;striking&nbsp;<br>resemblance&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;certain&nbsp;&nbsp;family&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;<br>Millers&nbsp;'round&nbsp;about&nbsp;these&nbsp;parts...<br><br>Continuing&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;&nbsp;week's&nbsp;theme&nbsp;of&nbsp;ladies<br>with&nbsp;bad&nbsp;luck,&nbsp;my&nbsp;sources&nbsp;tell&nbsp;me&nbsp;one&nbsp;of<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;restaurants&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;Singers'<br>Circle&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;being&nbsp;investigated,&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;in<br>case,&nbsp;for&nbsp;food&nbsp;and&nbsp;safety&nbsp;concerns&nbsp;after<br>a&nbsp;blind&nbsp;date&nbsp;&nbsp;gone&nbsp;wrong.&nbsp;&nbsp;Witnesses&nbsp;say<br>the&nbsp;guy&nbsp;was&nbsp;looking&nbsp;bored,&nbsp;when&nbsp;the&nbsp;girl<br>suddenly&nbsp;went&nbsp;insane,&nbsp;claiming&nbsp;she&nbsp;could<br>see&nbsp;bugs&nbsp;in&nbsp;her&nbsp;food,&nbsp;all&nbsp;over&nbsp;her&nbsp;skin,<br>and&nbsp;skedaddled.&nbsp;<br><br>Kids,&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;why&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;don't&nbsp;do&nbsp;drugs<br>before&nbsp;you&nbsp;date.<br><br>Third&nbsp;in&nbsp;our&nbsp;trifecta&nbsp;of&nbsp;female&nbsp;disaster<br>flicks,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;hear&nbsp;&nbsp;our&nbsp;instagram&nbsp;princess<br>Franky&nbsp;Garreau&nbsp;may&nbsp;be&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;outs&nbsp;with<br>Kip's&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;latest&nbsp;&nbsp;love&nbsp;&nbsp;interest.&nbsp;&nbsp;Cerise,<br>Cerise,&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;moving&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;on&nbsp;Franky's<br>man?&nbsp;&nbsp;Really,&nbsp;&nbsp;C.&nbsp;B.&nbsp;Alexander&nbsp;shouldn't<br>be&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;kind&nbsp;of&nbsp;'hot'&nbsp;--&nbsp;not&nbsp;unless&nbsp;you<br>like&nbsp;napalm.<br><br>Men,&nbsp;&nbsp;watch&nbsp;&nbsp;out.&nbsp;&nbsp;Next&nbsp;week&nbsp;it&nbsp;could&nbsp;be<br>you.<br>

==January 25 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;we've&nbsp;got&nbsp;a<br>bologna&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;loose.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Yes,&nbsp;you&nbsp;read&nbsp;that&nbsp;correctly:&nbsp;a&nbsp;bologna.<br>Three&nbsp;folks&nbsp;have&nbsp;come&nbsp;up&nbsp;to&nbsp;me&nbsp;to&nbsp;ask&nbsp;if<br>I've&nbsp;heard&nbsp;about&nbsp;it,&nbsp;and&nbsp;one&nbsp;of&nbsp;them&nbsp;was<br>pretty&nbsp;certain&nbsp;the&nbsp;stink&nbsp;was&nbsp;coming&nbsp;from<br>the&nbsp;town&nbsp;hall...<br><br>But&nbsp;enough&nbsp;about&nbsp;that.<br><br>Let's&nbsp;hear&nbsp;some&nbsp;juicy&nbsp;news.&nbsp;&nbsp;Amanda&nbsp;Bale<br>and&nbsp;Erzsebet&nbsp;Angle&nbsp;have&nbsp;been&nbsp;steaming&nbsp;up<br>the&nbsp;dance&nbsp;floor&nbsp;down&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;high&nbsp;school,<br>and&nbsp;hoo&nbsp;boy,&nbsp;those&nbsp;girls&nbsp;can&nbsp;tango.&nbsp;&nbsp;Who<br>says&nbsp;you&nbsp;need&nbsp;a&nbsp;man,&nbsp;&nbsp;right&nbsp;ladies?&nbsp;Come<br>chat&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;time.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;folks&nbsp;who<br>run&nbsp;the&nbsp;local&nbsp;competitions.&nbsp;<br><br>Also,&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;spite&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;injuries&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;the<br>contrary,&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;spied&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;little&nbsp;black&nbsp;<br>eye&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;certain&nbsp;Mayor&nbsp;hobbling&nbsp;around&nbsp;on&nbsp;<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;mill&nbsp;&nbsp;pond.&nbsp;&nbsp;What's&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;problem,&nbsp;<br>Jack?&nbsp;Even&nbsp;I&nbsp;can&nbsp;skate&nbsp;better&nbsp;than&nbsp;that.<br>You&nbsp;getting&nbsp;too&nbsp;old&nbsp;for&nbsp;fun?<br><br>On&nbsp;that&nbsp;note,&nbsp;I&nbsp;dare&nbsp;anyone&nbsp;and&nbsp;everyone<br>to&nbsp;&nbsp;send&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;pictures&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;stupidest<br>things&nbsp;they&nbsp;can&nbsp;think&nbsp;of&nbsp;doing&nbsp;while&nbsp;ice<br>skating.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'll&nbsp;Shanghai&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;editor&nbsp;into<br>giving&nbsp;me&nbsp;more&nbsp;space&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;I&nbsp;can&nbsp;&nbsp;post&nbsp;the<br>best&nbsp;of&nbsp;them&nbsp;next&nbsp;week!<br>

==February 1 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;we've&nbsp;got&nbsp;a<br>vigilante&nbsp;in&nbsp;our&nbsp;midst.&nbsp;I&nbsp;can't&nbsp;honestly<br>say&nbsp;I&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;feel&nbsp;excited&nbsp;if&nbsp;I&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;my<br>own&nbsp;superhero&nbsp;nickname,&nbsp;so&nbsp;kudos&nbsp;to&nbsp;you,<br>Blackout,&nbsp;whoever&nbsp;you&nbsp;are.<br><br>Just&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;go&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;One&nbsp;Punch&nbsp;Man&nbsp;on&nbsp;my<br>nephew&nbsp;Jadis.&nbsp;&nbsp;He&nbsp;likes&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;dress&nbsp;like&nbsp;a<br>punk,&nbsp;but&nbsp;he's&nbsp;got&nbsp;the&nbsp;soul&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;cherry-<br>pink&nbsp;marshmallow.<br><br>Yes,&nbsp;dear.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;love&nbsp;you&nbsp;too.&nbsp;&nbsp;Suffer.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;suffering,&nbsp;I&nbsp;heard&nbsp;tell&nbsp;that<br>our&nbsp;&nbsp;very&nbsp;own&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;was&nbsp;spotted&nbsp;on&nbsp;one&nbsp;of<br>the&nbsp;bridges&nbsp;down&nbsp;in&nbsp;Fort&nbsp;Brunsett,&nbsp;stark<br>naked&nbsp;and&nbsp;covered&nbsp;in&nbsp;stripper&nbsp;glitter.<br><br>Kip,&nbsp;I&nbsp;can't&nbsp;say&nbsp;I&nbsp;blame&nbsp;you.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;I&nbsp;ever<br>caught&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;case&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;glitteritis&nbsp;as&nbsp;bad&nbsp;as<br>that&nbsp;one,&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;be&nbsp;tempted&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;jump&nbsp;off&nbsp;a<br>bridge's&nbsp;railing,&nbsp;too.<br><br>The&nbsp;Tam&nbsp;seems&nbsp;to&nbsp;be&nbsp;getting&nbsp;more&nbsp;popular<br>lately,&nbsp;&nbsp;or&nbsp;&nbsp;maybe&nbsp;folks&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;stir<br>crazy&nbsp;after&nbsp;all&nbsp;that&nbsp;snow.&nbsp;&nbsp;Or&nbsp;crazy,&nbsp;in<br>general.&nbsp;&nbsp;Franklyn,&nbsp;I've&nbsp;&nbsp;gotta&nbsp;say,&nbsp;I'm<br>disappointed.&nbsp;&nbsp;You're&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;good&nbsp;girl,&nbsp;&nbsp;but<br>if&nbsp;you&nbsp;keep&nbsp;this&nbsp;up,&nbsp;you're&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;end<br>up&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;loony&nbsp;bin&nbsp;or&nbsp;six&nbsp;feet&nbsp;under.<br><br>Walking&nbsp;around&nbsp;the&nbsp;city&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;PJs&nbsp;is<br>one&nbsp;thing.&nbsp;&nbsp;Even&nbsp;Adam&nbsp;Wilkinson&nbsp;has&nbsp;done<br>that&nbsp;one,&nbsp;hasn't&nbsp;he,&nbsp;Adam?&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Whatever&nbsp;&nbsp;guy&nbsp;you're&nbsp;crying&nbsp;about,&nbsp;&nbsp;come<br>sniffle&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;West&nbsp;&nbsp;bank,&nbsp;&nbsp;girl.&nbsp;&nbsp;You&nbsp;<br>should&nbsp;know&nbsp;better.&nbsp;&nbsp;Also,&nbsp;get&nbsp;a&nbsp;jacket!<br><br>Last&nbsp;but&nbsp;not&nbsp;least,&nbsp;it&nbsp;sounds&nbsp;like&nbsp;we've<br>got&nbsp;ourselves&nbsp;a&nbsp;new&nbsp;brawler&nbsp;in&nbsp;town.&nbsp;Old<br>Janni&nbsp;Kristoffsen&nbsp;&nbsp;said&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;girl&nbsp;named<br>Merle&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;into&nbsp;one&nbsp;rip-roaring&nbsp;fight&nbsp;at<br>the&nbsp;bar&nbsp;over&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;pack&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;cigarettes&nbsp;&nbsp;she<br>may&nbsp;or&nbsp;may&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;acquired&nbsp;with&nbsp;his<br>permission.<br><br>What&nbsp;I&nbsp;wonder&nbsp;is&nbsp;this:&nbsp;if&nbsp;we&nbsp;put&nbsp;Mystery<br>Merle&nbsp;in&nbsp;a&nbsp;pit&nbsp;with&nbsp;C.B.&nbsp;Alexander,&nbsp;who<br>would&nbsp;be&nbsp;the&nbsp;last&nbsp;one&nbsp;standing?<br>


==February 8 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;we've&nbsp;got&nbsp;a<br>whole&nbsp;&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of&nbsp;pink,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;enough&nbsp;roses&nbsp;to<br>sink&nbsp;a&nbsp;boat.&nbsp;&nbsp;Or&nbsp;a&nbsp;float.<br><br>Kids,&nbsp;go&nbsp;gentle&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;Valentine's&nbsp;float<br>in&nbsp;the&nbsp;parade&nbsp;this&nbsp;year.&nbsp;&nbsp;While&nbsp;I&nbsp;can't,<br>as&nbsp;a&nbsp;reasonable&nbsp;adult,&nbsp;&nbsp;condone&nbsp;sticking<br>fireworks&nbsp;under&nbsp;its&nbsp;chassis,&nbsp;the&nbsp;symbol-<br>ism&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;love&nbsp;going&nbsp;up&nbsp;in&nbsp;flames&nbsp;and&nbsp;then<br>setting&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;church&nbsp;on&nbsp;fire&nbsp;was&nbsp;a&nbsp;little<br>too&nbsp;close&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;mark&nbsp;for&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;few&nbsp;ladies<br>last&nbsp;year,&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;did&nbsp;drive&nbsp;up&nbsp;subscrip-<br>tions&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;paper&nbsp;and&nbsp;my&nbsp;column...<br><br>Maybe&nbsp;stick&nbsp;to&nbsp;uncomfortable&nbsp;red&nbsp;oozing.<br>No?&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay,&nbsp;how&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;wearing&nbsp;sheets&nbsp;and<br>putting&nbsp;on&nbsp;a&nbsp;Christmas&nbsp;Story&nbsp;parody&nbsp;with<br>the&nbsp;ghost&nbsp;of&nbsp;loves&nbsp;past?&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;know&nbsp;Harriet<br>isn't&nbsp;&nbsp;used&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;sneaking&nbsp;around&nbsp;under&nbsp;a<br>sheet&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;daylight,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;sure&nbsp;she<br>could&nbsp;make&nbsp;an&nbsp;&nbsp;exception&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;teach&nbsp;you&nbsp;a<br>few&nbsp;tricks.<br><br>In&nbsp;other&nbsp;news,&nbsp;Fort&nbsp;Brunsett&nbsp;has&nbsp;had&nbsp;yet<br>another&nbsp;series&nbsp;of&nbsp;violent&nbsp;crimes.&nbsp;&nbsp;Can't<br>say&nbsp;as&nbsp;I&nbsp;blame&nbsp;them.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;get&nbsp;violent&nbsp;when<br>my&nbsp;car&nbsp;door&nbsp;freezes&nbsp;shut&nbsp;after&nbsp;an&nbsp;entire<br>day&nbsp;of&nbsp;freezing&nbsp;rain,&nbsp;myself.<br><br>I&nbsp;do&nbsp;not,&nbsp;&nbsp;however,&nbsp;then&nbsp;explode&nbsp;my&nbsp;car.<br><br>Yours&nbsp;&nbsp;truly&nbsp;&nbsp;hasn't&nbsp;gotten&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;the<br>details&nbsp;on&nbsp;this&nbsp;one,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;my&nbsp;sources&nbsp;did<br>say&nbsp;the&nbsp;driver&nbsp;was&nbsp;a&nbsp;criminal,&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;that<br>he&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;yelling&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;hung&nbsp;&nbsp;men&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;<br>midgets&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;rods&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;could&nbsp;&nbsp;shoot&nbsp;six<br>blocks.&nbsp;&nbsp;Somehow,&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;excellent&nbsp;as&nbsp;that<br>image&nbsp;is,&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;think&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;quite<br>what&nbsp;happened.<br><br>Last&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;&nbsp;least,&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;Last&nbsp;Chance<br>diner&nbsp;down&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;junkyard&nbsp;had&nbsp;its&nbsp;own<br>dust-up.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;gang&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;feisty<br>ne'er-do-wells&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;face&nbsp;full&nbsp;of&nbsp;bacon<br>after&nbsp;&nbsp;interrupting&nbsp;Johnny&nbsp;Drexel&nbsp;at&nbsp;his<br>breakfast&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;pretty&nbsp;girl.&nbsp;&nbsp;Gentleman<br>that&nbsp;he&nbsp;was,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;he&nbsp;&nbsp;even&nbsp;&nbsp;played&nbsp;<br>white&nbsp;knight&nbsp;to&nbsp;her&nbsp;when&nbsp;the&nbsp;rest&nbsp;of&nbsp;the<br>gang&nbsp;tried&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;beat&nbsp;&nbsp;them&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;when&nbsp;they&nbsp;<br>left&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;diner,&nbsp;aided&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;Samaritan<br>Scooby&nbsp;Gang.<br><br>Thugs&nbsp;and&nbsp;assorted&nbsp;criminals,&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;you're<br>going&nbsp;to&nbsp;pick&nbsp;on&nbsp;a&nbsp;guy,&nbsp;&nbsp;pick&nbsp;on&nbsp;Drexel.<br>I&nbsp;want&nbsp;to&nbsp;see&nbsp;&nbsp;how&nbsp;many&nbsp;times&nbsp;I&nbsp;can&nbsp;tell<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;same&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;story&nbsp;&nbsp;before&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;editor<br>strangles&nbsp;me&nbsp;for&nbsp;it.

==February 15 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;T&nbsp;A&nbsp;M&nbsp;A&nbsp;R&nbsp;A&nbsp;C&nbsp;K&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;T&nbsp;I&nbsp;M&nbsp;E&nbsp;S<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;GOSSIP&nbsp;COLUMN,&nbsp;by&nbsp;Enid&nbsp;SCHMITT<br><br>This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;parade<br>went&nbsp;off&nbsp;without&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;hitch.&nbsp;&nbsp;Or,&nbsp;&nbsp;rather,<br>without&nbsp;a&nbsp;torch.&nbsp;&nbsp;There&nbsp;was&nbsp;a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of&nbsp;red<br>and&nbsp;pink&nbsp;confetti,&nbsp;and&nbsp;Mrs.&nbsp;Herringworth<br>may&nbsp;or&nbsp;may&nbsp;not&nbsp;have&nbsp;lost&nbsp;her&nbsp;dentures&nbsp;on<br>a&nbsp;lollipop,&nbsp;but&nbsp;the&nbsp;vampire&nbsp;fangs&nbsp;may&nbsp;or<br>may&nbsp;not&nbsp;have&nbsp;made&nbsp;it&nbsp;all&nbsp;worth&nbsp;it.&nbsp;<br><br>Seriously.&nbsp;&nbsp;Fangs.<br><br>Linda,&nbsp;you&nbsp;win&nbsp;at&nbsp;life.&nbsp;&nbsp;Then&nbsp;again,&nbsp;you<br>have&nbsp;had&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;twice&nbsp;as&nbsp;many&nbsp;&nbsp;years&nbsp;to<br>get&nbsp;better&nbsp;at&nbsp;it...<br><br>I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;tell&nbsp;a&nbsp;certain&nbsp;pair&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;teenagers<br>was&nbsp;&nbsp;trying&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;better&nbsp;at&nbsp;something&nbsp;I<br>can't&nbsp;&nbsp;put&nbsp;in&nbsp;print,&nbsp;&nbsp;too.&nbsp;&nbsp;Kids,&nbsp;&nbsp;maybe<br>next&nbsp;time&nbsp;you&nbsp;should&nbsp;turn&nbsp;the&nbsp;car&nbsp;lights<br>off&nbsp;before&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;start&nbsp;&nbsp;making&nbsp;it&nbsp;&nbsp;bounce<br>around.<br><br>You&nbsp;know&nbsp;what&nbsp;else&nbsp;was&nbsp;bouncing?&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Men.&nbsp;&nbsp;Three&nbsp;of&nbsp;them,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;they&nbsp;were&nbsp;the<br>only&nbsp;ones&nbsp;to&nbsp;volunteer&nbsp;down&nbsp;at&nbsp;The&nbsp;Plank<br>on&nbsp;&nbsp;Amateur&nbsp;&nbsp;Night.&nbsp;&nbsp;That&nbsp;big&nbsp;boxer&nbsp;King<br>was&nbsp;down&nbsp;there,&nbsp;&nbsp;too,&nbsp;though&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;he<br>wouldn't&nbsp;dance.&nbsp;&nbsp;Scoping&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;the&nbsp;compe-<br>tition,&nbsp;perhaps?&nbsp;&nbsp;His&nbsp;&nbsp;new&nbsp;establishment<br>does&nbsp;&nbsp;seem&nbsp;to&nbsp;lack&nbsp;a&nbsp;certain&nbsp;grit.&nbsp;&nbsp;That<br>could&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;be&nbsp;memories&nbsp;of&nbsp;my&nbsp;shoes&nbsp;get-<br>ting&nbsp;stuck&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;floor&nbsp;&nbsp;by&nbsp;old&nbsp;glitter<br>and&nbsp;grog,&nbsp;however...<br><br>My&nbsp;&nbsp;sources&nbsp;&nbsp;also&nbsp;claim&nbsp;our&nbsp;favorite&nbsp;cop<br>crisper&nbsp;&nbsp;C.B.&nbsp;Alexander&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;there&nbsp;&nbsp;with<br>none&nbsp;other&nbsp;than&nbsp;Franklyn&nbsp;Garreau,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;a<br>cutey&nbsp;&nbsp;no&nbsp;one&nbsp;&nbsp;could&nbsp;&nbsp;quite&nbsp;get&nbsp;the&nbsp;name<br>of,&nbsp;too.&nbsp;&nbsp;On&nbsp;&nbsp;Valentine's&nbsp;&nbsp;Day?&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;smell<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;threesome&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;air!&nbsp;&nbsp;Tell&nbsp;us,&nbsp;Mr.<br>Alexander,&nbsp;&nbsp;how&nbsp;&nbsp;do&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;&nbsp;cockles&nbsp;grow?<br>Pretty&nbsp;maids&nbsp;all&nbsp;in&nbsp;a&nbsp;row?

==February 22 2018==
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Enid was kidnapped!!

==March 1 2018==
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Enid is still missing!!  Oh wait, she got away!

==March 8 2018==
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Enid is home! Yay!  She is recovering, though, and couldn't collect enough gossip before her deadline.

==March 15 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;a<br>lot&nbsp;of&nbsp;gossip&nbsp;to&nbsp;catch&nbsp;up&nbsp;on!&nbsp;Here&nbsp;we&nbsp;go<br>now...<br><br>In&nbsp;older&nbsp;news,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;owe&nbsp;Emmett&nbsp;Anderson&nbsp;a<br>great&nbsp;&nbsp;big&nbsp;thank&nbsp;you&nbsp;for&nbsp;egging&nbsp;my&nbsp;house<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;getting&nbsp;punished&nbsp;for&nbsp;it.&nbsp;&nbsp;Thanks&nbsp;to<br>his&nbsp;mom,&nbsp;too,&nbsp;for&nbsp;punishing&nbsp;him!&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Anyone&nbsp;else&nbsp;&nbsp;feel&nbsp;like&nbsp;weeding&nbsp;my&nbsp;flower<br>garden?&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;can&nbsp;sit&nbsp;inside&nbsp;and&nbsp;pretend&nbsp;to<br>get&nbsp;&nbsp;kidnapped&nbsp;again.&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;tropical<br>island&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;&nbsp;time;&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;would&nbsp;&nbsp;be&nbsp;&nbsp;an<br>improvement.<br><br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;missed&nbsp;the&nbsp;bombing&nbsp;of&nbsp;that<br>poor&nbsp;old&nbsp;&nbsp;bowling&nbsp;&nbsp;alley&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;Fort<br>Brunsett,&nbsp;too.&nbsp;&nbsp;Can't&nbsp;say&nbsp;as&nbsp;I&nbsp;blame&nbsp;the<br>bombers,&nbsp;though.&nbsp;&nbsp;That&nbsp;place&nbsp;sold&nbsp;food&nbsp;I<br>never&nbsp;once&nbsp;didn't&nbsp;regret&nbsp;eating.&nbsp;&nbsp;Quick,<br>set&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;petition&nbsp;--&nbsp;better&nbsp;&nbsp;food&nbsp;&nbsp;for<br>better&nbsp;bowlers!<br><br>As&nbsp;&nbsp;much&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;&nbsp;would&nbsp;all&nbsp;love&nbsp;to&nbsp;hear<br>that&nbsp;&nbsp;THE&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;Alexander&nbsp;was&nbsp;responsible,<br>I'm&nbsp;afraid&nbsp;police&nbsp;have&nbsp;already&nbsp;confirmed<br>he&nbsp;wasn't&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;premises.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;did&nbsp;hear&nbsp;a<br>juicy&nbsp;&nbsp;tidbit&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;drunken&nbsp;visit&nbsp;to<br>the&nbsp;hospital&nbsp;room&nbsp;of&nbsp;one&nbsp;Cerise&nbsp;Hodgson,<br>however,&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;delectably&nbsp;&nbsp;pathetic<br>bouquet&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;ward-load&nbsp;of&nbsp;yelling.&nbsp;&nbsp;Do<br>we&nbsp;have&nbsp;a&nbsp;new&nbsp;romance&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;offing?&nbsp;One<br>that&nbsp;&nbsp;involves&nbsp;&nbsp;hospital&nbsp;&nbsp;security&nbsp;right<br>from&nbsp;the&nbsp;start&nbsp;can't&nbsp;possibly&nbsp;go&nbsp;wrong.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;bouquets...<br><br>Our&nbsp;&nbsp;favorite&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;seen&nbsp;buying<br>more&nbsp;than&nbsp;one&nbsp;handful&nbsp;of&nbsp;flowers&nbsp;lately,<br>and&nbsp;rumor&nbsp;has&nbsp;it,&nbsp;none&nbsp;of&nbsp;them&nbsp;have&nbsp;been<br>for&nbsp;Mina&nbsp;Grey!<br><br>Has&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;slutcracker&nbsp;ballerina&nbsp;lost&nbsp;her<br>leghold&nbsp;on&nbsp;his&nbsp;heart?<br><br>Is&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;&nbsp;true&nbsp;that&nbsp;they&nbsp;have&nbsp;ALL&nbsp;been&nbsp;for<br>one&nbsp;of&nbsp;his&nbsp;&nbsp;employees?&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip,&nbsp;&nbsp;do&nbsp;&nbsp;let&nbsp;us<br>know,&nbsp;there's&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;dear.&nbsp;&nbsp;Mandy&nbsp;needs&nbsp;the<br>laugh.&nbsp;A&nbsp;little&nbsp;birdy&nbsp;tells&nbsp;me&nbsp;she&nbsp;tried<br>climbing&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;HER&nbsp;employee's&nbsp;back&nbsp;window,<br>fell,&nbsp;and&nbsp;had&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;be&nbsp;&nbsp;rescued&nbsp;from&nbsp;&nbsp;the<br>town's&nbsp;worst&nbsp;window-wedgie&nbsp;in&nbsp;decades...<br><br>

