Saying things have been dangerous in the Hedge lately would be like saying that the sun is hot or ice is cold. Despite that, a couple of lower ranking Harvestmen have gathered up some newer privates and recruits for some reason. Maybe to train. Maybe to shoot the shit. Maybe to shoot shit. The original reason has been hijacked.
The Harvestmen are gathered around a single person, or perhaps a pair near their usual training grounds. They are strangely quiet as they stand, hunched over, shoulder to shoulder to see what is on the ground in the middle of them all. A few hushed whispers and awed sighs can be heard, but those small noises only make the quiet that much more mysterious. Breaking it for a moment, one young private exclaims, "It's tha-!" He is immediately elbowed by one of his squadmates. Even as a few raindrops fall and then cease, the group of Harvestmen do not lose focus of what they stare at.
Dielle comes walking up, blinking at the "young'uns." "It's the what?" she asks, curiously. As usual, she's armed, although the gun is concealed, but it's the Hedge, so she's also got her bow and arrows. She truly does love that bow. She raises her eyebrows, and waits for an answer.
A few of the (likely more intelligent) members in the back turn to look at Dielle--some seeming guilty and others shocked--and begin to slink away. Others are so intent on what preoccupies them that they do not seem to notice. A closer over or between shoulders, or maybe even between ankles, reveals Cornelius Rex sitting on the ground with three cards face down in front of him. A single soldier squats there with his finger extended as he is about to take one of the cards, but hesitates. His forehead is beginning to moisten with sweat as he considers the choices.
Dielle peers over, and doesn't say a word against what's going on. Instead, she grins and waits. She wants to see what's going on. She's trying not to giggle, in fact. She looks over at some of the slinking away members and gestures with her head: come back and watch! (Today, she's wearing a t-shirt that has a chibi Deadpool surrounded by kittens, that reads "My powers are useless!")
The young man starts to reach for the card on the left, and there are a few gasps from the crowd. Cornelius does nothing more than lift an eyebrow and cast an expression that seems more than a little incredulous. Sucking in an uneven breath, the man then begins to reach for the card on the right. There are more gasps, and this time one of the recruits starts to shout something and gets a hand put over his mouth before a single syllable escapes. Finally, with a drop of sweat dripping off of his nose and his hand quivering more than he will later admit, the private takes the middle card and, after just enough time to wish a silent prayer, flips it over. The moment the Two of Clubs is revealed the crowd collectively makes one giant sound of disappointment and excitement. Winces and pained noises, and even one "Fuuuuuck that suuuucks!" can be heard. Straightening, the young man bites his lower lip in regret. He turns around, lifts up his shirt so that his lower back is exposed, and sighs.
Cornelius jumps to his feet and rubs his hands together, and the crowd immediately seems to come to life. "Who is going to write his or her name on this unlucky bastard's back? Who is going to make Romeo here his or her little bitch? Just remember! Whoever signs is next to play!"
Which is when Dielle finally decides to speak. "What's the game? Because if y'all are playin' for peggin', I can't join in. Besides, y'all get to be my little bitches anyway." She perks up, realizing that. Hey! Technically, they all are! FUCK YEAH. Talk about rank having its perks! It's hard to get a happy unicorn happier, but that did it!
There is a moment where a few are unsure whether they should run or not when they see Dielle, but as they decide to stay, a young man covered in red fur begins to explain the game. "So the new guy T-Rex says he has a super hot mega-babe that will go on a date with the first person that draws the Queen of Hearts. The other two cards are a Two of Clubs and a Jack of Diamonds. If you draw Clubs, you get tramp stamped and have to run errands for your 'daddy'." He waggles bushy eyebrows at that. "If you draw the Jack of Diamonds, you have to bring T-Rex a gift card for a restaurant. Any restaurant and any amount over a dollar. So far, four people have tried and no one has got the queen! She's apparently the hottest chick in the state!"