==March 22 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;T&nbsp;A&nbsp;M&nbsp;A&nbsp;R&nbsp;A&nbsp;C&nbsp;K&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;T&nbsp;I&nbsp;M&nbsp;E&nbsp;S<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;GOSSIP&nbsp;COLUMN,&nbsp;by&nbsp;Enid&nbsp;SCHMITT<br><br>This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;little&nbsp;John<br>Horner&nbsp;learned&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;hard&nbsp;way&nbsp;that,&nbsp;&nbsp;when<br>mama&nbsp;says&nbsp;to&nbsp;stop,&nbsp;you&nbsp;stop.<br><br>Don't&nbsp;worry.&nbsp;The&nbsp;ice&nbsp;broke&nbsp;his&nbsp;fall.&nbsp;And<br>his&nbsp;elbow.&nbsp;&nbsp;Condolences&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;Gibb&nbsp;slaps<br>may&nbsp;be&nbsp;directed&nbsp;to&nbsp;Mulberry&nbsp;Lane.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;self-injury,&nbsp;I&nbsp;just&nbsp;happened<br>to&nbsp;&nbsp;overhear&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;few&nbsp;&nbsp;police&nbsp;officers&nbsp;the<br>other&nbsp;&nbsp;day&nbsp;&nbsp;talking&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;Electric&nbsp;City<br>blowing&nbsp;up&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;freak&nbsp;power&nbsp;surge.<br>My&nbsp;source&nbsp;wasn't&nbsp;as&nbsp;open&nbsp;as&nbsp;I&nbsp;would&nbsp;have<br>liked,&nbsp;so&nbsp;it&nbsp;could&nbsp;have&nbsp;been&nbsp;a&nbsp;Jane,&nbsp;Jan<br>or&nbsp;&nbsp;maybe&nbsp;even&nbsp;&nbsp;James.&nbsp;&nbsp;As&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;&nbsp;gossip<br>specialist,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;fail&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;today.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;you<br>know&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;&nbsp;got&nbsp;themselves&nbsp;maimed,&nbsp;share!<br>Inquiring&nbsp;minds&nbsp;want&nbsp;schadenfreude!<br><br>Now,&nbsp;Mayor&nbsp;Jack&nbsp;hasn't&nbsp;been&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;paper<br>enough&nbsp;&nbsp;lately,&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;my&nbsp;opinion,&nbsp;so&nbsp;let's<br>share&nbsp;a&nbsp;wee&nbsp;tidbit&nbsp;of&nbsp;Spring&nbsp;&nbsp;silliness,<br>shall&nbsp;we?&nbsp;&nbsp;We&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;he's&nbsp;a&nbsp;handsome<br>devil,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;we&nbsp;all&nbsp;know&nbsp;he's&nbsp;an&nbsp;all&nbsp;&nbsp;too<br>sober&nbsp;one;&nbsp;trust&nbsp;me,&nbsp;the&nbsp;number&nbsp;of&nbsp;times<br>I've&nbsp;tried&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;that&nbsp;man&nbsp;to&nbsp;drink...<br><br>Just&nbsp;the&nbsp;other&nbsp;day,&nbsp;&nbsp;Mandy&nbsp;Morrison&nbsp;says<br>she&nbsp;saw&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;Mayor&nbsp;out&nbsp;behind&nbsp;her&nbsp;house,<br>wearing&nbsp;red&nbsp;boxers&nbsp;with&nbsp;white&nbsp;hearts&nbsp;all<br>over,&nbsp;&nbsp;chasing&nbsp;down&nbsp;what&nbsp;she&nbsp;swore&nbsp;was&nbsp;a<br>little&nbsp;kid&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;&nbsp;dressed&nbsp;up&nbsp;like&nbsp;an&nbsp;elf.<br>Pretty&nbsp;thorough&nbsp;&nbsp;mask,&nbsp;&nbsp;too.&nbsp;&nbsp;They&nbsp;&nbsp;went<br>around&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;corner&nbsp;&nbsp;pretty&nbsp;&nbsp;quick,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I<br>now&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;it&nbsp;on&nbsp;excellent&nbsp;authority&nbsp;that<br>our&nbsp;Mayor&nbsp;has&nbsp;one&nbsp;spectacular&nbsp;ass.<br><br>Kip,&nbsp;&nbsp;however,&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;concealing&nbsp;his.<br><br>Don't&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;that&nbsp;no&nbsp;matter&nbsp;how&nbsp;many<br>girls&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;run&nbsp;&nbsp;through,&nbsp;&nbsp;trying&nbsp;to&nbsp;beat&nbsp;<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;town's&nbsp;speed-dumping&nbsp;&nbsp;records,&nbsp;&nbsp;you<br>will&nbsp;always&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;our&nbsp;&nbsp;love?&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;know&nbsp;for<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;fact&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;Sally&nbsp;Quinn&nbsp;has&nbsp;a&nbsp;mind&nbsp;to<br>share&nbsp;her&nbsp;muffins&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;you&nbsp;any&nbsp;time&nbsp;you<br>like.&nbsp;&nbsp;Of&nbsp;course,&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;&nbsp;boyfriend&nbsp;seemed<br>to&nbsp;disagree&nbsp;with&nbsp;the&nbsp;idea...

==March 29 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;town's<br>favorite&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;Kensington&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;back&nbsp;in&nbsp;the<br>spotlight,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;hoo&nbsp;boy,&nbsp;&nbsp;it's&nbsp;a&nbsp;doozy.<br>Miss&nbsp;Ethel&nbsp;says&nbsp;there&nbsp;she&nbsp;was,&nbsp;&nbsp;buying&nbsp;a<br>nice&nbsp;book&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;little&nbsp;nephew&nbsp;over&nbsp;at<br>Homepage&nbsp;&nbsp;Books,&nbsp;&nbsp;when&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;nowhere,&nbsp;<br>there&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;was,&nbsp;&nbsp;asking&nbsp;a&nbsp;female&nbsp;employee<br>if&nbsp;he&nbsp;was&nbsp;hot.<br><br>Just&nbsp;wait.&nbsp;&nbsp;It&nbsp;gets&nbsp;better.<br><br>THEN,&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;said&nbsp;something&nbsp;about&nbsp;getting&nbsp;a<br>raincoat&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;go&nbsp;&nbsp;meet&nbsp;&nbsp;another&nbsp;&nbsp;girl.&nbsp;&nbsp;A<br>girl&nbsp;who&nbsp;was&nbsp;not&nbsp;Mina,&nbsp;it&nbsp;must&nbsp;be&nbsp;noted.<br>Who&nbsp;IS&nbsp;this&nbsp;mystery&nbsp;woman&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;phone?<br><br>Even&nbsp;&nbsp;better,&nbsp;&nbsp;reliable&nbsp;&nbsp;sources&nbsp;tell&nbsp;me<br>that&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;overheard&nbsp;having&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;chat<br>with&nbsp;Copfire&nbsp;Alexander&nbsp;himself.&nbsp;Not&nbsp;just<br>a&nbsp;chat,&nbsp;&nbsp;no,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;&nbsp;rather&nbsp;&nbsp;pointed<br>questions&nbsp;about&nbsp;C.B.'s&nbsp;interest&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;Mina<br>Grey.&nbsp;&nbsp;Will&nbsp;this&nbsp;love&nbsp;triangle&nbsp;ever&nbsp;end?<br><br>Kip,&nbsp;our&nbsp;rabid&nbsp;readers&nbsp;are&nbsp;dying&nbsp;to&nbsp;know<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;truth.&nbsp;&nbsp;When&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;talked&nbsp;with&nbsp;C.B.<br>about&nbsp;rings,&nbsp;was&nbsp;that&nbsp;for&nbsp;you&nbsp;or&nbsp;for&nbsp;one<br>of&nbsp;your&nbsp;&nbsp;harem?&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;Cerise's&nbsp;name<br>came&nbsp;&nbsp;up,&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;could&nbsp;explain&nbsp;&nbsp;why&nbsp;&nbsp;you<br>were&nbsp;asking&nbsp;her&nbsp;if&nbsp;you&nbsp;were&nbsp;hot...<br><br>On&nbsp;the&nbsp;subject&nbsp;of&nbsp;lovely&nbsp;ladies,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;have<br>it&nbsp;on&nbsp;good&nbsp;&nbsp;authority&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;local&nbsp;story-<br>teller&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;hair-dye&nbsp;enthusiast&nbsp;November<br>was&nbsp;seen&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;at&nbsp;&nbsp;Aspire&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;hockey<br>rink&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;rather&nbsp;talented&nbsp;young&nbsp;woman.<br>Talented&nbsp;in&nbsp;more&nbsp;than&nbsp;one&nbsp;way,&nbsp;it&nbsp;seems.<br>You&nbsp;go,&nbsp;girl.&nbsp;&nbsp;Turning&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;time-out&nbsp;&nbsp;box<br>into&nbsp;a&nbsp;kissing&nbsp;booth&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;the&nbsp;Enid&nbsp;stamp<br>of&nbsp;approval!<br><br>What&nbsp;doesn't&nbsp;have&nbsp;my&nbsp;approval?<br><br>Letting&nbsp;dogs&nbsp;take&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;dump&nbsp;on&nbsp;public&nbsp;land<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;cleaning&nbsp;it&nbsp;up.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;anyone&nbsp;sees<br>the&nbsp;owner&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;dog&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;particularly<br>large&nbsp;rectum&nbsp;down&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;Miller&nbsp;gardens,<br>do&nbsp;&nbsp;let&nbsp;&nbsp;me&nbsp;&nbsp;know,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;can&nbsp;thank&nbsp;them<br>for&nbsp;their&nbsp;&nbsp;contribution&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;public<br>health&nbsp;and&nbsp;safety&nbsp;codes.

==April 5, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;I<br>started&nbsp;rumors&nbsp;all&nbsp;on&nbsp;my&nbsp;lonesome,&nbsp;which<br>is&nbsp;an&nbsp;entertainment,&nbsp;I&nbsp;assure&nbsp;you.&nbsp;&nbsp;Yes,<br>I&nbsp;did&nbsp;indeed&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;clumps&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;extremely<br>handsome&nbsp;young&nbsp;&nbsp;gentlemen&nbsp;&nbsp;coming&nbsp;&nbsp;by&nbsp;my<br>office&nbsp;to&nbsp;give&nbsp;me&nbsp;gifts.&nbsp;&nbsp;Ladies,&nbsp;too.<br><br>Thank&nbsp;you,&nbsp;&nbsp;one&nbsp;and&nbsp;all,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;kind<br>words&nbsp;and&nbsp;wishes.&nbsp;&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;Alexander,&nbsp;&nbsp;thank<br>you,&nbsp;&nbsp;too,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;effort&nbsp;you&nbsp;put&nbsp;into<br>telling&nbsp;the&nbsp;world&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;an&nbsp;abomination.<br><br>I&nbsp;respect&nbsp;your&nbsp;opinions.&nbsp;&nbsp;Mine&nbsp;differ.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;different,&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;you&nbsp;haven't<br>gone&nbsp;&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;farm&nbsp;&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;Fry&nbsp;fields,&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>recommend&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;trip&nbsp;out&nbsp;west&nbsp;of&nbsp;town.&nbsp;&nbsp;The<br>Rackhams&nbsp;&nbsp;chalked&nbsp;each&nbsp;and&nbsp;every&nbsp;&nbsp;one&nbsp;of<br>their&nbsp;sheep&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;Easter&nbsp;egg&nbsp;&nbsp;stripes&nbsp;and<br>spots.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;have&nbsp;been&nbsp;&nbsp;assured&nbsp;that&nbsp;all&nbsp;of<br>the&nbsp;chalk&nbsp;sprays&nbsp;&nbsp;used&nbsp;are&nbsp;biodegradable<br>and&nbsp;not&nbsp;harmful&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;animals.<br><br>Belated&nbsp;Easter&nbsp;themes&nbsp;are&nbsp;the&nbsp;way&nbsp;to&nbsp;go,<br>it&nbsp;seems.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;tell&nbsp;the&nbsp;mighty&nbsp;magic-<br>ians&nbsp;&nbsp;Haruki&nbsp;and&nbsp;Itsuki&nbsp;&nbsp;ran&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;&nbsp;Easter<br>event&nbsp;for&nbsp;kids&nbsp;with&nbsp;themed&nbsp;magic&nbsp;tricks,<br>an&nbsp;&nbsp;egg&nbsp;&nbsp;hunt&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;real&nbsp;&nbsp;rabbits.&nbsp;&nbsp;As&nbsp;&nbsp;a<br>gardener,&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;&nbsp;gotta&nbsp;&nbsp;say,&nbsp;&nbsp;petting&nbsp;&nbsp;a<br>bunny&nbsp;isn't&nbsp;my&nbsp;current&nbsp;desire...<br><br>I&nbsp;know&nbsp;someone&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;does&nbsp;desire&nbsp;petting,<br>however.&nbsp;&nbsp;Tommy,&nbsp;&nbsp;next&nbsp;&nbsp;time&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;steal<br>your&nbsp;papa's&nbsp;liquor,&nbsp;leave&nbsp;the&nbsp;cell&nbsp;phone<br>at&nbsp;&nbsp;home.&nbsp;&nbsp;Drunk&nbsp;&nbsp;texting&nbsp;&nbsp;me,&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;all<br>people,&nbsp;is&nbsp;just&nbsp;asking&nbsp;for&nbsp;trouble.&nbsp;&nbsp;You<br>also&nbsp;owe&nbsp;me&nbsp;$5&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;bet&nbsp;you&nbsp;made&nbsp;that<br>I&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;print&nbsp;it.

==April 12, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;a&nbsp;long-term<br>reader&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;determined&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;flood&nbsp;me&nbsp;with<br>rabbits.<br><br>Haruki,&nbsp;kid,&nbsp;you're&nbsp;a&nbsp;magician.&nbsp;Use&nbsp;your<br>magic&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;keep&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;gosh&nbsp;&nbsp;darned&nbsp;bunnies<br>out&nbsp;of&nbsp;my&nbsp;tulips,&nbsp;and&nbsp;I&nbsp;won't&nbsp;need&nbsp;to&nbsp;be<br>upset&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;them.&nbsp;&nbsp;They&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;clover<br>patch&nbsp;and&nbsp;plenty&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;greens&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;in&nbsp;the<br>woods.<br><br>The&nbsp;deer&nbsp;have&nbsp;returned,&nbsp;&nbsp;too,&nbsp;as&nbsp;Delilah<br>learned&nbsp;the&nbsp;other&nbsp;&nbsp;night&nbsp;on&nbsp;Main&nbsp;Street.<br>Del,&nbsp;you&nbsp;let&nbsp;us&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;the&nbsp;kids&nbsp;need&nbsp;a<br>ride&nbsp;anywhere.&nbsp;&nbsp;Let&nbsp;me&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;when&nbsp;you're<br>finally&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;up&nbsp;that&nbsp;prescription&nbsp;on<br>your&nbsp;glasses,&nbsp;too,&nbsp;because&nbsp;your&nbsp;radiator<br>has&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;holes&nbsp;to&nbsp;prove&nbsp;that&nbsp;buck&nbsp;wasn't<br>a&nbsp;bush...<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;friends&nbsp;in&nbsp;need,&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;tell<br>our&nbsp;&nbsp;favorite&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;managed&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;find&nbsp;some<br>booze&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;Fort&nbsp;Brunsett&nbsp;this&nbsp;past<br>week.&nbsp;Who&nbsp;knew&nbsp;Cat-22&nbsp;had&nbsp;a&nbsp;bar&nbsp;upstairs<br>and,&nbsp;more&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;point,&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;knew&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip<br>actually&nbsp;drank&nbsp;in&nbsp;public?&nbsp;<br><br>Maybe&nbsp;he&nbsp;shouldn't&nbsp;have.<br><br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;&nbsp;his&nbsp;&nbsp;'not-nerdy&nbsp;girl'&nbsp;without<br>glasses&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;his&nbsp;lovely&nbsp;Mina&nbsp;had&nbsp;to&nbsp;drag<br>him,&nbsp;mumbling,&nbsp;down&nbsp;the&nbsp;stairs.<br><br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;also&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;talking&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;an<br>imaginary&nbsp;friend&nbsp;named&nbsp;&nbsp;Andrew&nbsp;&nbsp;over&nbsp;&nbsp;at<br>Homepage.&nbsp;&nbsp;Everything&nbsp;&nbsp;okay&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;you,<br>Kip?&nbsp;&nbsp;We&nbsp;adore&nbsp;you,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;I&nbsp;can&nbsp;guarantee<br>Missy&nbsp;Miller&nbsp;&nbsp;would&nbsp;&nbsp;share&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;her<br>famous&nbsp;peach&nbsp;pie&nbsp;if&nbsp;you&nbsp;were&nbsp;poorly.&nbsp;She<br>told&nbsp;me&nbsp;just&nbsp;the&nbsp;other&nbsp;day&nbsp;how&nbsp;much&nbsp;she<br>loves&nbsp;&nbsp;reading&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;paper,<br>didn't&nbsp;she,&nbsp;Missy?<br><br>The&nbsp;&nbsp;fanfic&nbsp;&nbsp;shipping&nbsp;of&nbsp;you&nbsp;and&nbsp;C.B.&nbsp;is<br>still&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;best.&nbsp;&nbsp;Bernadette&nbsp;Peters&nbsp;&nbsp;has<br>sent&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;three&nbsp;comics&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;two,&nbsp;&nbsp;and<br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;I&nbsp;am&nbsp;supposed&nbsp;to&nbsp;tell&nbsp;her&nbsp;mama<br>that&nbsp;she&nbsp;expects&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;be&nbsp;called&nbsp;B.P.&nbsp;now<br>in&nbsp;C.B.'s&nbsp;image,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;plans&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;setting<br>fire&nbsp;to&nbsp;any&nbsp;broccoli&nbsp;which&nbsp;finds&nbsp;its&nbsp;way<br>onto&nbsp;her&nbsp;plate&nbsp;at&nbsp;night.<br><br>B.P.,&nbsp;you&nbsp;are&nbsp;an&nbsp;inspiration&nbsp;to&nbsp;us&nbsp;all.

==April 19, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;remain&nbsp;a<br>victim&nbsp;of&nbsp;rabbit&nbsp;flooding.&nbsp;&nbsp;Kid,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;live<br>surrounded&nbsp;by&nbsp;fields,&nbsp;and&nbsp;trees.&nbsp;If&nbsp;they<br>aren't&nbsp;getting&nbsp;enough&nbsp;grass,&nbsp;&nbsp;that's&nbsp;not<br>my&nbsp;fault.<br><br>What&nbsp;IS&nbsp;my&nbsp;fault&nbsp;is&nbsp;the&nbsp;delectable&nbsp;snack<br>tray&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;newspaper&nbsp;headquarters&nbsp;this<br>week.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;shamelessly&nbsp;&nbsp;self-advertise&nbsp;&nbsp;my<br>cooking,&nbsp;and&nbsp;invite&nbsp;everyone&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;mail&nbsp;in<br>any&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;advice&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;make&nbsp;it&nbsp;better.<br>Mayor&nbsp;Jack,&nbsp;I&nbsp;already&nbsp;have&nbsp;yours.&nbsp;&nbsp;No,&nbsp;I<br>will&nbsp;not&nbsp;stop&nbsp;baking.<br><br>While&nbsp;I&nbsp;won't&nbsp;stop&nbsp;baking,&nbsp;you&nbsp;all&nbsp;won't<br>stop&nbsp;&nbsp;loving,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;thankful.&nbsp;<br>Please,&nbsp;keep&nbsp;loving&nbsp;each&nbsp;other,&nbsp;and&nbsp;keep<br>having&nbsp;disasters&nbsp;like&nbsp;that&nbsp;incident&nbsp;down<br>at&nbsp;the&nbsp;mall&nbsp;last&nbsp;week.&nbsp;&nbsp;Bandies,&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;you<br>read&nbsp;this,&nbsp;correct&nbsp;me.&nbsp;&nbsp;A&nbsp;&nbsp;group&nbsp;&nbsp;called<br>'Red&nbsp;Lost&nbsp;Dead&nbsp;Lost'&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;performing&nbsp;&nbsp;in<br>the&nbsp;food&nbsp;court,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;ended&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;finishing<br>with&nbsp;a&nbsp;Springer-worthy&nbsp;love&nbsp;triangle,&nbsp;&nbsp;a<br>failed&nbsp;proposal&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;outing,&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;&nbsp;at<br>once.&nbsp;&nbsp;Come&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;think&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;it,&nbsp;&nbsp;our&nbsp;local<br>magician&nbsp;was&nbsp;there,&nbsp;too...<br><br>Haruki,&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;you&nbsp;getting&nbsp;into&nbsp;the&nbsp;match-<br>making&nbsp;business?<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;matches,&nbsp;I&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;heard&nbsp;any<br>news&nbsp;about&nbsp;our&nbsp;darling&nbsp;Kip,&nbsp;&nbsp;ladies,&nbsp;&nbsp;so<br>don't&nbsp;you&nbsp;worry.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;he&nbsp;&nbsp;falls&nbsp;&nbsp;over&nbsp;and<br>dies,&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;sure&nbsp;&nbsp;we'll&nbsp;all&nbsp;hear&nbsp;about&nbsp;it.<br>The&nbsp;cops&nbsp;are&nbsp;asking&nbsp;folks&nbsp;to&nbsp;stop&nbsp;lining<br>up&nbsp;&nbsp;outside&nbsp;&nbsp;Homepage,&nbsp;however,&nbsp;and&nbsp;I&nbsp;am<br>going&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;say&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;only&nbsp;once:&nbsp;I&nbsp;am&nbsp;not<br>giving&nbsp;anyone&nbsp;either&nbsp;Kip's&nbsp;&nbsp;or&nbsp;&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;C.B.<br>Alexander's&nbsp;&nbsp;personal&nbsp;&nbsp;addresses,&nbsp;&nbsp;phone<br>numbers&nbsp;or&nbsp;any&nbsp;other&nbsp;information.&nbsp;Please<br>stop&nbsp;asking!<br><br>Let's&nbsp;start&nbsp;thinking&nbsp;about&nbsp;frozen&nbsp;bread,<br>instead.&nbsp;&nbsp;Who&nbsp;do&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;think&nbsp;the&nbsp;winner's<br>going&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;be?&nbsp;&nbsp;Give&nbsp;me&nbsp;your&nbsp;ideas!&nbsp;&nbsp;What<br>themes&nbsp;do&nbsp;you&nbsp;think&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;Spring&nbsp;Fling&nbsp;is<br>going&nbsp;to&nbsp;end&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;stuck&nbsp;&nbsp;with?&nbsp;&nbsp;Can't&nbsp;&nbsp;be<br>worse&nbsp;&nbsp;than&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;Spongebob&nbsp;Squarepants<br>debacle&nbsp;three&nbsp;years&nbsp;back...

==April 30, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;certain<br>newspaper&nbsp;owner&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;learned&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;valuable<br>lesson:&nbsp;don't&nbsp;tick&nbsp;off&nbsp;the&nbsp;high&nbsp;schooler<br>who&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;hired&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;bring&nbsp;&nbsp;half-decent<br>coffee.<br><br>The&nbsp;&nbsp;high&nbsp;schooler&nbsp;has&nbsp;learned,&nbsp;in&nbsp;turn,<br>that&nbsp;&nbsp;watching&nbsp;&nbsp;where&nbsp;she&nbsp;&nbsp;stomps&nbsp;may&nbsp;be<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;good&nbsp;&nbsp;idea&nbsp;when&nbsp;carrying&nbsp;an&nbsp;armful&nbsp;of<br>paper&nbsp;cups&nbsp;full&nbsp;of&nbsp;steaming&nbsp;hot&nbsp;java.<br><br>The&nbsp;&nbsp;electrician&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;updating&nbsp;our<br>circuit&nbsp;&nbsp;breaker&nbsp;has,&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;turn,&nbsp;&nbsp;learned<br>just&nbsp;how&nbsp;long&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;takes&nbsp;to&nbsp;clean&nbsp;out&nbsp;the<br>electrical&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;conduits&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;fix&nbsp;&nbsp;shorted<br>wires...<br><br>Long&nbsp;&nbsp;story&nbsp;&nbsp;short,&nbsp;&nbsp;sorry&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;late<br>publication,&nbsp;folks.<br><br>Also,&nbsp;&nbsp;sorry,&nbsp;&nbsp;Hank.&nbsp;&nbsp;How&nbsp;was&nbsp;I&nbsp;supposed<br>to&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;dye&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;bandage&nbsp;would<br>bleed?&nbsp;&nbsp;Better&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;than&nbsp;&nbsp;me,&nbsp;&nbsp;though.&nbsp;I<br>don't&nbsp;look&nbsp;great&nbsp;in&nbsp;pink&nbsp;hearts.<br><br>Following&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;our&nbsp;&nbsp;apparent&nbsp;&nbsp;rabbit<br>theme,&nbsp;lately,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;Haruki&nbsp;was&nbsp;seen<br>running&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;Fort&nbsp;Brunsett's<br>riverside&nbsp;park&nbsp;on&nbsp;spring&nbsp;stilts,&nbsp;dressed<br>up&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;a&nbsp;rabbit&nbsp;and&nbsp;making&nbsp;origami,&nbsp;&nbsp;you<br>guessed&nbsp;it,&nbsp;more&nbsp;rabbits,&nbsp;for&nbsp;children.<br><br>Kid,&nbsp;try&nbsp;a&nbsp;cat&nbsp;or&nbsp;something.&nbsp;&nbsp;Be&nbsp;a&nbsp;super<br>hero.&nbsp;&nbsp;No&nbsp;way&nbsp;is&nbsp;DC&nbsp;Comics&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;make<br>a&nbsp;movie&nbsp;for&nbsp;Rabbitman.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;heroes,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;Jack&nbsp;Fry&nbsp;has<br>made&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;name&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;himself&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;&nbsp;otter<br>whisperer.&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;been&nbsp;sent&nbsp;at&nbsp;least&nbsp;four<br>YouTube&nbsp;&nbsp;links&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;videos&nbsp;and&nbsp;commentary<br>on&nbsp;the&nbsp;incident,&nbsp;and&nbsp;on&nbsp;his&nbsp;heckler.<br><br>Your&nbsp;&nbsp;park&nbsp;&nbsp;rangers&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;action,&nbsp;&nbsp;folks.<br>Kudos,&nbsp;Jack.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>P.S.&nbsp;The&nbsp;otter's&nbsp;cuter.

==May 3, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;a<br>bit&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;fun&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;local&nbsp;&nbsp;contractor&nbsp;and<br>amateur&nbsp;fisher&nbsp;Leon&nbsp;Huskey.&nbsp;See,&nbsp;he&nbsp;went<br>on&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;fishing&nbsp;spot&nbsp;by&nbsp;South-<br>bridge,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;&nbsp;it,&nbsp;&nbsp;HE&nbsp;says&nbsp;he<br>tripped&nbsp;over&nbsp;some&nbsp;sort&nbsp;of&nbsp;pothole&nbsp;in&nbsp;the<br>dirt.&nbsp;&nbsp;Caught&nbsp;&nbsp;himself&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;good&nbsp;&nbsp;crack&nbsp;on<br>the&nbsp;jaw&nbsp;for&nbsp;it,&nbsp;too,&nbsp;but&nbsp;no&nbsp;one&nbsp;else&nbsp;has<br>seen&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;much&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;whisker&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;pothole<br>there.&nbsp;&nbsp;Leon,&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;it&nbsp;makes&nbsp;me&nbsp;kiss&nbsp;&nbsp;dirt<br>as&nbsp;well&nbsp;as&nbsp;you&nbsp;did,&nbsp;I&nbsp;don't&nbsp;even&nbsp;want&nbsp;to<br>know&nbsp;what&nbsp;you&nbsp;were&nbsp;drinking.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;river,&nbsp;&nbsp;May&nbsp;first&nbsp;has<br>come&nbsp;and&nbsp;gone,&nbsp;and&nbsp;that&nbsp;means&nbsp;those&nbsp;zany<br>Lefevres&nbsp;&nbsp;were&nbsp;prancing&nbsp;around&nbsp;doing&nbsp;&nbsp;as<br>pagans&nbsp;do&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;celebrate&nbsp;Beltane.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear<br>tell&nbsp;our&nbsp;old&nbsp;Hollywood&nbsp;Hopeful,&nbsp;Cam,&nbsp;was<br>seen&nbsp;giving&nbsp;his&nbsp;sister's&nbsp;roomie&nbsp;cow-eyes<br>while&nbsp;singing&nbsp;a&nbsp;love&nbsp;song&nbsp;on&nbsp;his&nbsp;guitar.<br><br>Is&nbsp;romance&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;air?&nbsp;&nbsp;Time&nbsp;will&nbsp;tell!<br><br>If&nbsp;Cerise's&nbsp;bruises&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;C.B.'s&nbsp;form&nbsp;of<br>romance,&nbsp;&nbsp;however,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;want&nbsp;them.<br>Now,&nbsp;&nbsp;I,&nbsp;for&nbsp;one,&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;think&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;guy<br>did&nbsp;it,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I've&nbsp;&nbsp;heard&nbsp;plenty&nbsp;of&nbsp;voices<br>wondering&nbsp;&nbsp;whether&nbsp;&nbsp;Cerise&nbsp;&nbsp;could&nbsp;really<br>get&nbsp;THAT&nbsp;many&nbsp;bruises&nbsp;just&nbsp;from&nbsp;slipping<br>on&nbsp;a&nbsp;couple&nbsp;of&nbsp;rocks&nbsp;under&nbsp;a&nbsp;stream.<br><br>Cerise,&nbsp;do&nbsp;tell.&nbsp;&nbsp;Were&nbsp;you&nbsp;doing&nbsp;a&nbsp;tango<br>out&nbsp;there&nbsp;somewhere?&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;Kip's&nbsp;pretty<br>terrible&nbsp;at&nbsp;&nbsp;dancing,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;I&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;put<br>it&nbsp;&nbsp;past&nbsp;the&nbsp;guy&nbsp;to&nbsp;end&nbsp;up&nbsp;giving&nbsp;you&nbsp;an<br>elbow&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;eye...

==May 10, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;I&nbsp;have&nbsp;only<br>good&nbsp;to&nbsp;say.<br><br>Promise.<br><br>It's&nbsp;the&nbsp;talk&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;town&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;Jack&nbsp;Fry<br>may&nbsp;be&nbsp;&nbsp;even&nbsp;more&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;stand-up&nbsp;guy,&nbsp;&nbsp;if<br>you&nbsp;know&nbsp;what&nbsp;I&nbsp;mean.&nbsp;&nbsp;Why,&nbsp;Trudy&nbsp;at&nbsp;the<br>general&nbsp;store&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;saying&nbsp;just&nbsp;the&nbsp;other<br>day&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;when&nbsp;he&nbsp;was&nbsp;out&nbsp;shopping,&nbsp;she<br>overheard&nbsp;a&nbsp;twenty-something&nbsp;&nbsp;girl&nbsp;&nbsp;call<br>him&nbsp;her&nbsp;daddy,&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;wasn't&nbsp;&nbsp;she&nbsp;just&nbsp;the<br>spitting&nbsp;image&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;late&nbsp;Mrs.&nbsp;Fry...<br><br>Welcome&nbsp;to&nbsp;town,&nbsp;kid.&nbsp;&nbsp;Go&nbsp;&nbsp;do&nbsp;&nbsp;something<br>inadvisable&nbsp;and&nbsp;fun.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;"inadvisable&nbsp;and&nbsp;fun"&nbsp;things<br>to&nbsp;be&nbsp;doing,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;hear&nbsp;&nbsp;tell&nbsp;a&nbsp;trucker&nbsp;on<br>his&nbsp;&nbsp;way&nbsp;&nbsp;through&nbsp;may&nbsp;have&nbsp;had&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;too<br>much&nbsp;to&nbsp;drink.&nbsp;&nbsp;Either&nbsp;&nbsp;that,&nbsp;&nbsp;or&nbsp;he's&nbsp;a<br>fibber.&nbsp;&nbsp;Now,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;&nbsp;from&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;few<br>different&nbsp;&nbsp;sources,&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;best&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;can<br>piece&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;together,&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;man&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;trans-<br>porting&nbsp;&nbsp;crates&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;food.&nbsp;&nbsp;When&nbsp;he&nbsp;&nbsp;got<br>out&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;started&nbsp;&nbsp;unpacking&nbsp;it&nbsp;all,&nbsp;&nbsp;he<br>found&nbsp;two&nbsp;cans&nbsp;had&nbsp;been&nbsp;opened&nbsp;and&nbsp;eaten<br>up,&nbsp;turned&nbsp;&nbsp;into&nbsp;"mice"&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;craft<br>paper&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;glue.&nbsp;<br><br>Just&nbsp;wait.&nbsp;It&nbsp;gets&nbsp;even&nbsp;better.<br><br>See,&nbsp;&nbsp;along&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;the&nbsp;"mice"&nbsp;left&nbsp;there,<br>some-mouse&nbsp;&nbsp;left&nbsp;&nbsp;copious&nbsp;&nbsp;quantities&nbsp;of<br>glitter,&nbsp;&nbsp;complete&nbsp;with&nbsp;teensy&nbsp;tiny&nbsp;foot<br>prints&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;&nbsp;over&nbsp;the&nbsp;back&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;truck.<br>Another&nbsp;driver,&nbsp;&nbsp;heading&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;town&nbsp;&nbsp;last<br>Tuesday&nbsp;night,&nbsp;&nbsp;saw&nbsp;&nbsp;two&nbsp;&nbsp;sparkling&nbsp;kids<br>laughing&nbsp;&nbsp;their&nbsp;fool&nbsp;heads&nbsp;&nbsp;off&nbsp;&nbsp;jumping<br>out&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;truck&nbsp;&nbsp;at&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;stop&nbsp;light,&nbsp;but<br>when&nbsp;he&nbsp;went&nbsp;back&nbsp;to&nbsp;check&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;out,&nbsp;&nbsp;all<br>he&nbsp;found&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;splash&nbsp;of&nbsp;glitter&nbsp;on&nbsp;the<br>road.<br><br>Kids,&nbsp;&nbsp;needless&nbsp;to&nbsp;say,&nbsp;it's&nbsp;not&nbsp;a&nbsp;smart<br>idea&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;hitch-hike&nbsp;and&nbsp;it's&nbsp;not&nbsp;a&nbsp;legal<br>idea&nbsp;to&nbsp;hitch-hike&nbsp;and&nbsp;steal&nbsp;a&nbsp;company's<br>property,&nbsp;&nbsp;even&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;it&nbsp;tastes&nbsp;fantastic,<br>though&nbsp;canned&nbsp;food&nbsp;tasting&nbsp;&nbsp;fantastic&nbsp;is<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;speculation&nbsp;&nbsp;I'll&nbsp;&nbsp;save&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;a&nbsp;column<br>where&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;allowing&nbsp;myself&nbsp;to&nbsp;say&nbsp;things<br>which&nbsp;aren't&nbsp;good.<br><br>Last&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;least,&nbsp;&nbsp;what's&nbsp;this&nbsp;about<br>Miss&nbsp;Mina&nbsp;wearing&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;particular&nbsp;ring&nbsp;on<br>her&nbsp;finger?&nbsp;&nbsp;Do&nbsp;tell!&nbsp;&nbsp;That's&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;kind<br>glitter&nbsp;we&nbsp;all&nbsp;WANT&nbsp;to&nbsp;see.<br>

==May 17, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;a<br>LOT&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;through.&nbsp;You&nbsp;folks&nbsp;are&nbsp;great!<br><br>First,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;heard&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;little&nbsp;birdy&nbsp;down&nbsp;at<br>the&nbsp;Seventh&nbsp;House&nbsp;Cafe&nbsp;&nbsp;saying&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;the<br>owner,&nbsp;&nbsp;Avalon,&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;planning&nbsp;on&nbsp;hosting<br>some&nbsp;&nbsp;sort&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;fair&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;near&nbsp;future.<br>As&nbsp;long&nbsp;as&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;White&nbsp;Witch&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;North<br>here&nbsp;has&nbsp;some&nbsp;good&nbsp;black&nbsp;tea,&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;in.<br><br>Now,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;doubtful&nbsp;on&nbsp;this&nbsp;one,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;I'm<br>morally&nbsp;&nbsp;obligated&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;defend&nbsp;your&nbsp;goats<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;virgins:&nbsp;&nbsp;watch&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;so-called<br>Satanists&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;July&nbsp;27th.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;they're<br>setting&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;big&nbsp;event&nbsp;down&nbsp;by<br>the&nbsp;river.<br><br>Events&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;way&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;go,&nbsp;it&nbsp;seems,<br>because&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;gold-flinging&nbsp;Logan&nbsp;Brenner<br>is&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;to&nbsp;it&nbsp;again.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;been&nbsp;able<br>to&nbsp;get&nbsp;details,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;you'll&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;to&nbsp;stay<br>tuned&nbsp;for&nbsp;those,&nbsp;but&nbsp;it&nbsp;sounds&nbsp;like&nbsp;he's<br>planning&nbsp;a&nbsp;big&nbsp;lakeside&nbsp;barbecue&nbsp;down&nbsp;in<br>Fort&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Brunsett&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;charity.&nbsp;&nbsp;Anyone<br>feeling&nbsp;hungry?<br><br>If&nbsp;&nbsp;you're&nbsp;feeling&nbsp;hungry&nbsp;for&nbsp;abuse,&nbsp;our<br>favorite&nbsp;curmudgeon&nbsp;&nbsp;Ryan&nbsp;Dunnage&nbsp;&nbsp;seems<br>to&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;new&nbsp;&nbsp;favorite&nbsp;&nbsp;topic.&nbsp;&nbsp;Ryan,<br>what's&nbsp;up&nbsp;with&nbsp;Thompson&nbsp;Meadows?&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;you<br>want&nbsp;romantic&nbsp;advice,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;bet&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;cute<br>Japanese&nbsp;&nbsp;magician&nbsp;&nbsp;can&nbsp;help&nbsp;you&nbsp;win&nbsp;him<br>over...&nbsp;&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;&nbsp;seen&nbsp;Meadows&nbsp;in&nbsp;weeks,<br>so&nbsp;whatever&nbsp;you're&nbsp;doing,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;don't&nbsp;think<br>it's&nbsp;working.&nbsp;&nbsp;Come&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;think&nbsp;of&nbsp;it,&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>haven't&nbsp;&nbsp;seen&nbsp;&nbsp;Roberto&nbsp;&nbsp;Alvarez&nbsp;&nbsp;around,<br>either.&nbsp;What&nbsp;do&nbsp;you&nbsp;think,&nbsp;folks?&nbsp;He&nbsp;and<br>Meadows&nbsp;gone&nbsp;off&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;hitched?<br><br>Seems&nbsp;&nbsp;there's&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;a&nbsp;rash&nbsp;of&nbsp;Christmas<br>capers&nbsp;&nbsp;around&nbsp;town,&nbsp;too.&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;had&nbsp;four<br>people&nbsp;say&nbsp;they&nbsp;got&nbsp;a&nbsp;Christmas&nbsp;card&nbsp;and<br>started&nbsp;having&nbsp;weird&nbsp;stuff&nbsp;happen.&nbsp;Where<br>are&nbsp;the&nbsp;Ghostbusters&nbsp;when&nbsp;you&nbsp;need&nbsp;them?<br><br>For&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;matter,&nbsp;&nbsp;where's&nbsp;a&nbsp;Boba&nbsp;Fett?<br>Get&nbsp;this.&nbsp;&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;&nbsp;Oswald&nbsp;Addington,&nbsp;one&nbsp;of<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;Councilmen&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Fort&nbsp;Brunsett,<br>actually&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;a&nbsp;bounty&nbsp;out&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;ballsy<br>artist&nbsp;who&nbsp;painted&nbsp;a&nbsp;three-headed&nbsp;cat&nbsp;on<br>his&nbsp;town&nbsp;car.&nbsp;&nbsp;$150&nbsp;for&nbsp;a&nbsp;lead,&nbsp;$300&nbsp;for<br>the&nbsp;culprit.&nbsp;&nbsp;Anyone&nbsp;got&nbsp;a&nbsp;good&nbsp;speeder?<br><br>Last&nbsp;but&nbsp;not&nbsp;least,&nbsp;&nbsp;does&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;have&nbsp;a&nbsp;new<br>admirer?&nbsp;&nbsp;A&nbsp;certain&nbsp;&nbsp;Megan&nbsp;Sato&nbsp;has&nbsp;been<br>seen&nbsp;in&nbsp;and&nbsp;out&nbsp;of&nbsp;Homepage,&nbsp;and&nbsp;hoo&nbsp;boy<br>has&nbsp;she&nbsp;been&nbsp;loud.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;not&nbsp;Kip,&nbsp;I&nbsp;know&nbsp;a<br>certain&nbsp;employee&nbsp;&nbsp;who's&nbsp;not&nbsp;a&nbsp;bad&nbsp;looker<br>at&nbsp;all...&nbsp;&nbsp;Something&nbsp;&nbsp;going&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;that&nbsp;you<br>want&nbsp;to&nbsp;tell&nbsp;us,&nbsp;Cerise?

==May 24, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;get&nbsp;the<br>joy&nbsp;of&nbsp;knowing&nbsp;that&nbsp;Amanda&nbsp;Rachne's&nbsp;food<br>will&nbsp;be&nbsp;gracing&nbsp;someone&nbsp;else's&nbsp;tables.&nbsp;I<br>hope&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;&nbsp;new&nbsp;&nbsp;husband&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;strong<br>stomach!&nbsp;&nbsp;That&nbsp;&nbsp;said,&nbsp;&nbsp;Mandy,&nbsp;&nbsp;we'll&nbsp;all<br>miss&nbsp;your&nbsp;basket-weaving.&nbsp;Send&nbsp;us&nbsp;a&nbsp;note<br>from&nbsp;Colorado,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;stop&nbsp;&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;office<br>before&nbsp;you&nbsp;go.&nbsp;We'll&nbsp;keep&nbsp;in&nbsp;touch!<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;hear&nbsp;&nbsp;tell&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;specifically&nbsp;unnamed<br>magicians&nbsp;&nbsp;would&nbsp;like&nbsp;to&nbsp;start&nbsp;up&nbsp;debate<br>about&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;one&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;them&nbsp;is&nbsp;cuter&nbsp;than<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;other.&nbsp;&nbsp;See&nbsp;&nbsp;Haruki&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;Itsuki&nbsp;for<br>details,&nbsp;&nbsp;though&nbsp;given&nbsp;that&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;bad<br>things&nbsp;&nbsp;happen&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;places&nbsp;they&nbsp;plan&nbsp;<br>to&nbsp;perform,&nbsp;&nbsp;maybe&nbsp;you&nbsp;should&nbsp;wait&nbsp;until<br>after&nbsp;they&nbsp;open&nbsp;up&nbsp;their&nbsp;magical&nbsp;museum.<br><br>While&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;of&nbsp;any&nbsp;fires&nbsp;being<br>set&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;anybody's&nbsp;hearts&nbsp;this&nbsp;past&nbsp;week,<br>I'm&nbsp;sure&nbsp;glad&nbsp;the&nbsp;real&nbsp;thing&nbsp;is&nbsp;done&nbsp;and<br>gone.&nbsp;We&nbsp;here&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;Times&nbsp;would&nbsp;like&nbsp;to<br>give&nbsp;a&nbsp;great&nbsp;big&nbsp;thank&nbsp;you&nbsp;to&nbsp;all&nbsp;of&nbsp;the<br>volunteers&nbsp;and&nbsp;responders&nbsp;who&nbsp;helped&nbsp;out<br>with&nbsp;taming&nbsp;the&nbsp;wildfires&nbsp;this&nbsp;past&nbsp;week<br>out&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;west&nbsp;valley.<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;do&nbsp;know&nbsp;that&nbsp;a&nbsp;certain&nbsp;teenaged&nbsp;some-<br>one&nbsp;&nbsp;came&nbsp;by&nbsp;to&nbsp;leave&nbsp;&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;Arnold&nbsp;a&nbsp;love<br>note,&nbsp;however...<br><br>Sorry&nbsp;to&nbsp;say,&nbsp;kid&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;I&nbsp;don't&nbsp;think&nbsp;you<br>really&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;a&nbsp;chance.&nbsp;&nbsp;He's&nbsp;a&nbsp;one-woman<br>cat,&nbsp;and&nbsp;Missy&nbsp;Potts&nbsp;is&nbsp;his&nbsp;woman.


==May 31, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
<br>This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;let's&nbsp;&nbsp;all<br>take&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;minute&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;&nbsp;sappy&nbsp;here,&nbsp;and<br>think&nbsp;about&nbsp;gratitude.&nbsp;&nbsp;I,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;one,&nbsp;&nbsp;am<br>very&nbsp;grateful&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;we&nbsp;have&nbsp;so&nbsp;many&nbsp;good<br>men&nbsp;and&nbsp;women&nbsp;here&nbsp;in&nbsp;town&nbsp;willing&nbsp;to&nbsp;be<br>volunteers&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;west.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;&nbsp;town&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;a<br>little&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;emptier,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;little&nbsp;&nbsp;quieter,<br>without&nbsp;you&nbsp;all,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;with&nbsp;luck&nbsp;and&nbsp;good<br>hard&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;work,&nbsp;&nbsp;they'll&nbsp;&nbsp;track&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;that<br>bomber&nbsp;and&nbsp;give&nbsp;them&nbsp;what&nbsp;they&nbsp;deserve.<br><br>Done&nbsp;&nbsp;being&nbsp;&nbsp;sappy?&nbsp;&nbsp;Good.&nbsp;&nbsp;Now&nbsp;for&nbsp;some<br>gossip.<br><br>Now,&nbsp;&nbsp;anyone&nbsp;with&nbsp;eyes&nbsp;knows&nbsp;that&nbsp;Cerise<br>Hodgson&nbsp;is&nbsp;around&nbsp;our&nbsp;favorite&nbsp;Alexander<br>on&nbsp;a&nbsp;regular&nbsp;basis.&nbsp;Gotta&nbsp;wonder&nbsp;whether<br>he's&nbsp;starting&nbsp;to&nbsp;rub&nbsp;off&nbsp;on&nbsp;her,&nbsp;though.<br>I've&nbsp;heard&nbsp;&nbsp;from&nbsp;&nbsp;multiple&nbsp;&nbsp;sources&nbsp;that<br>she's&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;spotted&nbsp;wandering&nbsp;around&nbsp;the<br>city&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;various&nbsp;&nbsp;states&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;drunkenness<br>lately.&nbsp;&nbsp;Cerise,&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;&nbsp;it's&nbsp;man&nbsp;troubles,<br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;useless,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;I&nbsp;do&nbsp;know&nbsp;the&nbsp;name&nbsp;of<br>a&nbsp;good&nbsp;couples&nbsp;therapist...<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;women&nbsp;with&nbsp;problems,&nbsp;while&nbsp;I<br>commend&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;dedication&nbsp;to&nbsp;your&nbsp;health,<br>Franklyn,&nbsp;there&nbsp;are&nbsp;safer&nbsp;places&nbsp;for&nbsp;you<br>to&nbsp;walk&nbsp;than&nbsp;down&nbsp;the&nbsp;riverbank&nbsp;at&nbsp;night<br>around&nbsp;&nbsp;here,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;&nbsp;people<br>should&nbsp;know&nbsp;better.<br><br>Folks&nbsp;have&nbsp;been&nbsp;busy&nbsp;this&nbsp;week,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;stay<br>with&nbsp;me,&nbsp;&nbsp;here,&nbsp;readers.&nbsp;&nbsp;Gossip,&nbsp;speed-<br>run&nbsp;style!<br><br>I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;there&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;a&nbsp;gaggle&nbsp;of&nbsp;gun-<br>shots&nbsp;down&nbsp;by&nbsp;Snake&nbsp;Creek.&nbsp;Whoever's&nbsp;out<br>there,&nbsp;find&nbsp;a&nbsp;shooting&nbsp;range,&nbsp;would&nbsp;you?<br>The&nbsp;noise&nbsp;is&nbsp;getting&nbsp;old&nbsp;for&nbsp;residents.<br><br>Remember&nbsp;&nbsp;Thompson&nbsp;Meadows?&nbsp;&nbsp;Apparently,<br>one&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;Utridge&nbsp;bachelors&nbsp;was&nbsp;picked<br>up&nbsp;by&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;blonde&nbsp;seen&nbsp;going&nbsp;in&nbsp;and&nbsp;out&nbsp;of<br>Meadows'&nbsp;home.<br><br>Mr.&nbsp;Meadows&nbsp;&nbsp;himself&nbsp;seems&nbsp;to&nbsp;have&nbsp;found<br>a&nbsp;pot&nbsp;of&nbsp;luck,&nbsp;however.&nbsp;&nbsp;Word&nbsp;is&nbsp;his&nbsp;new<br>prosthetics&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;work&nbsp;of&nbsp;some&nbsp;young<br>savant&nbsp;called&nbsp;Widget.&nbsp;Could&nbsp;be&nbsp;worse.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>knew&nbsp;a&nbsp;guy&nbsp;called&nbsp;Dick&nbsp;N.&nbsp;Bhallis&nbsp;once.<br><br>The&nbsp;&nbsp;Frys&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;having&nbsp;fun&nbsp;with&nbsp;the&nbsp;prep<br>for&nbsp;the&nbsp;Pink&nbsp;Cow&nbsp;Run,&nbsp;&nbsp;meanwhile,&nbsp;though<br>I'm&nbsp;not&nbsp;sure&nbsp;how&nbsp;the&nbsp;Trojan&nbsp;Cow&nbsp;is&nbsp;going<br>to&nbsp;come&nbsp;into&nbsp;the&nbsp;action...&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;made&nbsp;my<br>obligatory&nbsp;&nbsp;inappropriate&nbsp;&nbsp;joke&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;the<br>day,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;can&nbsp;go&nbsp;ahead&nbsp;and&nbsp;imagine&nbsp;a<br>whopper&nbsp;about&nbsp;wooden&nbsp;bovines&nbsp;yourself.<br><br>I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;the&nbsp;lights&nbsp;went&nbsp;out&nbsp;down&nbsp;by&nbsp;the<br>Riverside&nbsp;&nbsp;markets&nbsp;last&nbsp;Tuesday.&nbsp;&nbsp;Darker<br>than&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;inside&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;cat,&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;that&nbsp;I<br>have&nbsp;any&nbsp;personal&nbsp;experience&nbsp;with&nbsp;the<br>inside&nbsp;of&nbsp;felines.<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of&nbsp;experience&nbsp;with<br>fossils,&nbsp;&nbsp;either,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;get&nbsp;this:&nbsp;someone<br>found&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;great&nbsp;big&nbsp;honking&nbsp;bones&nbsp;from<br>pleistocene&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;beluga&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;whales,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;all<br>things,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;fully&nbsp;&nbsp;intact&nbsp;&nbsp;mammoth<br>skeleton.&nbsp;&nbsp;Gotta&nbsp;&nbsp;say,&nbsp;my&nbsp;bet's&nbsp;on&nbsp;hoax.<br>Anyone&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;&nbsp;knows&nbsp;about&nbsp;it,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;let&nbsp;us<br>all&nbsp;know;&nbsp;inquiring&nbsp;minds,&nbsp;and&nbsp;all&nbsp;that.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;animals,&nbsp;the&nbsp;artist&nbsp;with&nbsp;the<br>three-headed&nbsp;&nbsp;cat&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;competition.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm<br>told&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;number&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;strange&nbsp;symbols&nbsp;have<br>been&nbsp;cropping&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;all&nbsp;over&nbsp;town&nbsp;on&nbsp;cars,<br>buildings,&nbsp;&nbsp;even&nbsp;pets.&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;known&nbsp;a&nbsp;few<br>perfectly&nbsp;&nbsp;reasonable&nbsp;&nbsp;Satanists&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;my<br>time,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;this&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;strange,&nbsp;&nbsp;even<br>for&nbsp;&nbsp;them.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;I&nbsp;believe<br>the&nbsp;rumors&nbsp;that&nbsp;they're&nbsp;behind&nbsp;it&nbsp;all.<br><br>Last&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;not&nbsp;least,&nbsp;&nbsp;Melinda&nbsp;Bates&nbsp;says<br>she's&nbsp;seen&nbsp;a&nbsp;strange&nbsp;&nbsp;man&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;orange<br>suit&nbsp;stumbling&nbsp;around&nbsp;town&nbsp;at&nbsp;night,&nbsp;but<br>she&nbsp;&nbsp;couldn't&nbsp;&nbsp;understand&nbsp;&nbsp;what&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;&nbsp;was<br>saying.&nbsp;&nbsp;Whatever&nbsp;it&nbsp;was,&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;sure&nbsp;liked<br>yelling&nbsp;it.