Dielle snickers. "Hottest chick just means y'all are playin' to get the chance to pay to feed her and /hope/ that either you're interesting enough or pathetic enough to get into her pants, right? Nice gig, there, T-Rex." She settles down and says, "Keep goin', guys, I could watch this all night long!" In fact, she finds a good stone to sit on and looks amused. "Y'don't find quality entertainment like this every night!"
"I mean, hell, boss, you should've seen her picture!" The furry guy shakes off violently like a dog trying to dry himself. "Though, uh, I mean," he looks at her with an apologetic expression. "You're probably not interested in any of that."
Someone has decided to Sharpee his name over the loser's waistband, and a number of jokes all hit the air at once. Cornelius, on the other hand, is shuffling those three cards together in a way that could make someone dizzy. He holds up a hand and reveals the Queen of Hearts to all in sweeping motion, and the crowd hushes. The card is no typical Queen of Hearts. The typical face has been replaced by that of a woman of breathtaking beauty, heartbreaking sadness, and true allure. Some of the more innocent boys blush just looking at the card. Then, with a dramatic flare, he shuffles them together once more and lays them out on the ground. BAMBAMBAM! The cards make no noise but the fate can be heard in the silence that once more draws the Harvestmen in. The new owner of Romeo's ass squats down--he was staring at the cards the entire time, but his look is completely without confidence. Cornelius's, or rather T-Rex's, is too fast for eye to follow.
"Naw, not me. I'd have to share with my boy, and I don't share well," replies Dielle. "Anyone mind me stayin' and being the peanut gallery, since I'm not playing? Why'd y'all think I was gonna break this up, anyhow? We're a militia, not a military." She's watching Cornelius more than the crowd, although it's the hedge. A sharp eye is kept anyway, one never knows. Plus the Harvestmen Hollow already killed someone, which is why it's named after one of their own. (Even if the plant that ate Kerrigan is dead. Still. Damn thing might have spawned.)
Cornelius should have been a magician. Even with no real effort into showmanship, he has the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand. All he is doing is watching the young man squating before him. When the left card is reached for, Cornelius winces a little. The contestent scowls and--thinking the wince a ploy of reverse psychology--darts his hand towards the card and flips it over to reveal the Jack of Diamonds. Amid the cries and laughter that ensue, he shouts, "This game is rigged!" In a rage, he flips over the middle card to reveal the Two of Spades. Cornelius simply watches him with an expression that has gone from incredulous to amused to not amused. The loser shoves his hand over the right card and looks at Dielle. "Ma'am, if I flip this card and it's not the Queen of Hearts, I want this recruit beaten for cheating. Or banished!" Cornelius says nothing, and looks over at Dielle with eyebrows high.
"...Aren't you a little young to be a 'ma'am'? I mean, you're not even old enough to be a milf. You're actually my type. Young and horny." He winks, and that just seems to further anger the loser in front of him.
Dielle says, "Never too young to be a ma'am. Technically, if weren't Lost, I'm more than old enough to be a milf, just with a real young kid. Except I'm not." She doesn't comment on the young and horny part, she won't deny it, even if the horn IS gone. "But tell you what. This ain't part of the Harvestmen. Recruit, if that third card ain't the Queen of Hearts, you can do your level best to kick the snot out of Cornelius yourself. I won't do it for you, and I can't banish him anyhow, I ain't queen and scammin' folks out of money ain't against any of the freehold laws. It is, however, a valuable lesson, if you're smart enough to learn it." She grins at the assemblage, but doesn't look terribly impressed with the demands.
People are interested in an entirely different way now. "Is Gerry going to fight T-Rex?" "Has the new guy been cheating?" "If the queen's not there, I'm not going to be Private H's bitch!" The chatter grows wild until the moment that Cornelius lifts both of his hands over his head as if in surrender.
"Show them the card, buddy." Cornelius sounds as calm as a windless morning in a land covered with snow.
"I'm not your buddy, p-" The man just barely stops himself from saying it, growls, and then lifts the card up to show it to the crowd. It is facing away from himself so that all can see and vindicate him. The shocked gasps sound quite condemning. When it is circled around to face the other side of the crowd, Dielle can see why. The beautiful woman on the card has an angry scowl. In addition to that, one of her hands has been lifted to extend claws. She is still gorgeous, but the fact that the card has moved is causing more than a few murmurs.