==June 7, 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;&nbsp;sounds<br>like&nbsp;we&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;a&nbsp;lost&nbsp;Alexander&nbsp;wandering<br>around&nbsp;town.&nbsp;&nbsp;No&nbsp;one&nbsp;got&nbsp;a&nbsp;name,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;if<br>you're&nbsp;reading&nbsp;&nbsp;this,&nbsp;&nbsp;kiddo,&nbsp;&nbsp;check&nbsp;out<br>the&nbsp;Stone&nbsp;&&nbsp;Crown&nbsp;Shipping&nbsp;down&nbsp;in&nbsp;FB.&nbsp;I<br>would&nbsp;advise&nbsp;learning&nbsp;some&nbsp;Spanish,&nbsp;too,<br>while&nbsp;you're&nbsp;&nbsp;at&nbsp;it.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lolo's&nbsp;swearing&nbsp;is<br>something&nbsp;to&nbsp;be&nbsp;admired.<br><br>Franklyn's&nbsp;decisions,&nbsp;however,&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;less<br>admirable.<br><br>We&nbsp;have&nbsp;people&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;three&nbsp;camps:&nbsp;&nbsp;camp&nbsp;#1<br>thinks&nbsp;she&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;down&nbsp;there&nbsp;setting&nbsp;off&nbsp;a<br>few&nbsp;&nbsp;harmless&nbsp;&nbsp;fireworks.&nbsp;&nbsp;Camp&nbsp;#2&nbsp;&nbsp;says<br>she's&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;dating&nbsp;C.B.&nbsp;too&nbsp;long&nbsp;and&nbsp;set<br>a&nbsp;few&nbsp;small&nbsp;fires&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;kicks&nbsp;and&nbsp;giggles<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;pure&nbsp;cussed&nbsp;joy&nbsp;of&nbsp;it.&nbsp;&nbsp;Camp&nbsp;#3<br>is&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;personal&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;favorite:&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;&nbsp;pet<br>hamster&nbsp;died&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;noble&nbsp;death,&nbsp;and&nbsp;she&nbsp;was<br>there&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;give&nbsp;it&nbsp;a&nbsp;Viking&nbsp;funeral&nbsp;upon<br>the&nbsp;water.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;water,&nbsp;the&nbsp;Pink&nbsp;Cow&nbsp;Run&nbsp;went<br>off&nbsp;swimmingly&nbsp;--&nbsp;literally,&nbsp;in&nbsp;some<br>cases.<br><br>I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;Avalon&nbsp;Lefevre&nbsp;dunked&nbsp;Jimmy&nbsp;Fry<br>into&nbsp;the&nbsp;water&nbsp;tank&nbsp;with&nbsp;one&nbsp;throw,&nbsp;that<br>cutey&nbsp;&nbsp;Maggie&nbsp;Locklear&nbsp;&nbsp;pinking&nbsp;&nbsp;him&nbsp;&nbsp;up<br>right&nbsp;afterward.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;&nbsp;ladies&nbsp;&nbsp;pinked&nbsp;up<br>more&nbsp;than&nbsp;Jimmy,&nbsp;&nbsp;too,&nbsp;&nbsp;from&nbsp;all&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear.<br>Albert,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;may&nbsp;have&nbsp;some&nbsp;&nbsp;competition<br>for&nbsp;good&nbsp;arms...&nbsp;Maybe&nbsp;you&nbsp;should&nbsp;take&nbsp;a<br>few&nbsp;pitching&nbsp;lessons&nbsp;from&nbsp;them.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;don't<br>know&nbsp;about&nbsp;you,&nbsp;but&nbsp;breaking&nbsp;your&nbsp;mama's<br>kitchen&nbsp;window,&nbsp;&nbsp;twice,&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;one&nbsp;week,&nbsp;is<br>something&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;want&nbsp;to&nbsp;learn&nbsp;how&nbsp;to&nbsp;stop.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;Frys,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;tell&nbsp;that&nbsp;Jack<br>fellow&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;mighty&nbsp;&nbsp;fine&nbsp;chest,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;<br>don't&nbsp;get&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;hopes&nbsp;up,&nbsp;ladies;&nbsp;Gladys<br>was&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;walking&nbsp;&nbsp;those&nbsp;&nbsp;mops&nbsp;&nbsp;she&nbsp;calls<br>dogs&nbsp;&nbsp;bright&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;early,&nbsp;and&nbsp;spotted&nbsp;him<br>at&nbsp;Dr.&nbsp;Gallagher's&nbsp;cabin.&nbsp;&nbsp;Now,&nbsp;&nbsp;THAT&nbsp;is<br>a&nbsp;form&nbsp;of&nbsp;anthropology&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;&nbsp;mind<br>studying...<br><br>I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;was&nbsp;doing&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;of&nbsp;'studying'<br>himself&nbsp;&nbsp;recently&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;that&nbsp;Zillah&nbsp;from<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;shop&nbsp;&nbsp;next&nbsp;door.&nbsp;&nbsp;Despite&nbsp;claims&nbsp;to<br>the&nbsp;contrary,&nbsp;I've&nbsp;met&nbsp;the&nbsp;guy,&nbsp;and&nbsp;it's<br>my&nbsp;not&nbsp;inconsiderable&nbsp;opinion&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;he's<br>way&nbsp;&nbsp;too&nbsp;&nbsp;much&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;marshmallow&nbsp;to&nbsp;hurt<br>his&nbsp;darling&nbsp;Mina.<br><br>Then&nbsp;again,&nbsp;if&nbsp;they&nbsp;broke&nbsp;up...<br><br>Inquiring&nbsp;minds&nbsp;want&nbsp;to&nbsp;know,&nbsp;Kip.&nbsp;How's<br>your&nbsp;love&nbsp;life?&nbsp;&nbsp;Still&nbsp;in&nbsp;love?

==June 14, 2018==
<br>
Enid Schmitt is not having a good year.  She was in the hospital this past week after someone tried to kidnap her.  

Elsewhere in the paper, it is explained that the assailants are unknown, but they were wearing dark suits, and police are investigating the incident.

==June 21, 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;those<br>of&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;missed&nbsp;&nbsp;me&nbsp;last&nbsp;week,&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;<br>gotta&nbsp;say,&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;getting&nbsp;kidnapped&nbsp;thing&nbsp;<br>is&nbsp;seriously&nbsp;getting&nbsp;old.<br><br>Folks,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;am&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;newspaper&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;gossip&nbsp;<br>columnist,&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;an&nbsp;&nbsp;evil&nbsp;&nbsp;minion&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;<br>destroy&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;world&nbsp;of&nbsp;humankind.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;you&nbsp;<br>think&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;have&nbsp;money&nbsp;&nbsp;worth&nbsp;&nbsp;taking,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;<br>should&nbsp;talk&nbsp;to&nbsp;my&nbsp;boss.&nbsp;<br><br>No,&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;police&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;it&nbsp;was&nbsp;<br>yet.&nbsp;&nbsp;Yes,&nbsp;&nbsp;they're&nbsp;&nbsp;working&nbsp;on&nbsp;it.&nbsp;Yes,&nbsp;<br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;mightily&nbsp;&nbsp;peeved,&nbsp;and&nbsp;don't&nbsp;come&nbsp;in&nbsp;<br>wearing&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;black&nbsp;&nbsp;suit&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;shiny&nbsp;black&nbsp;<br>shoes&nbsp;&nbsp;any&nbsp;time&nbsp;soon,&nbsp;or&nbsp;I&nbsp;may&nbsp;mace&nbsp;you.<br>The&nbsp;&nbsp;knock-out&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;gas&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;tie-pin&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;<br>unexpected&nbsp;touch,&nbsp;and&nbsp;very&nbsp;James&nbsp;Bond&nbsp;of&nbsp;<br>them.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;&nbsp;rather&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;&nbsp;stepped&nbsp;on&nbsp;by&nbsp;a&nbsp;<br>cow&nbsp;again,&nbsp;all&nbsp;things&nbsp;considered.<br><br>Enough&nbsp;with&nbsp;that!&nbsp;&nbsp;On&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;fun&nbsp;stuff.<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;hear&nbsp;Ben&nbsp;Utridge&nbsp;is&nbsp;going&nbsp;back&nbsp;to&nbsp;his<br>old&nbsp;playboy&nbsp;ways&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;there&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;Red<br>Clover&nbsp;&nbsp;Hotel.&nbsp;&nbsp;Clandestine&nbsp;&nbsp;engagements<br>with&nbsp;people&nbsp;my&nbsp;source&nbsp;says&nbsp;were&nbsp;hotties,<br>and&nbsp;last&nbsp;&nbsp;week&nbsp;he&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;&nbsp;even&nbsp;&nbsp;sporting&nbsp;a<br>great&nbsp;big&nbsp;hickey,&nbsp;too.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;mind&nbsp;a&nbsp;hickey&nbsp;from&nbsp;something<br>other&nbsp;&nbsp;than&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;facemask&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;hospital.<br>Any&nbsp;volunteers?

==June 28, 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;to<br>explore&nbsp;the&nbsp;wide,&nbsp;wild&nbsp;world&nbsp;of&nbsp;Haruki's<br>underwear&nbsp;choices.<br><br>Somehow,&nbsp;I&nbsp;believe&nbsp;he&nbsp;had&nbsp;help&nbsp;with&nbsp;this<br>particular&nbsp;escapade,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I've&nbsp;had&nbsp;half&nbsp;a<br>dozen&nbsp;&nbsp;reports&nbsp;from&nbsp;ladies&nbsp;all&nbsp;over&nbsp;town<br>that&nbsp;if&nbsp;even&nbsp;a&nbsp;quarter&nbsp;of&nbsp;those&nbsp;garments<br>are&nbsp;actually&nbsp;his,&nbsp;&nbsp;they'd&nbsp;like&nbsp;to&nbsp;have&nbsp;a<br>nice,&nbsp;&nbsp;very&nbsp;private,&nbsp;chat&nbsp;with&nbsp;him&nbsp;about<br>his&nbsp;brand&nbsp;choices.&nbsp;&nbsp;And&nbsp;advice.<br><br>On&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;subject&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;different&nbsp;sort&nbsp;of<br>fireworks,&nbsp;we're&nbsp;coming&nbsp;up&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;Fourth<br>of&nbsp;July&nbsp;here,&nbsp;folks,&nbsp;and&nbsp;the&nbsp;parade&nbsp;this<br>weekend&nbsp;is&nbsp;expected&nbsp;to&nbsp;bring&nbsp;in&nbsp;a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of<br>out-of-towners.&nbsp;&nbsp;Who&nbsp;&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;&nbsp;want&nbsp;&nbsp;to<br>dunk&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;Mayor&nbsp;into&nbsp;a&nbsp;vat&nbsp;of&nbsp;strawberry,<br>clear&nbsp;and&nbsp;blue&nbsp;raspberry&nbsp;Jell-O&nbsp;cubes?<br><br>Sorry,&nbsp;Jack.&nbsp;&nbsp;Count&nbsp;me&nbsp;in.&nbsp;&nbsp;Dolores&nbsp;&nbsp;has<br>had&nbsp;my&nbsp;$5&nbsp;for&nbsp;two&nbsp;weeks&nbsp;now.<br><br>Anyone&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;mind&nbsp;for&nbsp;fireworks&nbsp;can&nbsp;find<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;nice&nbsp;perch&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;cliff&nbsp;to&nbsp;watch&nbsp;Fort<br>Brunsett's&nbsp;&nbsp;display&nbsp;out&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;lake.&nbsp;Our<br>own&nbsp;is&nbsp;a&nbsp;little&nbsp;dinky&nbsp;in&nbsp;comparison,&nbsp;but<br>we're&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;dinky&nbsp;little&nbsp;town.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;&nbsp;Miller<br>boys&nbsp;have&nbsp;done&nbsp;us&nbsp;proud&nbsp;this&nbsp;past&nbsp;month,<br>getting&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;the&nbsp;roads&nbsp;smoothed&nbsp;out,&nbsp;&nbsp;so<br>kudos&nbsp;to&nbsp;them.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>There's&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;something&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;man&nbsp;<br>without&nbsp;a&nbsp;shirt&nbsp;handling&nbsp;heavy&nbsp;machinery<br>to&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;your&nbsp;&nbsp;engine&nbsp;&nbsp;revving...&nbsp;&nbsp;Louise<br>MacFarlan&nbsp;&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;anything&nbsp;about<br>that,&nbsp;&nbsp;now,&nbsp;would&nbsp;she?&nbsp;&nbsp;Cute&nbsp;skirt,&nbsp;Lou.<br>Maybe&nbsp;next&nbsp;time&nbsp;&nbsp;keep&nbsp;it&nbsp;on&nbsp;a&nbsp;little&nbsp;bit<br>longer.&nbsp;&nbsp;Granny&nbsp;Miller's&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;have&nbsp;a<br>heart&nbsp;&nbsp;attack&nbsp;before&nbsp;the&nbsp;wedding&nbsp;at&nbsp;this<br>rate.<br><br>Congratulations,&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;way.

==July 5, 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;is&nbsp;with<br>great&nbsp;&nbsp;pleasure&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;heard&nbsp;a&nbsp;little<br>birdy&nbsp;say&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip's&nbsp;not&nbsp;&nbsp;done&nbsp;with&nbsp;his&nbsp;wild<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;questionably&nbsp;&nbsp;romantic&nbsp;&nbsp;shenanigans<br>just&nbsp;yet,&nbsp;engagement&nbsp;or&nbsp;no.&nbsp;&nbsp;Someone&nbsp;saw<br>Mina&nbsp;&nbsp;running&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;back&nbsp;room&nbsp;in<br>teensy&nbsp;&nbsp;tiny&nbsp;&nbsp;shorts&nbsp;&nbsp;(great&nbsp;gams,&nbsp;girl)<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;tiny&nbsp;tank&nbsp;&nbsp;top&nbsp;which&nbsp;looked&nbsp;slept<br>in.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Kip,&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;got&nbsp;to&nbsp;ask:&nbsp;did&nbsp;she&nbsp;doggy-ear<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;page&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;bed?&nbsp;&nbsp;Is&nbsp;that&nbsp;why&nbsp;you&nbsp;kicked<br>her&nbsp;out?&nbsp;&nbsp;Ladies&nbsp;around&nbsp;&nbsp;town&nbsp;are&nbsp;saying<br>you've&nbsp;taken&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;foxy&nbsp;ladies'&nbsp;man&nbsp;aura<br>to&nbsp;heart,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;better&nbsp;&nbsp;than&nbsp;to<br>trust&nbsp;that&nbsp;adorkably&nbsp;bumbling&nbsp;facade.<br><br>Your&nbsp;&nbsp;secret&nbsp;&nbsp;admirer,&nbsp;&nbsp;however,&nbsp;&nbsp;really<br>should&nbsp;get&nbsp;a&nbsp;new&nbsp;hobby.&nbsp;&nbsp;Why,&nbsp;Mary&nbsp;Page,<br>poor&nbsp;dear,&nbsp;just&nbsp;bought&nbsp;a&nbsp;book&nbsp;on&nbsp;crochet<br>at&nbsp;Homepage,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;now&nbsp;she's&nbsp;cleaning&nbsp;off<br>all&nbsp;&nbsp;forty-seven&nbsp;&nbsp;copies&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip's&nbsp;name<br>from&nbsp;where&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;was&nbsp;painted&nbsp;on&nbsp;her&nbsp;house.<br>Laney&nbsp;Boggs,&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;neighbor,&nbsp;&nbsp;said&nbsp;it&nbsp;was<br>blood,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;sure,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;like&nbsp;to&nbsp;know<br>how&nbsp;she&nbsp;got&nbsp;close&nbsp;enough&nbsp;to&nbsp;check,&nbsp;&nbsp;when<br>she&nbsp;can't&nbsp;&nbsp;even&nbsp;handle&nbsp;a&nbsp;paper&nbsp;cut&nbsp;with-<br>out&nbsp;fainting.&nbsp;Really,&nbsp;Laney.<br><br>Charles&nbsp;du&nbsp;Bois&nbsp;knows&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;about&nbsp;faints<br>himself,&nbsp;after&nbsp;yesterday's&nbsp;parade.&nbsp;&nbsp;Now,<br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;it's&nbsp;a&nbsp;teacher's&nbsp;job&nbsp;to&nbsp;educate<br>his&nbsp;students,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;a&nbsp;real&nbsp;life&nbsp;lesson&nbsp;on<br>staying&nbsp;&nbsp;hydrated&nbsp;&nbsp;while&nbsp;marching&nbsp;in&nbsp;hot<br>wool&nbsp;&nbsp;uniforms&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;probably&nbsp;not&nbsp;high&nbsp;on<br>the&nbsp;curriculum's&nbsp;alternate&nbsp;lesson&nbsp;list.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;inappropriate&nbsp;clothing,&nbsp;I've<br>had&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;few&nbsp;reports&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;recently-arrived<br>African&nbsp;&nbsp;fellow&nbsp;&nbsp;dancing&nbsp;his&nbsp;way&nbsp;through<br>town&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;sundress&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;loud&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;his<br>rendition&nbsp;of&nbsp;"Girls&nbsp;Just&nbsp;Wanna&nbsp;Have&nbsp;Fun"<br>this&nbsp;past&nbsp;week.&nbsp;&nbsp;Prank&nbsp;or&nbsp;lost&nbsp;bet?&nbsp;&nbsp;Meg<br>from&nbsp;the&nbsp;corner&nbsp;store&nbsp;says&nbsp;his&nbsp;legs&nbsp;were<br>something&nbsp;to&nbsp;be&nbsp;admired,&nbsp;however...<br><br>Also&nbsp;to&nbsp;be&nbsp;admired,&nbsp;and&nbsp;possibly&nbsp;feared,<br>I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;some&nbsp;&nbsp;sort&nbsp;of&nbsp;big&nbsp;cat&nbsp;was&nbsp;heard<br>roaring&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;along&nbsp;&nbsp;Lake&nbsp;Brunsett&nbsp;&nbsp;this<br>past&nbsp;Monday.&nbsp;I&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;heard&nbsp;whether&nbsp;the<br>cat's&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;found,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;be&nbsp;wary&nbsp;of&nbsp;a<br>nice&nbsp;hike&nbsp;through&nbsp;the&nbsp;woods,&nbsp;myself.<br><br>Someone&nbsp;else&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;growling,&nbsp;&nbsp;lately,<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;it's&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;matter&nbsp;of&nbsp;some&nbsp;speculation<br>whether&nbsp;&nbsp;Weaver&nbsp;Utridge&nbsp;jumped&nbsp;the&nbsp;broom<br>a&nbsp;mite&nbsp;too&nbsp;quickly.&nbsp;&nbsp;Newly&nbsp;wed&nbsp;to&nbsp;Velvet<br>Danvers,&nbsp;&nbsp;several&nbsp;&nbsp;ladies&nbsp;have&nbsp;mentioned<br>that&nbsp;the&nbsp;man&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;a&nbsp;miserable&nbsp;grouch<br>the&nbsp;last&nbsp;few&nbsp;days.&nbsp;&nbsp;Trouble&nbsp;in&nbsp;paradise?<br><br>Those&nbsp;&nbsp;Utridges&nbsp;&nbsp;aren't&nbsp;&nbsp;having&nbsp;a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of<br>luck&nbsp;lately,&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;seems,&nbsp;because&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;of<br>digging&nbsp;&nbsp;here&nbsp;and&nbsp;there&nbsp;informed&nbsp;me&nbsp;that<br>none&nbsp;&nbsp;other&nbsp;&nbsp;than&nbsp;Olivia&nbsp;Utridge&nbsp;herself<br>held&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;impromptu&nbsp;&nbsp;concert&nbsp;&nbsp;at&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;the<br>children's&nbsp;&nbsp;wing&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;Riverside&nbsp;Hospital<br>last&nbsp;month,&nbsp;and&nbsp;got&nbsp;pranked&nbsp;by&nbsp;a&nbsp;fire&nbsp;in<br>the&nbsp;stairwell.<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;&nbsp;heard&nbsp;&nbsp;any&nbsp;tales&nbsp;of&nbsp;ravenous<br>fanboys&nbsp;&nbsp;tearing&nbsp;&nbsp;perpetrators&nbsp;limb&nbsp;from<br>limb&nbsp;yet&nbsp;over&nbsp;the&nbsp;internet,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;sure<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;fan&nbsp;&nbsp;rage&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;&nbsp;waiting&nbsp;in&nbsp;the<br>wings.

==July 12, 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>

Enid is on vacation! I'm darn well not writing her column for her.  You people know I'll forget half of it and tangle up the rest. Don't know how that woman keeps it straight.  Mind like a gosh darned steel trap bred with Spiderman.

The Editor

==July 19, 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;return<br>from&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;much-deserved&nbsp;vacation&nbsp;to&nbsp;sandy,<br>sunny&nbsp;beaches&nbsp;and&nbsp;am&nbsp;back&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;bring&nbsp;only<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;very&nbsp;&nbsp;best&nbsp;gossip&nbsp;to&nbsp;you,&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;rabid<br>readers.<br><br>Firstly,&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;two&nbsp;&nbsp;little&nbsp;birdies<br>saying&nbsp;miss&nbsp;Franklyn&nbsp;Garreau&nbsp;won&nbsp;the&nbsp;top<br>prize&nbsp;at&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;kite&nbsp;&nbsp;flying&nbsp;competition,<br>beating&nbsp;out&nbsp;that&nbsp;incredibly&nbsp;enthusiastic<br>youngster.&nbsp;Wedgie's&nbsp;the&nbsp;name&nbsp;I&nbsp;was&nbsp;given<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;sincerely&nbsp;&nbsp;doubt&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;an<br>accurate&nbsp;report,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;miss&nbsp;Wedgie,&nbsp;please<br>do&nbsp;&nbsp;let&nbsp;&nbsp;us&nbsp;&nbsp;know.&nbsp;&nbsp;Also,&nbsp;&nbsp;take&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;bath.<br>Cleanliness&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;next&nbsp;to&nbsp;godliness,&nbsp;as&nbsp;my<br>sainted&nbsp;mother&nbsp;used&nbsp;to&nbsp;say.<br><br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;a&nbsp;local&nbsp;got&nbsp;bitten&nbsp;by,&nbsp;and&nbsp;I'm<br>not&nbsp;kidding&nbsp;here,&nbsp;this&nbsp;is&nbsp;what&nbsp;is&nbsp;on&nbsp;the<br>list:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;rabid&nbsp;raccoon,&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;dog,&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;blue<br>otter,&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;flying&nbsp;rat,&nbsp;&nbsp;or&nbsp;a&nbsp;lemur&nbsp;of&nbsp;all<br>things.&nbsp;&nbsp;Serves&nbsp;&nbsp;him&nbsp;&nbsp;right,&nbsp;&nbsp;trying&nbsp;&nbsp;to<br>steal&nbsp;from&nbsp;stalls&nbsp;as&nbsp;he&nbsp;was.&nbsp;Also,&nbsp;&nbsp;I've<br>got&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;find&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;what&nbsp;those&nbsp;reporters<br>were&nbsp;&nbsp;smoking,&nbsp;&nbsp;because&nbsp;&nbsp;they&nbsp;sound&nbsp;like<br>they're&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;high&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;Ms.&nbsp;Garreau&nbsp;has&nbsp;to<br>be,&nbsp;&nbsp;walking&nbsp;&nbsp;into&nbsp;rivers&nbsp;and&nbsp;dark&nbsp;woods<br>at&nbsp;all&nbsp;hours.&nbsp;&nbsp;Again.<br><br>Illegal&nbsp;&nbsp;fireworks&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;safer,&nbsp;&nbsp;kid.&nbsp;&nbsp;Go<br>back&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;your&nbsp;&nbsp;kites&nbsp;and&nbsp;leave&nbsp;the&nbsp;river<br>to&nbsp;the&nbsp;river.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;issues,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;have&nbsp;some&nbsp;rather<br>nasty&nbsp;&nbsp;rumours&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;Ms.&nbsp;Olivia&nbsp;Utridge<br>floating&nbsp;&nbsp;around,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;nothing's&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;been<br>substantiated.&nbsp;&nbsp;Glad&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;hear&nbsp;she's&nbsp;been<br>found,&nbsp;though.&nbsp;&nbsp;We&nbsp;darn&nbsp;well&nbsp;have&nbsp;enough<br>lost&nbsp;around&nbsp;here&nbsp;for&nbsp;my&nbsp;tastes&nbsp;already.<br><br>I&nbsp;sure&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;mind&nbsp;a&nbsp;good&nbsp;rabbit&nbsp;stew,<br>however,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;get&nbsp;started&nbsp;on<br>me&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;liking&nbsp;&nbsp;meat,&nbsp;&nbsp;Haruki.&nbsp;&nbsp;Being&nbsp;a<br>carnivore's&nbsp;no&nbsp;sin.&nbsp;&nbsp;Supposedly,&nbsp;a&nbsp;great<br>big&nbsp;&nbsp;fluffle&nbsp;of&nbsp;rabbits&nbsp;was&nbsp;seen&nbsp;running<br>around&nbsp;&nbsp;like&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;&nbsp;weird&nbsp;flock&nbsp;of&nbsp;birds<br>down&nbsp;near&nbsp;the&nbsp;lake&nbsp;in&nbsp;Fort&nbsp;Brunsett,&nbsp;but<br>I've&nbsp;gotta&nbsp;say,&nbsp;the&nbsp;alpaca&nbsp;farm&nbsp;takes&nbsp;my<br>personal&nbsp;cake.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;eyes.&nbsp;&nbsp;How&nbsp;&nbsp;can&nbsp;&nbsp;you<br>not&nbsp;melt?<br><br>Haven't&nbsp;heard&nbsp;the&nbsp;person's&nbsp;name,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I'm<br>told&nbsp;the&nbsp;'pacas&nbsp;are&nbsp;all&nbsp;named&nbsp;after&nbsp;some<br>kind&nbsp;of&nbsp;dinosaur.<br><br>Benny&nbsp;and&nbsp;Hal&nbsp;&nbsp;say&nbsp;they've&nbsp;been&nbsp;spotting<br>odd&nbsp;&nbsp;little&nbsp;&nbsp;things&nbsp;&nbsp;carved&nbsp;around&nbsp;town,<br>speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;weird.&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;&nbsp;seen&nbsp;a&nbsp;few&nbsp;my-<br>self,&nbsp;and&nbsp;I&nbsp;don't&nbsp;know..&nbsp;.&nbsp;The&nbsp;one&nbsp;I&nbsp;saw<br>looked&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;little&nbsp;like&nbsp;some&nbsp;sort&nbsp;of&nbsp;wing-<br>less&nbsp;dragon.&nbsp;&nbsp;This&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;latest&nbsp;D&D&nbsp;craze<br>going&nbsp;through&nbsp;nerddom?<br><br>Not&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;&nbsp;sure&nbsp;about&nbsp;Jimmy&nbsp;Pepper&nbsp;and&nbsp;his<br>pigs,&nbsp;though.&nbsp;Jimmy&nbsp;runs&nbsp;Sweet&nbsp;Hog&nbsp;Farms<br>and&nbsp;let&nbsp;me&nbsp;tell&nbsp;you,&nbsp;his&nbsp;pigs&nbsp;are&nbsp;every-<br>thing&nbsp;he&nbsp;says&nbsp;they&nbsp;are.<br><br>In&nbsp;this&nbsp;case,&nbsp;&nbsp;slaughtered,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;by<br>him...&nbsp;&nbsp;As&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;it,&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;woke&nbsp;up&nbsp;in<br>the&nbsp;morning&nbsp;and&nbsp;went&nbsp;out&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;the&nbsp;feed<br>going,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;found&nbsp;their&nbsp;throats&nbsp;slit&nbsp;and<br>blood&nbsp;drained.&nbsp;&nbsp;Now,&nbsp;this&nbsp;being&nbsp;where&nbsp;we<br>are,&nbsp;I&nbsp;do&nbsp;have&nbsp;a&nbsp;calendar&nbsp;which&nbsp;mentions<br>a&nbsp;blood&nbsp;moon...&nbsp;Still,&nbsp;&nbsp;you'd&nbsp;&nbsp;think&nbsp;the<br>witches&nbsp;would&nbsp;at&nbsp;least&nbsp;leave&nbsp;cash&nbsp;to&nbsp;pay<br>for&nbsp;the&nbsp;lost&nbsp;pigs.<br><br>Last&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;least,&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;had&nbsp;a&nbsp;source<br>share&nbsp;some&nbsp;photos&nbsp;with&nbsp;me,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;Kip,&nbsp;she<br>is&nbsp;a&nbsp;beauty.&nbsp;&nbsp;A&nbsp;&nbsp;little&nbsp;rough&nbsp;around&nbsp;the<br>edges,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;darn,&nbsp;&nbsp;boy,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;someone&nbsp;so<br>Kippish,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;sure&nbsp;do&nbsp;make&nbsp;a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of&nbsp;lady<br>friends.&nbsp;&nbsp;Who's&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;mystery&nbsp;&nbsp;red-head,<br>too?&nbsp;&nbsp;Short&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;stacked,&nbsp;&nbsp;that's&nbsp;&nbsp;for<br>sure.&nbsp;&nbsp;These&nbsp;relatives&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;your&nbsp;Mina?&nbsp;If<br>so,&nbsp;can&nbsp;you&nbsp;convince&nbsp;them&nbsp;to&nbsp;move&nbsp;here?<br><br>Your&nbsp;&nbsp;admirer's&nbsp;&nbsp;gone&nbsp;to&nbsp;work&nbsp;again,&nbsp;&nbsp;so<br>you'd&nbsp;better&nbsp;work&nbsp;fast.&nbsp;What&nbsp;do&nbsp;you&nbsp;know<br>about&nbsp;a&nbsp;broad&nbsp;named&nbsp;Jessica?&nbsp;The&nbsp;way&nbsp;I'm<br>told&nbsp;it,&nbsp;&nbsp;'Kip'&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;painted&nbsp;several<br>times&nbsp;&nbsp;along&nbsp;the&nbsp;Samsson&nbsp;building&nbsp;in&nbsp;the<br>same&nbsp;&nbsp;bright&nbsp;&nbsp;crimson&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;before,&nbsp;&nbsp;along<br>with&nbsp;a&nbsp;great&nbsp;honking&nbsp;heart&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;middle<br>saying&nbsp;&nbsp;'Kip&nbsp;x&nbsp;Jessica!!!'&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;it.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;I<br>were&nbsp;you,&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;sic&nbsp;the&nbsp;fiancee&nbsp;on&nbsp;her.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>sure&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;want&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;on&nbsp;Mina's&nbsp;bad<br>side.&nbsp;&nbsp;You&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;how&nbsp;strong&nbsp;those&nbsp;ballet<br>exercises&nbsp;make&nbsp;those&nbsp;legs?

==July 26, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>

Enid's colleagues would like to say what a splendid woman she is.  They also have no intention of writing her column for her while she is out sick.

Here. Have a picture of a kitten with a baby bunny.

The Writers

==August 2, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>

Enid's colleagues have discovered a secret stash of actual coffee hidden in Enid's technically unlocked and colleague-accessible file cabinet behind the old floppy disks and CDs.

Thank you, Enid, for your generous contribution to office happiness.

The Writers

==August 9, 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>

Enid's colleagues would like you all to know that she is back from the hospital and recovering Enidly.  The nurses and doctors may never be the same.

Neither will her colleagues' stomachs.  How does she EAT all of that cinnamon?

The Writers

==August 16, 2018==
<br>
<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>

Enid's colleagues have pooled their resources and replaced the pilfered coffee and bonbons with more appropriate substitutes.  They are sure Enid will appreciate their efforts at supporting her habits.

Everyone has addictions, Enid.  Cinnamon is yours.  We'll help you manage it. Just give us the chocolate part of the bonbon and you keep the middle.

The Writers

==August 23, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;return<br>again,&nbsp;albeit&nbsp;not&nbsp;from&nbsp;sandy&nbsp;beaches.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>don't&nbsp;suggest&nbsp;surgery&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;an&nbsp;alternative<br>to&nbsp;sunshine&nbsp;and&nbsp;cute&nbsp;boys&nbsp;in&nbsp;tiny&nbsp;suits,<br>folks.<br><br>On&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;bright&nbsp;side,&nbsp;a&nbsp;liquid&nbsp;diet&nbsp;does<br>wonders&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;waistline.&nbsp;&nbsp;Pity&nbsp;bikini<br>season's&nbsp;almost&nbsp;over.&nbsp;<br><br>Yes,&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;fine.&nbsp;&nbsp;Yes,&nbsp;I&nbsp;am&nbsp;immensely&nbsp;dis-<br>appointed&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;&nbsp;colleagues&nbsp;couldn't<br>soldier&nbsp;on&nbsp;without&nbsp;me&nbsp;and&nbsp;get&nbsp;you&nbsp;all&nbsp;of<br>your&nbsp;&nbsp;delectable&nbsp;&nbsp;gossip&nbsp;&nbsp;fixes&nbsp;on&nbsp;their<br>lonesome,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;just&nbsp;means&nbsp;I&nbsp;get&nbsp;to<br>have&nbsp;the&nbsp;fun&nbsp;myself.<br><br>Now,&nbsp;this&nbsp;is&nbsp;old&nbsp;news&nbsp;at&nbsp;this&nbsp;point,&nbsp;but<br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;someone&nbsp;Kool-Aid&nbsp;manned<br>their&nbsp;&nbsp;way&nbsp;into&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;home&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;Velvet&nbsp;and<br>Weaver&nbsp;Utridge&nbsp;&nbsp;back&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;beginning&nbsp;of<br>the&nbsp;month,&nbsp;and&nbsp;something&nbsp;something&nbsp;about<br>possible&nbsp;&nbsp;acquisition&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;lake&nbsp;monsters.<br>Is&nbsp;&nbsp;Lake&nbsp;Brunsett&nbsp;trying&nbsp;to&nbsp;compete&nbsp;with<br>Champlain?&nbsp;&nbsp;What'll&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;&nbsp;call&nbsp;it?&nbsp;&nbsp;Champ<br>has&nbsp;a&nbsp;degree&nbsp;of&nbsp;charm&nbsp;to&nbsp;it,&nbsp;but&nbsp;Brun&nbsp;is<br>a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;too&nbsp;Viking,&nbsp;and&nbsp;Sett&nbsp;sounds&nbsp;like&nbsp;a<br>puppy&nbsp;or&nbsp;a&nbsp;desert&nbsp;god,&nbsp;depending.<br><br>Pity&nbsp;Brun/Sett&nbsp;wasn't&nbsp;around&nbsp;to&nbsp;help&nbsp;the<br>local&nbsp;authorities&nbsp;clean&nbsp;up&nbsp;the&nbsp;mess&nbsp;made<br>by&nbsp;&nbsp;one&nbsp;Miss&nbsp;Franklyn&nbsp;Garreau&nbsp;back&nbsp;then,<br>too.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;someone&nbsp;&nbsp;pulled&nbsp;up&nbsp;<br>another&nbsp;sculpture&nbsp;instead&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;fish&nbsp;just<br>this&nbsp;week.&nbsp;&nbsp;Franklyn,&nbsp;girl,&nbsp;get&nbsp;help.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>know&nbsp;your&nbsp;family&nbsp;can&nbsp;pay&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;litter-<br>ing&nbsp;fines,&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;that's&nbsp;&nbsp;no&nbsp;&nbsp;reason&nbsp;to&nbsp;go<br>dumping&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;crud&nbsp;into&nbsp;the&nbsp;river.<br>Thankfully,&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;&nbsp;even&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;can&nbsp;shove&nbsp;a&nbsp;<br>piano&nbsp;out&nbsp;a&nbsp;window&nbsp;by&nbsp;willpower&nbsp;alone.<br><br>In&nbsp;more&nbsp;recent&nbsp;news,&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;that&nbsp;Tommy<br>Haffleck&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;got&nbsp;himself&nbsp;&nbsp;into&nbsp;the&nbsp;big<br>leagues.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;didn't&nbsp;even&nbsp;know&nbsp;there&nbsp;was&nbsp;a<br>category&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;longest&nbsp;&nbsp;paper&nbsp;airplane<br>flight&nbsp;&nbsp;flung&nbsp;&nbsp;by&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;waterfall&nbsp;off&nbsp;of&nbsp;a<br>cliff&nbsp;of&nbsp;two&nbsp;hundred&nbsp;feet&nbsp;or&nbsp;more&nbsp;over&nbsp;a<br>body&nbsp;of&nbsp;water&nbsp;of&nbsp;'significant&nbsp;size'...<br><br>Kudos,&nbsp;Tommy.&nbsp;&nbsp;Now&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;you're&nbsp;a&nbsp;record<br>holder,&nbsp;don't&nbsp;go&nbsp;resting&nbsp;on&nbsp;your&nbsp;laurels<br>and&nbsp;poop&nbsp;out&nbsp;on&nbsp;us,&nbsp;kid.&nbsp;Put&nbsp;this&nbsp;little<br>town&nbsp;back&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;map.&nbsp;You&nbsp;should&nbsp;probab-<br>ly&nbsp;graduate&nbsp;high&nbsp;school&nbsp;first,&nbsp;though.<br><br>Last&nbsp;but&nbsp;not&nbsp;least&nbsp;for&nbsp;this&nbsp;week,&nbsp;I&nbsp;have<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;pleasure&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;introducing&nbsp;you&nbsp;all&nbsp;to&nbsp;<br>Erica&nbsp;Miller,&nbsp;&nbsp;our&nbsp;&nbsp;latest&nbsp;&nbsp;staff&nbsp;photo-<br>grapher.&nbsp;&nbsp;Recently&nbsp;returned&nbsp;from&nbsp;a&nbsp;phase<br>as&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;Boston&nbsp;&nbsp;transplant,&nbsp;&nbsp;she&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;back<br>where&nbsp;she&nbsp;belongs:&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;land&nbsp;of&nbsp;weirdo<br>hair&nbsp;&nbsp;colors&nbsp;&nbsp;supposed&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;be&nbsp;unknown&nbsp;to<br>man&nbsp;or&nbsp;woman.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'll&nbsp;be&nbsp;dye&nbsp;buddies,&nbsp;&nbsp;but<br>don't&nbsp;expect&nbsp;to&nbsp;see&nbsp;me&nbsp;running&nbsp;with&nbsp;her.<br>I&nbsp;maintain&nbsp;a&nbsp;strictly&nbsp;horizontal&nbsp;version<br>of&nbsp;jogging.&nbsp;&nbsp;It's&nbsp;&nbsp;called&nbsp;typing&nbsp;in&nbsp;bed,<br>preferably&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;cinnamon&nbsp;bonbon&nbsp;or&nbsp;two<br>nearby.

==August 30, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;we've&nbsp;all<br>had&nbsp;&nbsp;time&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;appreciate&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;rash&nbsp;&nbsp;of<br>unseasonably&nbsp;warm&nbsp;weather&nbsp;lately.&nbsp;&nbsp;Guess<br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;bring&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;that&nbsp;bikini&nbsp;after<br>all!<br><br>A&nbsp;&nbsp;certain&nbsp;&nbsp;polka-dotted&nbsp;&nbsp;someone&nbsp;by&nbsp;the<br>riverbank&nbsp;should&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;thought&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;twice<br>about&nbsp;&nbsp;bringing&nbsp;out&nbsp;HER&nbsp;bikini,&nbsp;however.<br>See,&nbsp;&nbsp;little&nbsp;&nbsp;teeny&nbsp;strings&nbsp;don't&nbsp;do&nbsp;all<br>that&nbsp;well&nbsp;&nbsp;when&nbsp;&nbsp;you're&nbsp;&nbsp;jumping&nbsp;&nbsp;off&nbsp;of<br>bridges&nbsp;&nbsp;like&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;teenager&nbsp;into&nbsp;a&nbsp;river,<br>which,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;know,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;flowing&nbsp;&nbsp;away.<br>Flowing&nbsp;&nbsp;away&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;bikini&nbsp;top&nbsp;AND<br>bottom,&nbsp;that&nbsp;is.&nbsp;&nbsp;Mildred,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;may&nbsp;&nbsp;be<br>going&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;seventy-mumble,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;you&nbsp;still<br>have&nbsp;a&nbsp;fine&nbsp;ass,&nbsp;wrinkles&nbsp;and&nbsp;all.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;fine&nbsp;asses,&nbsp;&nbsp;mine&nbsp;is&nbsp;doing<br>quite&nbsp;well,&nbsp;thank&nbsp;you,&nbsp;and&nbsp;thank&nbsp;you&nbsp;all<br>for&nbsp;the&nbsp;gift&nbsp;baskets.&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;had&nbsp;to&nbsp;share<br>the&nbsp;largesse&nbsp;with&nbsp;the&nbsp;rest&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;writer<br>collective&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;anyone&nbsp;&nbsp;else&nbsp;who&nbsp;wanted&nbsp;<br>chocolate&nbsp;&nbsp;dipped&nbsp;&nbsp;pineapples&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;staff,&nbsp;<br>for&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;they&nbsp;&nbsp;thank&nbsp;you&nbsp;all&nbsp;as&nbsp;well,<br>and&nbsp;pray&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;fall&nbsp;down&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;nice&nbsp;long<br>flight&nbsp;of&nbsp;stairs.<br><br>Deity&nbsp;or&nbsp;deities,&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;reading<br>this,&nbsp;&nbsp;please&nbsp;ignore&nbsp;those&nbsp;knuckleheads.<br>I've&nbsp;had&nbsp;&nbsp;enough&nbsp;&nbsp;hospital&nbsp;bills&nbsp;to&nbsp;last<br>a&nbsp;lifetime.<br><br>I&nbsp;would&nbsp;like&nbsp;to&nbsp;thank&nbsp;Haruki,&nbsp;Itsuki&nbsp;and<br>their&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;gang&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;propaganda-spouting<br>rabbits&nbsp;especially.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;you&nbsp;ever&nbsp;want&nbsp;to<br>read&nbsp;&nbsp;material&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;plight&nbsp;of&nbsp;the<br>New&nbsp;England&nbsp;cottontail&nbsp;rabbit,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;now<br>have&nbsp;&nbsp;stacks&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;it,&nbsp;&nbsp;along&nbsp;with&nbsp;my&nbsp;gift<br>basket.<br><br>In&nbsp;&nbsp;less&nbsp;&nbsp;amusing&nbsp;&nbsp;news,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;sad&nbsp;to&nbsp;say<br>that&nbsp;Mrs.&nbsp;Mabel&nbsp;Miller,&nbsp;&nbsp;grandmother&nbsp;and<br>force&nbsp;of&nbsp;nature,&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;passed&nbsp;away&nbsp;at&nbsp;the<br>ripe&nbsp;&nbsp;old&nbsp;&nbsp;age&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;hundred&nbsp;and&nbsp;two.&nbsp;&nbsp;To<br>all&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;Miller&nbsp;family,&nbsp;my&nbsp;condolences.<br>She&nbsp;was&nbsp;a&nbsp;tough&nbsp;old&nbsp;bird&nbsp;and&nbsp;she&nbsp;will&nbsp;be<br>missed.

==September 06, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;can<br>kiss&nbsp;goodbye&nbsp;to&nbsp;Summer,&nbsp;ladies&nbsp;and&nbsp;gents<br>and&nbsp;assorted&nbsp;others.&nbsp;&nbsp;Really,&nbsp;we&nbsp;can.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>do&nbsp;&nbsp;appreciate&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;lengths,&nbsp;and&nbsp;depths,<br>to&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;certain&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;members&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;our<br>community&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;willing&nbsp;to&nbsp;go&nbsp;to&nbsp;cling&nbsp;to<br>its&nbsp;sunny&nbsp;warmth,&nbsp;however...<br><br>Where&nbsp;to&nbsp;begin?<br><br>Sally&nbsp;Hanwood&nbsp;seems&nbsp;a&nbsp;good&nbsp;start.&nbsp;If&nbsp;you<br>haven't&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;down&nbsp;Mill&nbsp;Road&nbsp;in&nbsp;a&nbsp;while,<br>you&nbsp;&nbsp;really&nbsp;should&nbsp;&nbsp;take&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;trip&nbsp;&nbsp;toward<br>Salvation&nbsp;East.&nbsp;&nbsp;Sally&nbsp;here&nbsp;says&nbsp;she&nbsp;was<br>stuck&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;a&nbsp;Beatles&nbsp;rut,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;that's&nbsp;why<br>she&nbsp;planted,&nbsp;and&nbsp;yes,&nbsp;she&nbsp;counted&nbsp;it&nbsp;all<br>out&nbsp;individually&nbsp;and&nbsp;by&nbsp;hand,&nbsp;a&nbsp;field&nbsp;of<br>six&nbsp;thousand&nbsp;&nbsp;eight-hundred&nbsp;twenty-seven<br>sunflowers.&nbsp;&nbsp;Here&nbsp;&nbsp;comes&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;sun?&nbsp;&nbsp;How<br>about&nbsp;'here&nbsp;comes&nbsp;the&nbsp;avian&nbsp;obesity'?&nbsp;If<br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;were&nbsp;&nbsp;you,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;&nbsp;out&nbsp;there&nbsp;fast,<br>before&nbsp;we&nbsp;get&nbsp;a&nbsp;Hitchcock&nbsp;thriller&nbsp;going<br>on.<br><br>Little&nbsp;miss&nbsp;Miller&nbsp;sitting&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;tiller<br>is&nbsp;our&nbsp;next&nbsp;Summer&nbsp;fling.&nbsp;&nbsp;Literally.<br><br>Kira,&nbsp;next&nbsp;time&nbsp;you&nbsp;want&nbsp;to&nbsp;ride&nbsp;a&nbsp;horse<br>around&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;field,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;&nbsp;recommend&nbsp;wearing<br>exactly&nbsp;&nbsp;what&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;did&nbsp;last&nbsp;&nbsp;Tuesday.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>haven't&nbsp;seen&nbsp;&nbsp;Daley&nbsp;Biggs&nbsp;&nbsp;laugh&nbsp;so&nbsp;hard<br>since&nbsp;he&nbsp;was&nbsp;my&nbsp;nephew's&nbsp;science&nbsp;teacher<br>and&nbsp;Andrew&nbsp;glued&nbsp;himself&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;desk.<br><br>He&nbsp;&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;himself&nbsp;unglued,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;his&nbsp;pants<br>did&nbsp;not.<br><br>Yes,&nbsp;he&nbsp;paid&nbsp;for&nbsp;a&nbsp;new&nbsp;desk.<br><br>Third&nbsp;and&nbsp;finally,&nbsp;my&nbsp;personal&nbsp;favorite,<br>Mrs.&nbsp;Nelson&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;whipping&nbsp;up&nbsp;a&nbsp;storm<br>of&nbsp;chocolate&nbsp;lollies&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;church,&nbsp;tomb<br>stone&nbsp;&nbsp;shaped,&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;celebrate&nbsp;the&nbsp;end&nbsp;of<br>Summer&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;of&nbsp;calorie-laden&nbsp;doom.<br>They're&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;sale&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;graveyard&nbsp;every<br>day&nbsp;this&nbsp;week.