Dielle nods. "Cute card. I think I like her, she looks like she'll take no shit from anyone. Is this where I point out that y'all entered into this agreement of your own accord? Prob'ly ain't as binding as a pledge, but no one wants to be thought of as a dirty welscher, either. Take it as a lesson: you don't play another man's game or if you do, you abide by the agreement and be careful what you agree to. If y'all ain't learned that by now, you might be too young to leave the house without your mamas holdin' your hands. Shit, what the hell are they teachin' kids in schools these days?"
"Now, now." Cornelius stands up and makes 'calm down' motions with his hands; palms down. "I didn't cheat. Not a bit. My buddy here just proved that. But!" He sweeps his gaze around the circle. "Boss lady is right. I played you. Not with sleight of hand or trick cards like you might think. I played you with nothing more than this beautiful piece of work right here." He draws a circle around his face with one long, clawed finger. "Some of you I gave this look here." He scrunches up his face. "I call it the shy butthole." He then winces. "Some got that one there. I call it the surprise nut slap. The point is, I read you, I determined if you were the type to shy away and discouragement or to dive in like Bubba Feet here. Then I just made whatever admittedly handsome face was required to get you to pick any card but the right one. Which is exactly what I will do in a fight to absolutely kick your ass." He grins devilishly and winks. "Now run along children. Bubba, buddy, don't forget the card you owe me." He starts to head Dielle's way.
Dielle stays where she is, grinning and shaking her head. "Y'know, I'm probably not the most reliable narrator when it comes to this kind of thing, but I can honestly say, I don't remember being this young or this naive. I'm sure I musta been at some point, but I just don't remember it. Cornelius, right?" It's like she's waiting to see if a fight breaks out. That, she'll stop. "Boys? Just remember this, and you, too, Cornelius. Y'all are gonna have to have each other's backs in the Hedge and against enemies. Three card monte is one thing. Letting it effect your working relationships ain't such a good idea. So, you play fair by him, I'm pretty sure he'll return the favor." There might be a steely edge to her voice, a warning to everyone in the room including Cornelius.
"All's fair in love and war, except for Romeo; Bubba's whore." The sing-song rhyme seems to please the incorrigible Beast known as Cornelius. "I hear ya, boss-lady." He is a straight sight for a recruit. Forty by all appearances, and comfortable in his skin. Good luck to anyone that tries to get rank and file with this bag of mischief. "Pretty sure Three Card Monte would be a good name for a stripclub. You're full of good ideas. I got one, though!" He slips in close to her rather swiftly and asks in a conspiratorial tone, "How about you give the important investigation and scouting work to me, 'cause I'm kinda like..." He smiles and somehow forces a blush to his cheeks. "Awesome." He cutely pretends at modestly and then waves a hand. "Stop it."
Dielle leans in conspiratorially and says, "Why do you think Rorschach wants you on his squad? He's all scouty and investigatorial and shit. It /helps/ to be able to read and speak sign language, but that's totally his thing and if he wants you, which he does, it means you get to have your cool and show it off, too." She grins, then says, thoughtfully, "Day pledges actually work for sign language, if you don't have anyone to pledge with to give it to you for good. We got a few people in the freehold that mostly speak sign, so it's not even wasted." The recruits kinda slip away, either laughing or grumbling, according to their wont.
"I barely speak English," Cornelius admits in hushed tones. "Why can't we just pledge him to, you know, talk." The sentence is underscored by a shrug. "Either way, we'll be alright. If he's half as easy to read as these kids are quick to turn each other into bitches, then we'll figure it out." He points at her and lifts an eyebrow, "What's your specialty? Keeping the men in line? Shanking people? Shooting stuff while making excellent yet incredibly predictable one lines like most of my favorite antagonists?" He winces and bobs his head from side to side. "I really do identify with them more than the whiny heroes."