==September 13, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;we&nbsp;seem&nbsp;to<br>have&nbsp;a&nbsp;mysterious&nbsp;squash-slicer&nbsp;in&nbsp;town.<br>Are&nbsp;zucchinis&nbsp;squashes?&nbsp;&nbsp;Foamy&nbsp;vegetable<br>substitute&nbsp;for&nbsp;a&nbsp;good&nbsp;steak,&nbsp;but&nbsp;they&nbsp;do<br>fake&nbsp;it&nbsp;well.&nbsp;&nbsp;In&nbsp;this&nbsp;case,&nbsp;&nbsp;overnight,<br>we've&nbsp;had&nbsp;a&nbsp;rash&nbsp;of&nbsp;little&nbsp;hanged&nbsp;gourds<br>(maybe&nbsp;&nbsp;zucchinis&nbsp;are&nbsp;gourds?)&nbsp;&nbsp;dangling<br>in&nbsp;doorframes,&nbsp;windows,&nbsp;at&nbsp;bus&nbsp;stops,&nbsp;on<br>bathroom&nbsp;&nbsp;counters&nbsp;and&nbsp;several&nbsp;locations<br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;had&nbsp;never&nbsp;thought&nbsp;a&nbsp;vegetable&nbsp;of&nbsp;such<br>an&nbsp;unusual&nbsp;size&nbsp;could&nbsp;dangle.<br><br>The&nbsp;Mayor's&nbsp;asking&nbsp;the&nbsp;veggie-dangler&nbsp;to<br>keep&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;witchcraft&nbsp;to&nbsp;a&nbsp;minimum&nbsp;until<br>at&nbsp;least&nbsp;October,&nbsp;but&nbsp;we&nbsp;all&nbsp;know&nbsp;Jack's<br>a&nbsp;stick&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;mud.<br><br>Dangle&nbsp;away,&nbsp;oh&nbsp;Zucchini&nbsp;Mangler!<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;mangling&nbsp;things&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;mystery<br>appearances,&nbsp;&nbsp;what's&nbsp;up&nbsp;with&nbsp;the&nbsp;fish&nbsp;by<br>the&nbsp;river,&nbsp;folks?&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;heard&nbsp;rumors&nbsp;out<br>of&nbsp;four&nbsp;&nbsp;separate&nbsp;reliable&nbsp;&nbsp;sources&nbsp;that<br>they&nbsp;weren't&nbsp;drinking&nbsp;and&nbsp;really&nbsp;did&nbsp;see<br>fish&nbsp;torn&nbsp;up&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;banks,&nbsp;bellies&nbsp;open,<br>but&nbsp;otherwise&nbsp;uneaten.&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;keep&nbsp;the&nbsp;kids<br>away&nbsp;from&nbsp;the&nbsp;river,&nbsp;folks,&nbsp;just&nbsp;in&nbsp;case<br>whatever&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;is&nbsp;hasn't&nbsp;found&nbsp;what&nbsp;it&nbsp;was<br>looking&nbsp;for...<br><br>Last&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;not&nbsp;least,&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;White&nbsp;Witch&nbsp;of<br>Tamarack&nbsp;Falls&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;the&nbsp;newspaper's&nbsp;full<br>support&nbsp;&nbsp;while&nbsp;&nbsp;she&nbsp;&nbsp;recovers&nbsp;&nbsp;from&nbsp;&nbsp;the<br>Library&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Incident&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;occurred&nbsp;&nbsp;on<br>Friday&nbsp;afternoon.&nbsp;I've&nbsp;been&nbsp;asked&nbsp;by&nbsp;the<br>library&nbsp;staff&nbsp;to&nbsp;give&nbsp;her&nbsp;a&nbsp;public&nbsp;thank<br>you&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;of&nbsp;her&nbsp;help&nbsp;in&nbsp;identifying<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;killer.&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;&nbsp;asked&nbsp;&nbsp;by&nbsp;&nbsp;the<br>police,&nbsp;&nbsp;however,&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;say&nbsp;more&nbsp;than<br>that,&nbsp;so&nbsp;we'll&nbsp;leave&nbsp;it&nbsp;right&nbsp;there.

==September 20, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;am&nbsp;glad<br>to&nbsp;&nbsp;say&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;there&nbsp;have&nbsp;been&nbsp;no&nbsp;further<br>fish&nbsp;shenanigans.&nbsp;&nbsp;Fish&nbsp;belong&nbsp;in&nbsp;rivers<br>or&nbsp;on&nbsp;my&nbsp;dinner&nbsp;plate,&nbsp;breaded&nbsp;and&nbsp;well-<br>cooked.<br><br>Sorry,&nbsp;&nbsp;sushi-lovers.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'll&nbsp;&nbsp;admire&nbsp;your<br>snacks&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;art&nbsp;involved,&nbsp;but&nbsp;nothing<br>is&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;me&nbsp;eating&nbsp;a&nbsp;raw&nbsp;fish.<br><br>Speculation&nbsp;over&nbsp;just&nbsp;who's&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;win<br>the&nbsp;vote&nbsp;for&nbsp;this&nbsp;year's&nbsp;&nbsp;Apple&nbsp;Queen&nbsp;is<br>everywhere,&nbsp;and&nbsp;hoo&nbsp;boy,&nbsp;the&nbsp;competition<br>is&nbsp;getting&nbsp;tight.<br><br>Mind,&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;ballots&nbsp;are&nbsp;a&nbsp;secret,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;&nbsp;of<br>course&nbsp;everyone&nbsp;knows&nbsp;who's&nbsp;on&nbsp;them.&nbsp;&nbsp;My<br>personal&nbsp;&nbsp;favorite&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;pet&nbsp;goldfish<br>named&nbsp;Bob,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;'Bobby&nbsp;for&nbsp;Apples'<br>campaign&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;street&nbsp;corners...<br><br>The&nbsp;&nbsp;lemonade&nbsp;they're&nbsp;selling&nbsp;isn't&nbsp;bad,<br>either.&nbsp;&nbsp;Made&nbsp;&nbsp;fresh,&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;little&nbsp;fish-<br>shaped&nbsp;ice&nbsp;molds,&nbsp;even.&nbsp;&nbsp;Kids&nbsp;these&nbsp;days<br>get&nbsp;it&nbsp;easy.&nbsp;&nbsp;Back&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;dinosaur&nbsp;days<br>when&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;was&nbsp;a&nbsp;kid,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;had&nbsp;ice&nbsp;in&nbsp;actual<br>cubes.&nbsp;<br><br>My&nbsp;editor&nbsp;says&nbsp;it's&nbsp;my&nbsp;turn&nbsp;to&nbsp;give&nbsp;up&nbsp;a<br>few&nbsp;column&nbsp;inches,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;I'll&nbsp;see&nbsp;you&nbsp;next<br>week!

==September 27, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;while&nbsp;I'm<br>sure&nbsp;you've&nbsp;already&nbsp;heard&nbsp;from&nbsp;the&nbsp;other<br>columns&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;paper,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;heard<br>it&nbsp;from&nbsp;me:&nbsp;we&nbsp;have&nbsp;our&nbsp;first&nbsp;male&nbsp;Apple<br>Queen&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;&nbsp;year,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;it's&nbsp;none&nbsp;other<br>than&nbsp;&nbsp;our&nbsp;local&nbsp;magician&nbsp;extraordinaire,<br>Haruki.&nbsp;&nbsp;Congrats,&nbsp;kid.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;can't&nbsp;wait&nbsp;to<br>see&nbsp;which&nbsp;consort&nbsp;you&nbsp;pull&nbsp;out&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;hat.<br><br>Several&nbsp;&nbsp;young&nbsp;&nbsp;ladies&nbsp;and&nbsp;their&nbsp;parents<br>have&nbsp;&nbsp;expressed&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;wish&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;certain<br>butt-naked&nbsp;somebody&nbsp;would&nbsp;have&nbsp;had&nbsp;a&nbsp;hat<br>of&nbsp;his&nbsp;own,&nbsp;this&nbsp;past&nbsp;week,&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;on&nbsp;the<br>dock&nbsp;&nbsp;by&nbsp;&nbsp;Lake&nbsp;Brunsett.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;didn't&nbsp;get&nbsp;a<br>name,&nbsp;but&nbsp;from&nbsp;what&nbsp;I've&nbsp;heard,&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;guy<br>set&nbsp;his&nbsp;&nbsp;own&nbsp;&nbsp;crotch&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;fire&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;got<br>shoved&nbsp;off&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;dock.&nbsp;&nbsp;That's&nbsp;version<br>number&nbsp;one.<br><br>Version&nbsp;&nbsp;number&nbsp;&nbsp;two&nbsp;&nbsp;involves&nbsp;tentacles<br>better&nbsp;seen&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;hentai&nbsp;than&nbsp;a&nbsp;public<br>boating&nbsp;dock,&nbsp;&nbsp;fireballs&nbsp;&nbsp;better&nbsp;seen&nbsp;in<br>Dungeons&nbsp;&&nbsp;Dragons&nbsp;(and&nbsp;yes,&nbsp;Peter&nbsp;Qi,&nbsp;I<br>do&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;what&nbsp;that&nbsp;is;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;not&nbsp;THAT&nbsp;old<br>and&nbsp;decrepit),&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;attractive&nbsp;young<br>woman&nbsp;&nbsp;weeping&nbsp;&nbsp;over&nbsp;&nbsp;his&nbsp;&nbsp;manly&nbsp;&nbsp;nudity<br>until&nbsp;the&nbsp;cops&nbsp;showed&nbsp;up&nbsp;to&nbsp;congratulate<br>him&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;his&nbsp;&nbsp;victory&nbsp;over&nbsp;unnatural&nbsp;and<br>monstrous&nbsp;beasts.<br><br>Version&nbsp;number&nbsp;three&nbsp;&nbsp;involves&nbsp;&nbsp;saving&nbsp;a<br>little&nbsp;girl&nbsp;from&nbsp;a&nbsp;random&nbsp;attack&nbsp;by&nbsp;some<br>variation&nbsp;on&nbsp;an&nbsp;octopus,&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;sting&nbsp;ray&nbsp;or<br>a&nbsp;seal,&nbsp;&nbsp;depending&nbsp;on&nbsp;which&nbsp;source&nbsp;I&nbsp;was<br>talking&nbsp;&nbsp;to,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;single&nbsp;&nbsp;unifying<br>event&nbsp;in&nbsp;all&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;stories&nbsp;was&nbsp;this&nbsp;guy<br>getting&nbsp;&nbsp;his&nbsp;pants&nbsp;burned&nbsp;off&nbsp;and&nbsp;almost<br>drowning&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;lake.<br><br>Tourists&nbsp;may&nbsp;wimp&nbsp;out&nbsp;and&nbsp;leave&nbsp;the&nbsp;lake<br>early&nbsp;this&nbsp;year,&nbsp;but&nbsp;we've&nbsp;seen&nbsp;weirder,<br>haven't&nbsp;&nbsp;we?&nbsp;&nbsp;Not&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;make&nbsp;light&nbsp;of&nbsp;the<br>little&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;girl's&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;injuries,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;are<br>supposedly&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;extensive&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;minor&nbsp;&nbsp;and<br>expected&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;heal&nbsp;with&nbsp;minimal&nbsp;scarring,<br>but&nbsp;if&nbsp;I&nbsp;were&nbsp;you,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;worry&nbsp;too<br>much&nbsp;about&nbsp;seeing&nbsp;more&nbsp;of&nbsp;those&nbsp;critters<br>around.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;sure&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;experts&nbsp;from&nbsp;the<br>east&nbsp;bank&nbsp;will&nbsp;be&nbsp;taking&nbsp;care&nbsp;of&nbsp;it.

==October 04, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;I've&nbsp;got&nbsp;a&nbsp;<br>hankering&nbsp;for&nbsp;pumpkin&nbsp;pies,&nbsp;but&nbsp;everyone<br>is&nbsp;&nbsp;crazed&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;apples,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;for&nbsp;good<br>reason.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;&nbsp;recipes&nbsp;&nbsp;those&nbsp;contestants<br>were&nbsp;serving&nbsp;were&nbsp;mmmm&nbsp;mmm&nbsp;good,&nbsp;down&nbsp;to<br>the&nbsp;last&nbsp;bite.<br><br>I&nbsp;have&nbsp;no&nbsp;shame.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;took&nbsp;a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of&nbsp;bites.<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;didn't&nbsp;get&nbsp;to&nbsp;take&nbsp;a&nbsp;bite&nbsp;out&nbsp;of&nbsp;that<br>handsome&nbsp;hunk&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;Miller,&nbsp;&nbsp;however,&nbsp;who<br>was&nbsp;working&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;emergency&nbsp;station.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>did&nbsp;get&nbsp;to&nbsp;see&nbsp;Susan&nbsp;Farrendahl&nbsp;flirting<br>up&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;storm&nbsp;with&nbsp;the&nbsp;man,&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;a<br>real&nbsp;treat,&nbsp;let&nbsp;me&nbsp;tell&nbsp;you.&nbsp;If&nbsp;I&nbsp;were&nbsp;a<br>guy&nbsp;she&nbsp;had&nbsp;her&nbsp;sights&nbsp;on,&nbsp;&nbsp;hoo-ey,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'd<br>be&nbsp;drowning&nbsp;in&nbsp;that&nbsp;bounteous&nbsp;everything<br>in&nbsp;no&nbsp;time.&nbsp;&nbsp;Fly,&nbsp;meet&nbsp;web.<br><br>Pity&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;Miller&nbsp;is&nbsp;another&nbsp;spider.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;eight-legged&nbsp;friends,&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear<br>tell&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;local&nbsp;elementary&nbsp;kids&nbsp;are&nbsp;fix-<br>ing&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;decorate&nbsp;the&nbsp;schoolhouse&nbsp;and&nbsp;the<br>outside&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;church&nbsp;this&nbsp;year,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;a<br>certain&nbsp;spidery&nbsp;stuffed&nbsp;somebody&nbsp;will&nbsp;be<br>making&nbsp;a&nbsp;reappearance.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Just&nbsp;keep&nbsp;Fido&nbsp;away&nbsp;from&nbsp;him,&nbsp;Mikey.&nbsp;&nbsp;He<br>can&nbsp;only&nbsp;have&nbsp;de-paraplegia&nbsp;&nbsp;surgery&nbsp;&nbsp;so<br>many&nbsp;times&nbsp;before&nbsp;he&nbsp;gets&nbsp;a&nbsp;leg-popping-<br>off&nbsp;complex.<br><br>I've&nbsp;&nbsp;heard&nbsp;&nbsp;there's&nbsp;a&nbsp;girl&nbsp;around&nbsp;town,<br>no&nbsp;names&nbsp;given&nbsp;as&nbsp;yet,&nbsp;who&nbsp;claims&nbsp;Haruki<br>is&nbsp;a&nbsp;poser,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;not&nbsp;a&nbsp;real&nbsp;Apple&nbsp;Queen.<br>Sounds&nbsp;like&nbsp;someone&nbsp;wants&nbsp;a&nbsp;bake-off,&nbsp;to<br>me.<br><br>Win-win&nbsp;scenario&nbsp;for&nbsp;us,&nbsp;isn't&nbsp;it?<br><br>This&nbsp;time&nbsp;of&nbsp;year&nbsp;reminds&nbsp;me,&nbsp;&nbsp;too,&nbsp;that<br>times&nbsp;are&nbsp;a-changing,&nbsp;and&nbsp;we'd&nbsp;best&nbsp;keep<br>up.&nbsp;&nbsp;It's&nbsp;the&nbsp;dying&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;year,&nbsp;&nbsp;folks,<br>and&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;the&nbsp;hunts&nbsp;are&nbsp;coming&nbsp;soon.<br><br>Play&nbsp;it&nbsp;safe.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;know&nbsp;I&nbsp;will.

==October 11, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;hope&nbsp;we<br>have&nbsp;all&nbsp;learned&nbsp;&nbsp;our&nbsp;&nbsp;lesson&nbsp;as&nbsp;regards<br>opening&nbsp;&nbsp;doors&nbsp;to&nbsp;strangers.&nbsp;&nbsp;Also,&nbsp;&nbsp;who<br>knew&nbsp;&nbsp;BangBang&nbsp;&nbsp;had&nbsp;such&nbsp;an&nbsp;entertaining<br>means&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;discouraging&nbsp;robbers?&nbsp;&nbsp;Really,<br>even&nbsp;&nbsp;more&nbsp;than&nbsp;&nbsp;that,&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;would&nbsp;try&nbsp;to<br>rob&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;hair&nbsp;salon?&nbsp;&nbsp;Further,&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;&nbsp;would<br>try&nbsp;to&nbsp;rob&nbsp;a&nbsp;hair&nbsp;salon&nbsp;named&nbsp;'Crops&nbsp;and<br>Bobbers'&nbsp;&nbsp;right&nbsp;down&nbsp;the&nbsp;street&nbsp;from&nbsp;the<br>local&nbsp;police&nbsp;deputy?<br><br>Don't&nbsp;worry,&nbsp;folks.&nbsp;&nbsp;Like&nbsp;Ashley&nbsp;said&nbsp;in<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;news&nbsp;&nbsp;report,&nbsp;&nbsp;everyone's&nbsp;fine,&nbsp;and<br>the&nbsp;perp's&nbsp;skin&nbsp;will&nbsp;be&nbsp;stained&nbsp;an&nbsp;array<br>of&nbsp;&nbsp;interesting&nbsp;&nbsp;colors&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;at&nbsp;least&nbsp;a<br>week&nbsp;or&nbsp;two.<br><br>On&nbsp;a&nbsp;lighter&nbsp;note,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;like&nbsp;to&nbsp;offer&nbsp;my<br>personal,&nbsp;and&nbsp;public,&nbsp;congratulations&nbsp;to<br>Mr.&nbsp;and&nbsp;Mrs.&nbsp;Hoffmann&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;sticking&nbsp;with<br>each&nbsp;&nbsp;other&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;until&nbsp;&nbsp;this,&nbsp;their&nbsp;75th<br>wedding&nbsp;anniversary.&nbsp;&nbsp;Also,&nbsp;&nbsp;when&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;a<br>hundred&nbsp;and&nbsp;two,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;sure&nbsp;hope&nbsp;I&nbsp;have&nbsp;the<br>guts&nbsp;to&nbsp;take&nbsp;a&nbsp;hot&nbsp;air&nbsp;balloon&nbsp;ride&nbsp;over<br>the&nbsp;waterfall&nbsp;for&nbsp;MY&nbsp;anniversaries.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;waterfall,&nbsp;I've&nbsp;heard&nbsp;a<br>few&nbsp;&nbsp;reports&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;someone&nbsp;throwing&nbsp;bird<br>feathers&nbsp;&nbsp;into&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;river.&nbsp;&nbsp;There's&nbsp;no<br>sign&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;actual&nbsp;birds&nbsp;being&nbsp;harmed,&nbsp;but<br>if&nbsp;&nbsp;anyone&nbsp;knows&nbsp;the&nbsp;culprit&nbsp;behind&nbsp;it,<br>the&nbsp;wardens&nbsp;&nbsp;would&nbsp;&nbsp;like&nbsp;to&nbsp;have&nbsp;a&nbsp;word<br>with&nbsp;&nbsp;them&nbsp;&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;clogging&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;safety<br>nets&nbsp;under&nbsp;the&nbsp;bridges...<br><br>We're&nbsp;getting&nbsp;closer&nbsp;to&nbsp;Halloween,&nbsp;&nbsp;and<br>I&nbsp;don't&nbsp;know&nbsp;about&nbsp;you,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;keep&nbsp;my<br>doors&nbsp;locked,&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip,&nbsp;if&nbsp;I&nbsp;had&nbsp;an&nbsp;admirer<br>as&nbsp;&nbsp;dedicated&nbsp;as&nbsp;you&nbsp;do.&nbsp;&nbsp;Seems&nbsp;someone<br>left&nbsp;&nbsp;cupcakes&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;our&nbsp;local&nbsp;bookstore<br>sweetheart,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;address&nbsp;&nbsp;was&nbsp;two<br>numbers&nbsp;&nbsp;off.&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;anyone&nbsp;&nbsp;else&nbsp;&nbsp;sees&nbsp;&nbsp;a<br>suspicious&nbsp;&nbsp;package,&nbsp;&nbsp;'Mindy&nbsp;x&nbsp;Kip'&nbsp;was<br>on&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;one,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;police&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;looking<br>into&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;identity&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;thumb&nbsp;which<br>was&nbsp;attached&nbsp;&nbsp;along&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;'Yours,<br>always'&nbsp;letter&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;box.

==October 18, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;we've&nbsp;all<br>had&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;chance&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;say&nbsp;goodbye&nbsp;to&nbsp;Autumn<br>and&nbsp;hello&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;old&nbsp;Jack&nbsp;Frost.&nbsp;&nbsp;How&nbsp;about<br>that&nbsp;&nbsp;snow,&nbsp;&nbsp;folks?&nbsp;&nbsp;Nothing's&nbsp;sticking,<br>but&nbsp;if&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;gotten&nbsp;&nbsp;those&nbsp;Spring<br>tulips&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;ground&nbsp;yet,&nbsp;you'd&nbsp;best&nbsp;get<br>crackin'.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;&nbsp;hard&nbsp;&nbsp;freezes&nbsp;are&nbsp;coming<br>soon.<br><br>The&nbsp;&nbsp;town's&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;drowning&nbsp;in&nbsp;apples&nbsp;for<br>weeks,&nbsp;but&nbsp;the&nbsp;pumpkin&nbsp;fields&nbsp;are&nbsp;mighty<br>strong&nbsp;competition,&nbsp;and&nbsp;I've&nbsp;got&nbsp;to&nbsp;say,<br>my&nbsp;house&nbsp;has&nbsp;never&nbsp;looked&nbsp;more&nbsp;orange.&nbsp;I<br>don't&nbsp;know&nbsp;if&nbsp;it's&nbsp;a&nbsp;lucky&nbsp;little&nbsp;faerie<br>in&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;fields&nbsp;&nbsp;or&nbsp;a&nbsp;portent&nbsp;that&nbsp;we're<br>all&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;snowed&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;end&nbsp;up<br>with&nbsp;scurvy,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I'll&nbsp;take&nbsp;it.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;taking&nbsp;pumpkins...<br><br>I've&nbsp;been&nbsp;sponsored&nbsp;by&nbsp;Melissa&nbsp;Elliot&nbsp;of<br>the,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;quote,&nbsp;&nbsp;"Tamarack&nbsp;Elliots,"&nbsp;&nbsp;by<br>means&nbsp;of&nbsp;three&nbsp;&nbsp;pumpkin&nbsp;&nbsp;pies&nbsp;with&nbsp;extra<br>cinnamon&nbsp;&nbsp;(for&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;entire&nbsp;office<br>thanks&nbsp;you),&nbsp;to&nbsp;tell&nbsp;you&nbsp;all&nbsp;that&nbsp;if&nbsp;you<br>see&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;dark-haired&nbsp;man&nbsp;with&nbsp;insect&nbsp;eyes<br>looking&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;at&nbsp;you&nbsp;from&nbsp;the&nbsp;reflections<br>on&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;insides&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;windows,&nbsp;&nbsp;you<br>should&nbsp;let&nbsp;her&nbsp;know,&nbsp;so&nbsp;she&nbsp;doesn't&nbsp;have<br>to&nbsp;feel&nbsp;like&nbsp;she&nbsp;is&nbsp;going&nbsp;crazy.<br><br>Liss,&nbsp;if&nbsp;you're&nbsp;going&nbsp;crazy,&nbsp;can&nbsp;you&nbsp;get<br>a&nbsp;copy&nbsp;of&nbsp;that&nbsp;pie&nbsp;recipe&nbsp;over&nbsp;to&nbsp;Ashley<br>in&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;news&nbsp;room?&nbsp;&nbsp;It&nbsp;would&nbsp;be&nbsp;a&nbsp;crying<br>shame&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;world&nbsp;to&nbsp;lose&nbsp;that&nbsp;pie,<br>and&nbsp;I,&nbsp;for&nbsp;one,&nbsp;am&nbsp;&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;have&nbsp;night-<br>mares&nbsp;about&nbsp;staring&nbsp;eyes&nbsp;for&nbsp;days.<br><br>If&nbsp;you&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;checked&nbsp;it&nbsp;out&nbsp;yet,&nbsp;John,<br>you&nbsp;and&nbsp;your&nbsp;Desrochers&nbsp;friends&nbsp;ought&nbsp;to<br>sign&nbsp;up&nbsp;for&nbsp;that&nbsp;race&nbsp;this&nbsp;weekend.&nbsp;&nbsp;The<br>Spook-A-Thon&nbsp;&nbsp;seems&nbsp;right&nbsp;up&nbsp;your&nbsp;alley.<br>I'm&nbsp;sure&nbsp;there&nbsp;will&nbsp;be&nbsp;giant&nbsp;spiders&nbsp;for<br>you&nbsp;to&nbsp;squeal&nbsp;at,&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;&nbsp;like&nbsp;&nbsp;Linda&nbsp;May<br>swears&nbsp;you&nbsp;do&nbsp;any&nbsp;time&nbsp;you&nbsp;see&nbsp;one,&nbsp;&nbsp;but<br>what&nbsp;do&nbsp;I&nbsp;know&nbsp;about&nbsp;revenge?&nbsp;I&nbsp;told&nbsp;you<br>I&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;forget.<br><br>I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;some&nbsp;&nbsp;out-of-towners&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;gone<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;challenged&nbsp;everybody&nbsp;to&nbsp;a&nbsp;paintball<br>match&nbsp;as&nbsp;well.&nbsp;&nbsp;They&nbsp;seem&nbsp;mighty&nbsp;&nbsp;confi-<br>dent&nbsp;about&nbsp;their&nbsp;chances&nbsp;of&nbsp;winning.

==October 25, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;we've&nbsp;got<br>a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;to&nbsp;say,&nbsp;so&nbsp;let's&nbsp;get&nbsp;saying&nbsp;it.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>have&nbsp;some&nbsp;eye-witness&nbsp;reporting&nbsp;for&nbsp;you,<br>seen&nbsp;by&nbsp;&nbsp;these&nbsp;very&nbsp;own&nbsp;peepers,&nbsp;&nbsp;thanks<br>to&nbsp;&nbsp;Mayor&nbsp;Jack&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;his&nbsp;hideous&nbsp;&nbsp;love&nbsp;of<br>healthy,&nbsp;&nbsp;environmentally&nbsp;&nbsp;conscious&nbsp;and<br>early-morning&nbsp;&nbsp;activities.&nbsp;&nbsp;Hiking&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;a<br>mountain&nbsp;&nbsp;when&nbsp;there's&nbsp;&nbsp;barely&nbsp;&nbsp;daylight<br>just&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;clean&nbsp;up&nbsp;trash&nbsp;left&nbsp;by&nbsp;the&nbsp;kids<br>too&nbsp;foolish&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;tidy&nbsp;up&nbsp;the&nbsp;evidence&nbsp;of<br>their&nbsp;&nbsp;own&nbsp;parties&nbsp;(looking&nbsp;at&nbsp;you,&nbsp;John<br>and&nbsp;Annette,&nbsp;and&nbsp;George,&nbsp;too)&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;not&nbsp;my<br>idea&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;peaceful&nbsp;interview.<br><br>Now,&nbsp;on&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;eye-witness&nbsp;business.&nbsp;&nbsp;We<br>saw&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;bunch&nbsp;of&nbsp;trees&nbsp;just&nbsp;torn&nbsp;down&nbsp;in<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;woods,&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;lot&nbsp;more&nbsp;than&nbsp;a&nbsp;few&nbsp;kids<br>could&nbsp;&nbsp;manage&nbsp;on&nbsp;foot.&nbsp;&nbsp;Didn't&nbsp;look&nbsp;like<br>bear&nbsp;sign,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;there&nbsp;&nbsp;wasn't&nbsp;&nbsp;anything<br>that&nbsp;looked&nbsp;like&nbsp;power&nbsp;tools&nbsp;nearby,&nbsp;&nbsp;so<br>be&nbsp;careful&nbsp;out&nbsp;&nbsp;there&nbsp;if&nbsp;you're&nbsp;going&nbsp;on<br>a&nbsp;hike&nbsp;alone.<br><br>Next,&nbsp;it's&nbsp;not&nbsp;even&nbsp;November&nbsp;yet,&nbsp;but&nbsp;we<br>already&nbsp;have&nbsp;some&nbsp;Christmas&nbsp;card&nbsp;capers,<br>and&nbsp;some&nbsp;itchy,&nbsp;sneezy&nbsp;ones&nbsp;at&nbsp;that.&nbsp;The<br>folks&nbsp;who've&nbsp;gotten&nbsp;these&nbsp;cards&nbsp;say&nbsp;they<br>felt&nbsp;like&nbsp;&nbsp;allergies,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;creepy,&nbsp;&nbsp;too,<br>like&nbsp;they&nbsp;weren't&nbsp;the&nbsp;only&nbsp;person&nbsp;in&nbsp;the<br>driver's&nbsp;seat&nbsp;of&nbsp;their&nbsp;own&nbsp;bodies.&nbsp;&nbsp;Now,<br>I&nbsp;don't&nbsp;know&nbsp;about&nbsp;you,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;when&nbsp;people<br>tell&nbsp;&nbsp;ME&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;into&nbsp;the&nbsp;holiday&nbsp;spirit,<br>I&nbsp;don't&nbsp;go&nbsp;out&nbsp;and&nbsp;try&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;possessed.<br><br>A&nbsp;Cade&nbsp;Sextus,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told,&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;&nbsp;had&nbsp;zero<br>takers&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;his&nbsp;&nbsp;offers&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;dye&nbsp;or&nbsp;paint<br>whatever&nbsp;metal&nbsp;he's&nbsp;brought.&nbsp;You'd&nbsp;think<br>a&nbsp;town&nbsp;like&nbsp;this&nbsp;would&nbsp;like&nbsp;some&nbsp;oddball<br>art.&nbsp;&nbsp;Just&nbsp;think,&nbsp;we&nbsp;could&nbsp;all&nbsp;sport&nbsp;hub<br>caps&nbsp;as&nbsp;darling&nbsp;as&nbsp;Amanda&nbsp;Binks'&nbsp;Chevy.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;Binks,&nbsp;&nbsp;I've&nbsp;been&nbsp;watching<br>some&nbsp;good&nbsp;old&nbsp;Halloween&nbsp;movie&nbsp;fun-a-thon<br>runs&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;TV&nbsp;lately,&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;get&nbsp;myself&nbsp;into<br>the&nbsp;spooky&nbsp;spirit,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;Hocus&nbsp;Pocus&nbsp;must<br>be&nbsp;on&nbsp;somebody's&nbsp;list&nbsp;of&nbsp;favorites,&nbsp;&nbsp;be-<br>cause&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;could&nbsp;swear&nbsp;it's&nbsp;been&nbsp;on&nbsp;twice<br>as&nbsp;&nbsp;often&nbsp;as&nbsp;anything&nbsp;else.&nbsp;&nbsp;Not&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;I<br>mind.&nbsp;&nbsp;Can't&nbsp;go&nbsp;&nbsp;wrong&nbsp;with&nbsp;Bette&nbsp;Midler<br>putting&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;spell&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;fake&nbsp;buck<br>teeth.<br><br>We&nbsp;&nbsp;CAN&nbsp;&nbsp;go&nbsp;wrong&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;cornfield&nbsp;maze<br>when&nbsp;there's&nbsp;no&nbsp;corn...&nbsp;Steve's&nbsp;&nbsp;always<br>been&nbsp;a&nbsp;little&nbsp;odd,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;takes&nbsp;the<br>cake&nbsp;even&nbsp;for&nbsp;him.&nbsp;&nbsp;This&nbsp;month.&nbsp;Who&nbsp;can<br>say&nbsp;what&nbsp;he'll&nbsp;do&nbsp;in&nbsp;November?&nbsp;&nbsp;See,&nbsp;he<br>has&nbsp;a&nbsp;maze,&nbsp;but&nbsp;he&nbsp;hasn't&nbsp;grown&nbsp;corn&nbsp;in<br>five&nbsp;years.&nbsp;&nbsp;It's&nbsp;just&nbsp;high&nbsp;weeds.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm<br>told&nbsp;it's&nbsp;really&nbsp;something,&nbsp;but&nbsp;the&nbsp;kid<br>I&nbsp;talked&nbsp;to,&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;gave&nbsp;me&nbsp;this&nbsp;scoop&nbsp;on<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;promise&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;even&nbsp;hint<br>at&nbsp;their&nbsp;name,&nbsp;&nbsp;clever&nbsp;person&nbsp;that&nbsp;they<br>were,&nbsp;&nbsp;got&nbsp;pretty&nbsp;spooked:&nbsp;either&nbsp;Steve<br>really&nbsp;has&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;faulty&nbsp;motor&nbsp;somewhere&nbsp;or<br>someone&nbsp;was&nbsp;out&nbsp;there&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;chainsaw.

==November 01, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;have&nbsp;I&nbsp;got<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;scoop&nbsp;for&nbsp;you!&nbsp;&nbsp;Tanya&nbsp;Mallory,&nbsp;&nbsp;local<br>aficionado&nbsp;extraordinaire,&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;gave&nbsp;me<br>a&nbsp;bowl&nbsp;of&nbsp;some&nbsp;of&nbsp;Dare's&nbsp;newest&nbsp;flavors,<br>and&nbsp;hoo&nbsp;boy,&nbsp;you've&nbsp;got&nbsp;to&nbsp;try&nbsp;these.&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>didn't&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;tongue&nbsp;even&nbsp;knew&nbsp;how&nbsp;to<br>taste&nbsp;that&nbsp;many&nbsp;oddball&nbsp;things&nbsp;at&nbsp;once.<br><br>That&nbsp;said,&nbsp;Happy&nbsp;Halloween!&nbsp;&nbsp;A&nbsp;&nbsp;day&nbsp;late<br>is&nbsp;&nbsp;better&nbsp;than&nbsp;never.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;not&nbsp;sure&nbsp;who<br>it&nbsp;was,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I've&nbsp;been&nbsp;hearing&nbsp;rumors&nbsp;all<br>around&nbsp;town&nbsp;that&nbsp;someone&nbsp;went&nbsp;around&nbsp;and<br>placed&nbsp;a&nbsp;bunch&nbsp;of&nbsp;stone&nbsp;cat&nbsp;carvings&nbsp;all<br>over&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;place.&nbsp;&nbsp;What'd&nbsp;they&nbsp;do,&nbsp;&nbsp;cross<br>paths&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;black&nbsp;one?&nbsp;&nbsp;Propitiation&nbsp;on<br>that&nbsp;scale&nbsp;&nbsp;seems&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;excessive,&nbsp;&nbsp;but<br>who&nbsp;am&nbsp;I&nbsp;to&nbsp;judge?<br><br>I've&nbsp;&nbsp;heard&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;Nancy's&nbsp;boy&nbsp;was&nbsp;found<br>out&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;woods&nbsp;a&nbsp;few&nbsp;days&nbsp;back,&nbsp;&nbsp;after<br>being&nbsp;&nbsp;missing&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;week.&nbsp;&nbsp;Just&nbsp;a&nbsp;few<br>scrapes&nbsp;and&nbsp;cuts,&nbsp;but&nbsp;please,&nbsp;&nbsp;folks,&nbsp;be<br>careful&nbsp;about&nbsp;&nbsp;those&nbsp;&nbsp;woods.&nbsp;&nbsp;Especially<br>the&nbsp;ones&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;east&nbsp;bank.<br><br>On&nbsp;a&nbsp;much&nbsp;lighter&nbsp;note,&nbsp;it&nbsp;is&nbsp;my&nbsp;joy&nbsp;and<br>privilege&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;bring&nbsp;you&nbsp;yet&nbsp;another&nbsp;Kip-<br>scapade&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;&nbsp;week.&nbsp;&nbsp;Rumor&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;it&nbsp;that<br>our&nbsp;&nbsp;local&nbsp;&nbsp;book-loving,&nbsp;&nbsp;rainbow-haired<br>royalty&nbsp;left&nbsp;Crossroads&nbsp;in&nbsp;a&nbsp;hurry&nbsp;after<br>cozying&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;&nbsp;Kensington,<br>followed&nbsp;moments&nbsp;&nbsp;later&nbsp;by&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;Kip&nbsp;him-<br>self!&nbsp;&nbsp;Wonder&nbsp;what&nbsp;books&nbsp;THEY&nbsp;were&nbsp;going<br>off&nbsp;to&nbsp;love...<br><br>Don't&nbsp;&nbsp;forget,&nbsp;&nbsp;folks&nbsp;--&nbsp;we've&nbsp;&nbsp;had&nbsp;&nbsp;our<br>First&nbsp;Snow&nbsp;celebrations,&nbsp;but&nbsp;we're&nbsp;still<br>keeping&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;eye&nbsp;out&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;start&nbsp;of&nbsp;the<br>Frozen&nbsp;Bread&nbsp;Guy&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;first&nbsp;deep&nbsp;snow,<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;forges&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;town&nbsp;blacksmith's<br>workshop&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;getting&nbsp;a&nbsp;good,&nbsp;&nbsp;thorough<br>cleaning&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;prep&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;work&nbsp;he&nbsp;and<br>his&nbsp;assistants&nbsp;will&nbsp;be&nbsp;doing&nbsp;all&nbsp;through<br>December.

==November 08, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of<br>kids&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;hospital&nbsp;have&nbsp;had&nbsp;some&nbsp;magic<br>even&nbsp;past&nbsp;the&nbsp;night&nbsp;of&nbsp;Halloween&nbsp;itself.<br>I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;our&nbsp;bunny-crazy&nbsp;duo,&nbsp;Haruki&nbsp;and<br>Itsuki,&nbsp;&nbsp;dressed&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;a&nbsp;Pharaoh&nbsp;mummy<br>and,&nbsp;&nbsp;get&nbsp;this,&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;&nbsp;Egyptian&nbsp;&nbsp;god&nbsp;&nbsp;with<br>bunny&nbsp;ears,&nbsp;spent&nbsp;time&nbsp;down&nbsp;at&nbsp;Riverside<br>Hospital&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;few&nbsp;other&nbsp;charities&nbsp;and<br>care&nbsp;&nbsp;facilities&nbsp;as&nbsp;volunteer&nbsp;entertain-<br>ment,&nbsp;doing&nbsp;magic&nbsp;tricks&nbsp;and,&nbsp;of&nbsp;course,<br>because&nbsp;&nbsp;why&nbsp;&nbsp;wouldn't&nbsp;&nbsp;they&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;them,<br>letting&nbsp;&nbsp;folks&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;pet&nbsp;&nbsp;certified&nbsp;&nbsp;therapy<br>rabbits,&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;told&nbsp;&nbsp;were&nbsp;also&nbsp;&nbsp;in<br>costume.<br><br>I&nbsp;don't&nbsp;know&nbsp;about&nbsp;you,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;I&nbsp;sure&nbsp;hope<br>they&nbsp;had&nbsp;a&nbsp;lot&nbsp;of&nbsp;bunny&nbsp;pooper&nbsp;scoopers.<br><br>I've&nbsp;&nbsp;also&nbsp;&nbsp;heard&nbsp;&nbsp;tell&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;Haruki<br>there&nbsp;has&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;very&nbsp;&nbsp;studious&nbsp;Apple<br>Queen&nbsp;down&nbsp;at&nbsp;Patterson&nbsp;Middle&nbsp;School&nbsp;as<br>well,&nbsp;&nbsp;having&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;contest&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;best<br>apple-based&nbsp;&nbsp;diorama.&nbsp;&nbsp;Golden&nbsp;boy&nbsp;&nbsp;Logan<br>Brenner&nbsp;&nbsp;offered&nbsp;&nbsp;prizes&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;winners.<br>No&nbsp;parents&nbsp;allowed.<br><br>Thankfully,&nbsp;it's&nbsp;turkey&nbsp;season&nbsp;here,&nbsp;and<br>mmm&nbsp;mmm&nbsp;mmmmm&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;looking&nbsp;&nbsp;forward&nbsp;to&nbsp;a<br>good,&nbsp;hot&nbsp;roasted&nbsp;bird&nbsp;with&nbsp;all&nbsp;the&nbsp;fix-<br>ings.&nbsp;&nbsp;Ann-Marie&nbsp;still&nbsp;won't&nbsp;give&nbsp;me&nbsp;her<br>gravy&nbsp;recipe,&nbsp;but&nbsp;as&nbsp;a&nbsp;little&nbsp;self-plug,<br>on&nbsp;top&nbsp;of&nbsp;what&nbsp;Amanda's&nbsp;already&nbsp;writing,<br>this&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;just&nbsp;a&nbsp;reminder&nbsp;that&nbsp;the&nbsp;paper<br>will&nbsp;be&nbsp;donating&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;proceeds&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;this<br>week's&nbsp;publication&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;local&nbsp;homeless<br>shelter&nbsp;down&nbsp;in&nbsp;Fort&nbsp;Brunsett,&nbsp;&nbsp;so&nbsp;buy&nbsp;a<br>few!&nbsp;&nbsp;Heck,&nbsp;&nbsp;paper&nbsp;your&nbsp;walls&nbsp;with&nbsp;them,<br>or&nbsp;&nbsp;twist&nbsp;&nbsp;yourself&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;a&nbsp;good&nbsp;newspaper<br>log&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;altar&nbsp;of&nbsp;good&nbsp;gossip.&nbsp;&nbsp;You've<br>all&nbsp;&nbsp;got&nbsp;gossip&nbsp;altars&nbsp;in&nbsp;your&nbsp;home,&nbsp;&nbsp;of<br>course.&nbsp;&nbsp;Don't&nbsp;you?<br><br>On&nbsp;a&nbsp;heavier&nbsp;note,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;sad&nbsp;to&nbsp;say&nbsp;that<br>rumors&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;Old&nbsp;Man&nbsp;Jones&nbsp;were&nbsp;not&nbsp;in&nbsp;the<br>least&nbsp;exaggerated.&nbsp;&nbsp;He&nbsp;died&nbsp;as&nbsp;he&nbsp;lived:<br>hurtling&nbsp;&nbsp;through&nbsp;space&nbsp;as&nbsp;quickly&nbsp;as&nbsp;he<br>could,&nbsp;just&nbsp;waiting&nbsp;for&nbsp;a&nbsp;hard&nbsp;drop.&nbsp;&nbsp;I,<br>for&nbsp;one,&nbsp;&nbsp;will&nbsp;&nbsp;miss&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;old&nbsp;cuss.&nbsp;&nbsp;The<br>things&nbsp;&nbsp;he&nbsp;&nbsp;used&nbsp;to&nbsp;tell&nbsp;me&nbsp;about&nbsp;little<br>miss&nbsp;&nbsp;Bethesda&nbsp;&nbsp;Miller&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;&nbsp;younger<br>years,&nbsp;&nbsp;well,&nbsp;&nbsp;they're&nbsp;too&nbsp;much&nbsp;even&nbsp;for<br>THIS&nbsp;&nbsp;paper&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;publish.&nbsp;&nbsp;Rest&nbsp;in&nbsp;peace,<br>Jones.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;hope&nbsp;&nbsp;heaven's&nbsp;&nbsp;got&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;rocket<br>just&nbsp;for&nbsp;you

==November 15, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;one&nbsp;of&nbsp;our<br>charming&nbsp;&nbsp;young&nbsp;&nbsp;men&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;found&nbsp;out,&nbsp;the<br>hard&nbsp;way,&nbsp;that&nbsp;black&nbsp;ice&nbsp;is&nbsp;no&nbsp;joke.&nbsp;You<br>have&nbsp;my&nbsp;sympathies,&nbsp;&nbsp;Jacob,&nbsp;and&nbsp;I&nbsp;hope&nbsp;a<br>broken&nbsp;coccyx&nbsp;doesn't&nbsp;slow&nbsp;you&nbsp;down.&nbsp;&nbsp;My<br>bet's&nbsp;still&nbsp;on&nbsp;you&nbsp;for&nbsp;hockey&nbsp;later&nbsp;this<br>Winter!<br><br>We're&nbsp;getting&nbsp;more&nbsp;snow,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;the&nbsp;Frozen<br>Bread&nbsp;Guy&nbsp;committee&nbsp;says&nbsp;we&nbsp;aren't&nbsp;quite<br>ready&nbsp;for&nbsp;full&nbsp;freeze.&nbsp;&nbsp;Too&nbsp;soon&nbsp;to&nbsp;bake<br>our&nbsp;delicious&nbsp;gentlemen,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;I<br>can&nbsp;expect&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;full&nbsp;run-down&nbsp;on&nbsp;when&nbsp;the<br>festival&nbsp;will&nbsp;start,&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;soon&nbsp;as&nbsp;weather<br>behaves&nbsp;itself.<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;can't&nbsp;&nbsp;believe&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;saying&nbsp;this,&nbsp;&nbsp;but<br>come&nbsp;on,&nbsp;Mother&nbsp;Nature.&nbsp;&nbsp;Let&nbsp;it&nbsp;snow!<br><br>If&nbsp;we&nbsp;get&nbsp;a&nbsp;blizzard&nbsp;next&nbsp;week,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;can<br>all&nbsp;blame&nbsp;me.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'll&nbsp;take&nbsp;the&nbsp;hate.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;hate,&nbsp;a&nbsp;little&nbsp;birdy&nbsp;tells<br>me&nbsp;that&nbsp;a&nbsp;certain&nbsp;young&nbsp;woman&nbsp;in&nbsp;a&nbsp;white<br>coat&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;seen&nbsp;lurking&nbsp;&nbsp;outside&nbsp;of&nbsp;a<br>certain&nbsp;&nbsp;young&nbsp;man's&nbsp;&nbsp;bedroom&nbsp;&nbsp;window&nbsp;at<br>night,&nbsp;&nbsp;reciting&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;poetry.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;&nbsp;window<br>remains&nbsp;unmoved,&nbsp;but&nbsp;from&nbsp;all&nbsp;I've&nbsp;heard<br>of&nbsp;it,&nbsp;the&nbsp;poetry&nbsp;sounds&nbsp;good.&nbsp;Girl,&nbsp;you<br>should&nbsp;go&nbsp;and&nbsp;loiter&nbsp;outside&nbsp;Paul&nbsp;Gann's<br>place&nbsp;next.&nbsp;He&nbsp;could&nbsp;use&nbsp;a&nbsp;refresher,&nbsp;or<br>at&nbsp;least&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;of&nbsp;help,&nbsp;&nbsp;because&nbsp;Mandy's<br>about&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;stuff&nbsp;his&nbsp;quill&nbsp;pen&nbsp;&nbsp;down&nbsp;&nbsp;his<br>loving&nbsp;throat.<br><br>Last&nbsp;but&nbsp;not&nbsp;least,&nbsp;Haruki&nbsp;would&nbsp;like&nbsp;to<br>inform&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;world&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;rabbits&nbsp;are&nbsp;the<br>bee's&nbsp;knees.

==November 22, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;&nbsp;have&nbsp;a<br>dilemma:&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;you&nbsp;have&nbsp;all&nbsp;surely&nbsp;read&nbsp;in<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;news&nbsp;section&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;paper,&nbsp;&nbsp;SOMEone<br>has&nbsp;managed&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;burn&nbsp;down&nbsp;a&nbsp;chunk&nbsp;of&nbsp;our<br>best&nbsp;bookstore&nbsp;owner's&nbsp;shop,&nbsp;Homepage.<br><br>Now,&nbsp;police&nbsp;reports&nbsp;aside,&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told&nbsp;that<br>a&nbsp;&nbsp;fair&nbsp;&nbsp;number&nbsp;of&nbsp;ladies&nbsp;have&nbsp;been&nbsp;seen<br>going&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;and&nbsp;out&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;place&nbsp;in&nbsp;recent<br>days,&nbsp;and&nbsp;Mina&nbsp;&nbsp;sure&nbsp;&nbsp;hasn't&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;happy<br>with&nbsp;her&nbsp;affianced.&nbsp;&nbsp;Do&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;have&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;case<br>of&nbsp;jealous&nbsp;love&nbsp;on&nbsp;our&nbsp;hands,&nbsp;ladies&nbsp;and<br>gents?&nbsp;&nbsp;Or&nbsp;&nbsp;is&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;really&nbsp;the&nbsp;fault&nbsp;of<br>a&nbsp;faulty&nbsp;appliance?<br><br>I&nbsp;have&nbsp;my&nbsp;own&nbsp;ideas.&nbsp;&nbsp;What&nbsp;do&nbsp;YOU&nbsp;think?<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;Mina,&nbsp;I've&nbsp;heard&nbsp;a&nbsp;few&nbsp;peeps<br>and&nbsp;chirps&nbsp;about&nbsp;a&nbsp;dance&nbsp;company&nbsp;down&nbsp;in<br>Boston.&nbsp;&nbsp;Break&nbsp;a&nbsp;leg,&nbsp;girly.&nbsp;Crack&nbsp;those<br>nuts&nbsp;well.<br><br>With&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;&nbsp;being&nbsp;&nbsp;published&nbsp;on&nbsp;good&nbsp;old<br>Thanksgiving&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;all,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'd&nbsp;like&nbsp;to&nbsp;list<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;things&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;thankful&nbsp;for&nbsp;this&nbsp;year.<br>Only&nbsp;three&nbsp;of&nbsp;them,&nbsp;&nbsp;since&nbsp;&nbsp;Charlie&nbsp;&nbsp;won<br>the&nbsp;office&nbsp;bet.<br><br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;thankful&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;Mr.&nbsp;Roberts&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;his<br>wife,&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;&nbsp;never&nbsp;fail&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;give&nbsp;us&nbsp;some-<br>thing&nbsp;fun&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;gossip&nbsp;over&nbsp;when&nbsp;they&nbsp;show<br>up&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;latest&nbsp;version&nbsp;of&nbsp;cutting&nbsp;each<br>other's&nbsp;hair.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lettie,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;still&nbsp;say&nbsp;the<br>electric&nbsp;lemon&nbsp;banana&nbsp;curls&nbsp;beat&nbsp;out&nbsp;the<br>urchin&nbsp;spines.&nbsp;&nbsp;At&nbsp;least&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;could&nbsp;kiss<br>the&nbsp;guy&nbsp;without&nbsp;stabbing&nbsp;him!<br><br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;thankful&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;Clarice,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;taking<br>over&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;Crossroads&nbsp;Cafe&nbsp;when&nbsp;Hazel&nbsp;had<br>to&nbsp;leave&nbsp;us&nbsp;all.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;town&nbsp;needed&nbsp;a&nbsp;good<br>watering&nbsp;hole&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;mingle&nbsp;the&nbsp;old&nbsp;and&nbsp;the<br>weird&nbsp;&nbsp;in.&nbsp;&nbsp;I,&nbsp;of&nbsp;course,&nbsp;am&nbsp;neither&nbsp;old<br>nor&nbsp;&nbsp;weird,&nbsp;&nbsp;despite&nbsp;&nbsp;Tommy's&nbsp;&nbsp;courteous<br>efforts&nbsp;to&nbsp;walk&nbsp;me&nbsp;across&nbsp;the&nbsp;street.<br><br>Last&nbsp;but&nbsp;not&nbsp;&nbsp;least,&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;thankful&nbsp;to&nbsp;be<br>alive.&nbsp;&nbsp;Real&nbsp;talk,&nbsp;here.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;&nbsp;world's&nbsp;a<br>messed&nbsp;up&nbsp;&nbsp;place,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;we're&nbsp;doing&nbsp;some<br>good.&nbsp;&nbsp;I,&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;one,&nbsp;&nbsp;intend&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;keep&nbsp;on<br>doing&nbsp;it.