Dielle says, "Me? I prefer to shoot shit while cussing like a sailor that just got cockblocked. Ain't so good at the one-liners, so if I ain't cussin' while shooting, I ain't talkin' either." She considers Cornelius and says, "Talking /good/ ain't really the issue anyway. Rorshach can talk, but not loudly and it hurts him. Side effect of someone trying to throttle him and mostly succeeding. Some things just don't heal." She thinks for a bit, then says, reasonably, "Seems like a lot of the villains are just as whiny, these days."
"Really?" What Cornelius is saying that to is unclear until he adds, "This is why I don't own a TV. I mean, when I heard about Netflix and chill I considered it?" He nods as if he is his own shoulder devil agreeing with himself. "But you know. Relationships. Attachments. Remembering birthdays. And names. I mean, who cares what name I say when I'm doing my business?" He looks absolutely baffled that such a thing could bother anyone. "Ever need someone to play hound dog to your hunter?"
Dielle says, "I was thinkin' that last Star Wars movie. Not the Rogue One one, The Force Awakens one. Kylo Ren. What a whiny little bitch! Anyway, I may not be the one to ask about relationships, I'm still kinda shocked to find myself in one and for so long. S'ok, though, I make up names for him. That way, I don't gotta remember his." Hopefully, she's kidding. "Ummm...are you sayin' you wanna hump my leg and run away barking?"
"You know, I still haven't seen th-" Cornelius pantomimes throwing a lightsaber hilt against Dielle's stomach and activates it. He makes a very appropriate sound effect and then leans in, "I'm just a giant daddy issues trope. ...You don't even want to see my Grinder profile." He steps back from Dielle and adds, "Okay, I've seen it once or thrice. Where's your better half? Does the couple that militia together, stay together?" He waggles his eyebrows. "Do you give him pushups in bed?"
Dielle laughs. "Daddy issues? Is that you /want/ a daddy or you want to be one? What's Grindr? And yeah, I got a better half. His name's Jon. He's a med student and a football player and I can kick his ass in, any day of the week. Pretty sure he lets me, though, since he's a fuckin' frost giant. He ain't in the Harvestmen, he don't like fighting. Prob'ly because he's a little too good at it and he really don't like hurting folks. And he's not in the Greenies because he's a Dawn and isn't much of a gardener and it's mostly hedge fruit healers and Springs in the Greenies. I think you'd like him, he's a smartass, too."
When she mentions that her man is a frost giant, Cornelius mutters a playfully accusing "Size queen" under his breath.
"Dawn? Right on. I really like their dish soap. It's really great for getting the blood out from under my claws!" He holds up the inch-long implements of couch shredding and wiggles his fingers. "Keeping these things nice is pretty much the bane of my existence." He shrugs and adds, "How much of a giant are we talking here? Like, can he get through a double door at Walmart, or is he stuck in the parking lot with all the people panhandling for meth?"
Dielle says, absolutely deadpan, "It ain't about the size. I just like the freezer burn. And he's bigger than me, but not quite Magic Johnson tall. Not far from it. More Michael Jordan. Y'know, ducks to get in doors, but can still fit in the bigger cars. Not so much in the Cooper Minis. Glad you like the soap. Since I'm Dawn too, it's the only kind I use."
"Irish Spring has you guys beat for when it comes to washing my tail. Just saying!" Cornelius steps over to pick up his three cards and, with a flourish of his hands, makes them disappear as well as any stage magician, if lacking in the delivery. "I'm going to head out for a bit. I got a gift to prepare." He offers a crooked smile to Dielle as he lowly confesses, "Totally going to break into a chick's room and scare her while she's in the shower. Gotta make her feel special." The grin turns devilish, and he heads off without another word.
Dielle blinks at Cornelius as he makes his confession and shakes her head. "Good thing it ain't me," she comments. "I'd stuff the soap up his ass...he might like that." She mutters all of that, not caring if the departing Cornelius hears that, and shakes her head, chuckling. It's time to get home to her frost giant.
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