==November 29, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;we&nbsp;say&nbsp;good<br>bye&nbsp;to&nbsp;another&nbsp;old&nbsp;friend.&nbsp;Pepper&nbsp;Miller<br>was&nbsp;a&nbsp;good&nbsp;boy,&nbsp;and&nbsp;almost&nbsp;always&nbsp;did&nbsp;as<br>he&nbsp;was&nbsp;told.&nbsp;His&nbsp;owner,&nbsp;Fitch,&nbsp;paid&nbsp;me&nbsp;a<br>box&nbsp;of&nbsp;cinnamon&nbsp;candy&nbsp;purchased&nbsp;with&nbsp;his<br>own&nbsp;allowance&nbsp;to&nbsp;say&nbsp;so.&nbsp;Thank&nbsp;you,&nbsp;kid.<br>My&nbsp;dentist&nbsp;thanks&nbsp;you,&nbsp;too.&nbsp;&nbsp;He&nbsp;loves&nbsp;it<br>when&nbsp;I&nbsp;eat&nbsp;too&nbsp;much&nbsp;sugar.<br><br>December's&nbsp;just&nbsp;a&nbsp;day&nbsp;away,&nbsp;folks,&nbsp;and&nbsp;a<br>noisy&nbsp;day,&nbsp;at&nbsp;that.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;was&nbsp;out&nbsp;along&nbsp;the<br>riverbank,&nbsp;&nbsp;tromping&nbsp;&nbsp;through&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;snow,<br>and&nbsp;clangity-clang&nbsp;clang&nbsp;went&nbsp;the&nbsp;hammer<br>at&nbsp;the&nbsp;blacksmith's&nbsp;place.&nbsp;&nbsp;He&nbsp;had&nbsp;a&nbsp;few<br>mighty&nbsp;fine&nbsp;assistants,&nbsp;too...<br><br>Pity&nbsp;they&nbsp;were&nbsp;all&nbsp;young&nbsp;enough&nbsp;to&nbsp;be&nbsp;my<br>sons.&nbsp;&nbsp;Sons,&nbsp;Blair.&nbsp;&nbsp;Not&nbsp;grandsons.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm<br>not&nbsp;THAT&nbsp;old.<br><br>Eye&nbsp;&nbsp;candy&nbsp;&nbsp;value&nbsp;aside,&nbsp;&nbsp;if&nbsp;you&nbsp;haven't&nbsp;<br>planned&nbsp;a&nbsp;day&nbsp;to&nbsp;stop&nbsp;in&nbsp;for&nbsp;your&nbsp;&nbsp;iron,<br>there's&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;calendar&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;town&nbsp;hall.&nbsp;I<br>hear&nbsp;a&nbsp;certain&nbsp;someone&nbsp;has&nbsp;been&nbsp;blocking<br>out&nbsp;&nbsp;his&nbsp;&nbsp;favorite&nbsp;days&nbsp;to&nbsp;chase&nbsp;&nbsp;people&nbsp;<br>down&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;holiday&nbsp;choir&nbsp;&nbsp;there,&nbsp;&nbsp;too.&nbsp;<br>Samuel&nbsp;W.&nbsp;Lees,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;&nbsp;should&nbsp;know&nbsp;better&nbsp;<br>than&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;ask&nbsp;folks&nbsp;in&nbsp;THIS&nbsp;town&nbsp;to&nbsp;sing.<br>Remember&nbsp;'72?&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;going&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;pretend&nbsp;I<br>don't,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;sake&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;remaining&nbsp;<br>twenty-mumble.<br><br>A&nbsp;&nbsp;local&nbsp;&nbsp;author&nbsp;got&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;kick&nbsp;out<br>of&nbsp;sweet&nbsp;eyefuls&nbsp;himself,&nbsp;it&nbsp;seems.&nbsp;I've<br>been&nbsp;&nbsp;given&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;peek&nbsp;at&nbsp;a&nbsp;book&nbsp;with&nbsp;some<br>very&nbsp;familiar&nbsp;characters&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;cover,<br>and&nbsp;said&nbsp;&nbsp;author&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;a&nbsp;great&nbsp;admirer&nbsp;in<br>the&nbsp;one&nbsp;who&nbsp;&nbsp;gave&nbsp;it&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;me.&nbsp;&nbsp;To&nbsp;&nbsp;para-<br>phrase&nbsp;her&nbsp;letter,&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;opinion,&nbsp;&nbsp;the<br>man&nbsp;&nbsp;must&nbsp;REALLY&nbsp;&nbsp;care&nbsp;about&nbsp;getting&nbsp;the<br>investigation&nbsp;right&nbsp;for&nbsp;all&nbsp;that&nbsp;work!

==December 06, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;we&nbsp;have&nbsp;our<br>selves&nbsp;a&nbsp;nice&nbsp;little&nbsp;mystery.&nbsp;I've&nbsp;heard<br>from&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;few&nbsp;sources&nbsp;that&nbsp;a&nbsp;tall&nbsp;brunette<br>has&nbsp;been&nbsp;seen&nbsp;standing&nbsp;outside&nbsp;of&nbsp;folks'<br>homes,&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;&nbsp;skedaddles&nbsp;any&nbsp;time&nbsp;someone<br>takes&nbsp;&nbsp;notice&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;her.&nbsp;&nbsp;Anyone&nbsp;remember<br>setting&nbsp;out&nbsp;bait&nbsp;for&nbsp;Mothwoman?<br><br>On&nbsp;a&nbsp;lighter&nbsp;note,&nbsp;I&nbsp;hear&nbsp;tell&nbsp;there's&nbsp;a<br>party&nbsp;in&nbsp;the&nbsp;offing&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;owner&nbsp;of&nbsp;the<br>paintball&nbsp;range,&nbsp;and&nbsp;from&nbsp;what&nbsp;the&nbsp;rumor<br>mill&nbsp;is&nbsp;telling&nbsp;me,&nbsp;booze&nbsp;will&nbsp;be&nbsp;in&nbsp;the<br>offing.&nbsp;&nbsp;Tempting.&nbsp;&nbsp;Very&nbsp;tempting.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm<br>told&nbsp;the&nbsp;man&nbsp;hosting&nbsp;the&nbsp;thing's&nbsp;a&nbsp;tasty<br>morsel&nbsp;his&nbsp;own&nbsp;self.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;new&nbsp;folks,&nbsp;do&nbsp;you&nbsp;all&nbsp;recall<br>the&nbsp;Utridge&nbsp;crew&nbsp;earlier&nbsp;this&nbsp;year?&nbsp;Most<br>of&nbsp;them&nbsp;&nbsp;seem&nbsp;to&nbsp;have&nbsp;departed&nbsp;for&nbsp;parts<br>unknown,&nbsp;but&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;&nbsp;sources&nbsp;&nbsp;tell&nbsp;me&nbsp;miss<br>Olivia's&nbsp;&nbsp;been&nbsp;seen&nbsp;&nbsp;around.&nbsp;&nbsp;Where&nbsp;&nbsp;DID<br>they&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;go?&nbsp;&nbsp;Secret&nbsp;lab?&nbsp;&nbsp;Hidden&nbsp;baby?<br>If&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;hear&nbsp;the&nbsp;answer,&nbsp;folks,&nbsp;you'll&nbsp;be<br>the&nbsp;first&nbsp;to&nbsp;know!<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;hear&nbsp;&nbsp;there&nbsp;was&nbsp;a&nbsp;bit&nbsp;of&nbsp;a&nbsp;to-do&nbsp;down<br>at&nbsp;the&nbsp;mall&nbsp;&nbsp;recently&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;some&nbsp;&nbsp;Silly<br>String(tm)&nbsp;and&nbsp;shaving&nbsp;cream.&nbsp;&nbsp;Best&nbsp;food<br>court&nbsp;entertainment&nbsp;in&nbsp;years.&nbsp;Sorry,&nbsp;Hal<br>just&nbsp;&nbsp;can't&nbsp;&nbsp;compete&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;Looney&nbsp;Tunes<br>style&nbsp;chase&nbsp;scenes&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;mall&nbsp;cops.&nbsp;&nbsp;The<br>teens&nbsp;&nbsp;responsible&nbsp;&nbsp;may&nbsp;&nbsp;not&nbsp;be&nbsp;quite&nbsp;as<br>entertained,&nbsp;&nbsp;once&nbsp;they've&nbsp;finished&nbsp;with<br>the&nbsp;&nbsp;community&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;service&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;cops&nbsp;&nbsp;have<br>given&nbsp;them&nbsp;as&nbsp;punishment...<br><br>Also&nbsp;at&nbsp;the&nbsp;mall,&nbsp;&nbsp;while&nbsp;no&nbsp;one&nbsp;has&nbsp;been<br>able&nbsp;to&nbsp;peg&nbsp;who&nbsp;did&nbsp;it,&nbsp;we&nbsp;have&nbsp;a&nbsp;second<br>mystery&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;week:&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;&nbsp;beheaded&nbsp;Santa<br>Claus?&nbsp;&nbsp;An&nbsp;animatronic's&nbsp;rosy&nbsp;cheeks&nbsp;and<br>everything&nbsp;&nbsp;attached&nbsp;&nbsp;are&nbsp;&nbsp;missing&nbsp;as&nbsp;of<br>this&nbsp;week.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;know&nbsp;about&nbsp;you,&nbsp;but<br>I'm&nbsp;&nbsp;awfully&nbsp;curious&nbsp;about&nbsp;just&nbsp;what&nbsp;the<br>culprit&nbsp;&nbsp;plans&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;do&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;a&nbsp;great&nbsp;big<br>bearded&nbsp;head&nbsp;in&nbsp;a&nbsp;hat.

==December 13, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;we've&nbsp;got&nbsp;a<br>little&nbsp;less&nbsp;than&nbsp;two&nbsp;weeks&nbsp;until&nbsp;Christ-<br>mas,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;boy&nbsp;&nbsp;howdy&nbsp;are&nbsp;the&nbsp;decorating<br>committees&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;hive&nbsp;&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;busy&nbsp;busy&nbsp;bees.<br><br>Why,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;heard&nbsp;from&nbsp;Mabel&nbsp;just&nbsp;the&nbsp;other<br>day&nbsp;that&nbsp;several&nbsp;of&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;sources&nbsp;had&nbsp;been<br>lying&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;me&nbsp;about&nbsp;who&nbsp;sold&nbsp;them&nbsp;the&nbsp;new<br>greenery&nbsp;swags&nbsp;&nbsp;they&nbsp;hung&nbsp;up&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;Town<br>Hall.&nbsp;&nbsp;What&nbsp;is&nbsp;the&nbsp;world&nbsp;coming&nbsp;to,&nbsp;when<br>there's&nbsp;a&nbsp;black&nbsp;market&nbsp;for&nbsp;balsam&nbsp;fir?<br><br>June&nbsp;could&nbsp;tell&nbsp;you,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;she's&nbsp;gone&nbsp;and<br>flown&nbsp;the&nbsp;coop.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>That's&nbsp;&nbsp;right,&nbsp;&nbsp;ladies&nbsp;and&nbsp;gents:&nbsp;my&nbsp;one<br>and&nbsp;&nbsp;only&nbsp;&nbsp;gossip&nbsp;&nbsp;rival&nbsp;&nbsp;has&nbsp;decided&nbsp;to<br>make&nbsp;the&nbsp;big&nbsp;&nbsp;move&nbsp;down&nbsp;to&nbsp;balmy,&nbsp;&nbsp;sunny<br>Honolulu&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;live&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;her&nbsp;&nbsp;great-<br>grandson.<br><br>Junebug,&nbsp;&nbsp;which&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;say&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;&nbsp;love&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;<br>because&nbsp;&nbsp;you're&nbsp;going&nbsp;to&nbsp;be&nbsp;too&nbsp;far&nbsp;away<br>to&nbsp;smack&nbsp;me&nbsp;with&nbsp;your&nbsp;cane,&nbsp;&nbsp;you&nbsp;will&nbsp;be<br>missed.&nbsp;&nbsp;Sometimes.<br><br>Andy&nbsp;Johnson&nbsp;&nbsp;sure&nbsp;&nbsp;wishes&nbsp;the&nbsp;person(s)<br>responsible&nbsp;for&nbsp;vandalizing&nbsp;his&nbsp;hardware<br>store&nbsp;would&nbsp;start&nbsp;going&nbsp;missing.&nbsp;I&nbsp;heard<br>from&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;friend&nbsp;of&nbsp;his&nbsp;cousin's&nbsp;that&nbsp;just<br>the&nbsp;other&nbsp;week,&nbsp;someone&nbsp;twice&nbsp;used&nbsp;spray<br>paint&nbsp;&nbsp;all&nbsp;&nbsp;along&nbsp;the&nbsp;back&nbsp;wall&nbsp;to&nbsp;write<br>who&nbsp;only&nbsp;&nbsp;knows&nbsp;&nbsp;what&nbsp;&nbsp;language.&nbsp;&nbsp;Do&nbsp;&nbsp;we<br>have&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;enterprising&nbsp;young&nbsp;&nbsp;witch&nbsp;doing<br>spells&nbsp;in&nbsp;alleyways?&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>He&nbsp;did&nbsp;say&nbsp;it&nbsp;smelled&nbsp;like&nbsp;smoke...

==December 20, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;someone&nbsp;has<br>decided&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;being&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;Grinch&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;week<br>before&nbsp;Christmas,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;what&nbsp;a&nbsp;shame&nbsp;that<br>is.&nbsp;&nbsp;Why,&nbsp;&nbsp;one&nbsp;of&nbsp;my&nbsp;sources&nbsp;was&nbsp;walking<br>past&nbsp;Lost&nbsp;Treasures&nbsp;with&nbsp;her&nbsp;pooch,&nbsp;&nbsp;and<br>tells&nbsp;&nbsp;me&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;poor&nbsp;toy&nbsp;shop&nbsp;was&nbsp;totally<br>trashed.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;&nbsp;nice&nbsp;&nbsp;policemen&nbsp;&nbsp;wouldn't<br>accept&nbsp;my&nbsp;questions,&nbsp;&nbsp;but&nbsp;anyone&nbsp;wanting<br>toys&nbsp;&nbsp;from&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;store&nbsp;will&nbsp;just&nbsp;have&nbsp;to<br>wait&nbsp;until&nbsp;they&nbsp;get&nbsp;the&nbsp;door&nbsp;put&nbsp;back&nbsp;up<br>in&nbsp;a&nbsp;frame&nbsp;that&nbsp;isn't&nbsp;busted.<br><br>In&nbsp;happier&nbsp;news,&nbsp;as&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;sure&nbsp;you've&nbsp;read<br>earlier&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;paper,&nbsp;the&nbsp;parade&nbsp;this<br>weekend&nbsp;is&nbsp;expectd&nbsp;to&nbsp;go&nbsp;off&nbsp;without&nbsp;too<br>many&nbsp;hitches,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;as&nbsp;someone&nbsp;who's&nbsp;been<br>listening&nbsp;to&nbsp;the&nbsp;kiddos&nbsp;practice,&nbsp;let&nbsp;me<br>tell&nbsp;you,&nbsp;you&nbsp;don't&nbsp;want&nbsp;to&nbsp;miss&nbsp;it.&nbsp;&nbsp;It<br>will&nbsp;be&nbsp;&nbsp;an&nbsp;experience&nbsp;you&nbsp;won't&nbsp;forget.<br>Possibly&nbsp;it&nbsp;will&nbsp;do&nbsp;&nbsp;permanent&nbsp;damage&nbsp;to<br>your&nbsp;retinas.&nbsp;&nbsp;Bring&nbsp;sunglasses.<br><br>Speaking&nbsp;of&nbsp;sunglasses...<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;hear&nbsp;&nbsp;tell&nbsp;&nbsp;that&nbsp;&nbsp;we&nbsp;have&nbsp;ourselves&nbsp;a<br>Mysterious&nbsp;Stranger&nbsp;in&nbsp;town,&nbsp;&nbsp;who&nbsp;claims<br>to&nbsp;be&nbsp;a&nbsp;vampire,&nbsp;&nbsp;walks&nbsp;&nbsp;around&nbsp;&nbsp;with&nbsp;an<br>umbrella&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;a&nbsp;&nbsp;sunny&nbsp;&nbsp;day,&nbsp;and&nbsp;pesters<br>waitresses&nbsp;beyond&nbsp;endurance.&nbsp;They&nbsp;do&nbsp;say<br>he's&nbsp;a&nbsp;good&nbsp;tipper,&nbsp;&nbsp;however,&nbsp;even&nbsp;if&nbsp;it<br>doesn't&nbsp;&nbsp;make&nbsp;&nbsp;up&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;rest.&nbsp;&nbsp;What&nbsp;do<br>you&nbsp;think?&nbsp;&nbsp;Cute&nbsp;&nbsp;goth&nbsp;&nbsp;or&nbsp;&nbsp;supernatural<br>predator&nbsp;of&nbsp;the&nbsp;night?&nbsp;&nbsp;If&nbsp;he's&nbsp;real,&nbsp;&nbsp;I<br>totally&nbsp;&nbsp;call&nbsp;&nbsp;dibs&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;being&nbsp;&nbsp;his&nbsp;&nbsp;Anne<br>Rice.<br><br>I&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;&nbsp;know&nbsp;about&nbsp;you,&nbsp;but&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;loving<br>this&nbsp;heat&nbsp;wave,&nbsp;even&nbsp;if&nbsp;the&nbsp;Frozen&nbsp;Bread<br>Guy&nbsp;contest&nbsp;is&nbsp;getting&nbsp;pushed&nbsp;back&nbsp;again<br>until&nbsp;&nbsp;it&nbsp;&nbsp;stops&nbsp;&nbsp;raining.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;thinking<br>I'll&nbsp;&nbsp;skip&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;raisins&nbsp;&nbsp;this&nbsp;year.&nbsp;&nbsp;My<br>bread&nbsp;guys&nbsp;keep&nbsp;getting&nbsp;&nbsp;eaten.&nbsp;&nbsp;Totally<br>inedible&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;rock&nbsp;solid&nbsp;is&nbsp;my&nbsp;goal&nbsp;this<br>year.&nbsp;Jan,&nbsp;try&nbsp;not&nbsp;to&nbsp;steal&nbsp;that&nbsp;one&nbsp;for<br>your&nbsp;Christmas&nbsp;bread&nbsp;this&nbsp;time&nbsp;around.&nbsp;I<br>already&nbsp;paid&nbsp;my&nbsp;dentist&nbsp;bills,&nbsp;and&nbsp;don't<br>want&nbsp;&nbsp;to&nbsp;&nbsp;go&nbsp;chipping&nbsp;a&nbsp;tooth&nbsp;on&nbsp;granite<br>masquerading&nbsp;&nbsp;as&nbsp;&nbsp;fruitbread.&nbsp;&nbsp;Point&nbsp;&nbsp;in<br>fact,&nbsp;let's&nbsp;make&nbsp;a&nbsp;night&nbsp;of&nbsp;it,&nbsp;and&nbsp;I'll<br>bring&nbsp;the&nbsp;booze&nbsp;to&nbsp;keep&nbsp;it&nbsp;loose!

==December 27, 2018==
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<span style="font-family: Consolas, monaco, monospace;">&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;T A M A R A C K&nbsp; &nbsp;T I M E S<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; GOSSIP COLUMN, by Enid SCHMITT<br>
This&nbsp;week&nbsp;in&nbsp;Tamarack&nbsp;Falls,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;&nbsp;hope&nbsp;we<br>all&nbsp;had&nbsp;an&nbsp;excellent&nbsp;Christmas,&nbsp;those&nbsp;of<br>us&nbsp;who&nbsp;celebrate&nbsp;it,&nbsp;&nbsp;and&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;all&nbsp;those<br>who&nbsp;don't,&nbsp;&nbsp;I&nbsp;hope&nbsp;the&nbsp;season's&nbsp;treating<br>you&nbsp;well.&nbsp;Don't&nbsp;worry.&nbsp;Getting&nbsp;drunk&nbsp;off<br>your&nbsp;patoot&nbsp;on&nbsp;New&nbsp;Year's&nbsp;Eve&nbsp;is&nbsp;a&nbsp;fine,<br>perfectly&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;non-denominational&nbsp;&nbsp;holiday.<br>You&nbsp;still&nbsp;have&nbsp;time.<br><br>Emily&nbsp;Watt,&nbsp;however,&nbsp;does&nbsp;not&nbsp;have&nbsp;time.<br>No,&nbsp;our&nbsp;little&nbsp;Emily&nbsp;is,&nbsp;I'm&nbsp;told,&nbsp;going<br>to&nbsp;be&nbsp;grounded&nbsp;for&nbsp;the&nbsp;rest&nbsp;of&nbsp;her&nbsp;life.<br>Em,&nbsp;&nbsp;kiddo,&nbsp;you&nbsp;know&nbsp;it&nbsp;isn't&nbsp;safe&nbsp;to&nbsp;go<br>out&nbsp;at&nbsp;night&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;river,&nbsp;especially&nbsp;at<br>this&nbsp;time&nbsp;of&nbsp;year.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>Miss&nbsp;Esmeralda&nbsp;Hinklepuff,&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;the&nbsp;other<br>hand,&nbsp;is&nbsp;perfectly&nbsp;safe,&nbsp;behind&nbsp;thirteen<br>locks,&nbsp;twelve&nbsp;doors&nbsp;and&nbsp;a&nbsp;mysterious&nbsp;red<br>box.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>My&nbsp;question&nbsp;is&nbsp;this:&nbsp;why&nbsp;lock&nbsp;your&nbsp;dolly<br>up&nbsp;so&nbsp;&nbsp;thoroughly?&nbsp;&nbsp;Do&nbsp;you&nbsp;expect&nbsp;her&nbsp;to<br>come&nbsp;to&nbsp;life,&nbsp;rise&nbsp;up&nbsp;from&nbsp;her&nbsp;shelf&nbsp;and<br>settle&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;your&nbsp;&nbsp;pillow&nbsp;to&nbsp;stare&nbsp;at&nbsp;you<br>while&nbsp;you&nbsp;sleep?&nbsp;&nbsp;Smiling,&nbsp;staring...&nbsp;On<br>second&nbsp;thought,&nbsp;I&nbsp;know&nbsp;exactly&nbsp;why&nbsp;you'd<br>want&nbsp;to&nbsp;lock&nbsp;her&nbsp;up.<br><br>As&nbsp;&nbsp;for&nbsp;&nbsp;me,&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;only&nbsp;things&nbsp;I've&nbsp;been<br>locking&nbsp;up&nbsp;lately&nbsp;are&nbsp;my&nbsp;coffee&nbsp;and&nbsp;bon-<br>bons.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Henry,&nbsp;&nbsp;nice&nbsp;&nbsp;try&nbsp;&nbsp;on&nbsp;&nbsp;the&nbsp;&nbsp;file<br>cabinet.&nbsp;Next&nbsp;time&nbsp;you&nbsp;want&nbsp;to&nbsp;pilfer&nbsp;my<br>coffee&nbsp;beans,&nbsp;&nbsp;don't&nbsp;wear&nbsp;cologne&nbsp;if&nbsp;you<br>don't&nbsp;want&nbsp;me&nbsp;to&nbsp;guess&nbsp;you've&nbsp;been&nbsp;there<br>'borrowing'&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;my&nbsp;&nbsp;delicious&nbsp;&nbsp;caffeinated<br>gold.